Page 84 of The Moment Promised

“This isn’t goodbye. It’s ‘I’ll see you soon’,” I say through stifled sobs.

She nods quickly, wrapping her pinky finger around mine, before using the backs of her index fingers to dry her eyes.

“Finnegan, it’s been real.” She goes in for a bro hug, trying to seem indifferent but I know better. They formed a bond over the past couple weeks. They act like bickering siblings that share an unspoken love for one another.

We finish putting our luggage in Finn’s car and say our final goodbyes to Charlie and Chloe.

“I’m sorry we’re leaving so soon, my love. I know how much this place means to you,” Finn says and puts the car in drive. I look out the rear window. My heart shrinks the smaller Chloe and Charlie get, until we turn right, and they disappear altogether.

I want to cry, but I fight the tears that attempt to escape. “It’s okay.”

Leaving heaven to make the dreadful descent down to hell is a lot more pathetic than it sounds. I push away the thoughts of what’s awaiting me down there. I’ll deal with it once I have to, but right now, only this moment exists.

“What’s your meaning of life, today?” I cut through the quiet.

Finn doesn’t skip a beat. “To hold your hand through the bad times.”

His promise buries itself straight into my heart. His hand feathers up my thigh, so close to the spot that begins to beg for him.

“Finn,” I breathe.I love youclaws at my throat, begging to be said out loud.

“Yeah?” He takes his eyes off the road to look at me.

I shake my head. Now isn’t the time for proclamations of love. “Nothing,” I whisper, looking out the window.

We make the journey back home toward a man I hoped would die without me ever having to see again. With each mile we drive, the more a fiery ball of confidence grows within me until I’m burning with it.

I think back to my younger self, the petrified little girl.

Innocent. Helpless.

She had no one to fight the battles she’d been involuntarily thrown into. I close my eyes and picture her thin frame, big eyes, trembling hands… I make a promise to her.

You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’ll fight for us now.

22

I’m coming,” Finn says firmly, nothing but a serious edge to his voice.

I look at my dull colored house through the car window, and back into Finn’s lively amber eyes. Cortisol heightens my instincts.

Do I fight or flight?

Finn’s eyes say so many things—Please don’t do this alone.

But everything about his body language speaks even louder. Back pressed against the door, seatbelt still intact—I believe in you.

“Five minutes,” I say, my sweaty palms fumble with the seat belt. “If I’m not back in five minutes you can intervene.” Each second that passes while I’m behind those walls will be hell for him, but I know he will wait. He knows I have this.

Iknow I have this.

War drums sound in my chest, my beating heart finalizes the decision I already knew I’d make—fight.

Trembling hands open the car door. They belong to me, and in theory I am the one who moved them, but right now my body moves before I tell it to, taking control. I beeline to my frontdoor. Spine completely straight, shoulders pulled back, head held high.

Jason will never know how much the scared little girl is fighting the urge to run and hide. My exterior appears composed and confident, even if I feel anything but that inside.

I push my key into the door and twist until it clicks.

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