I amin lovewith him.
My cheeks flush, and a new fear creeps in, like the confession of this could rock my entire world. In the worst way possible.
I feel embarrassed all of a sudden, even though he can’t read my thoughts. His eyes reflect the taillights before us, illuminating his perfect features. He notices me staring, the dimple on his cheek deepens.
“People? Or material things?” I ask, making sure I answer this right.
“Anything, both. I don’t care. Name a hundred things if you want.”
Ok. I close my eyes and think of anything other than the man next to me. “I love…the ocean. Swimming in it.” I smile, already missing the way the waves brushed over my skin.
“Why?” he asks.
“Because it’s the ocean. Everyone loves the ocean,” I say like it’s obvious.
“With you, love, there is always a deeper meaning.”
There’s a stretch of silence before I say. “I love the ocean because it makes me feel small.” Most people fear being insignificant, but to me, it’s a relief. “My problems don’t matter at the end of the day, because all of this,” I wave my arm around, “exists too.”
When I feel the waves roll over my shoulders, it feels like it’s repairing my heart. I roll down the window and let my arm sway with the wind. “Sometimes it feels like a peace offering from the world. A little, ‘I’m sorry for what we put you through, but hey look over there. It’s a dolphin!’”
Finn reaches out and grabs my hand. His thumb rubs circles over my skin, igniting every cell he touches.
“What else?” he asks.
“Pizza. I love pizza. And yes, there is a reason. It’s cheesy and delicious and reminds me of the good in my childhood.” I smile at him, and he returns it. I think of tiny Finn and Adeline sitting in a booth at Pete’s for hours in their own little world.
“Tell me more.” He squeezes my hand.
“I love your parents. They gave me something I never thought I would experience—the feeling offamily.”
He squeezes my hand, like he gets me.
“There’s nothing like it. The playfulness, the understanding, the unconditional love. Unity and loyalty. It’s unlike anything my parents could’ve given me, but somehow, by some God-given miracle, I was in the right place at the right time and metyou.”
“You’re my family, Ad.” His voice is lush with emotion.
I bring my arm back inside the car and roll up the window. The road is silent. An occasional car will pass by but other than that, we are alone. “What about you? What do you love?”
He smiles, pondering this for a few beats. I almost think he won’t answer, but he finally speaks. “How close we are.” He’s quiet for a little longer, but his mouth opens like there’s more to say.
“Keep going,” I whisper, needing to hear the rest.
He wastes no more time. “I’ve never felt like I’m alone in the presence of another person, except you for when I’m with you.”
I frown.
“Not in a lonely way though. In a way that I feel the most comfortable and at ease. It doesn’t matter what I say or how I act around you, you’d never judge me.” He squeezes my hand with a coy smile. “Don’t laugh, but I like to think you and I share one soul. I’m made of half, and the rest of me belongs to you. Together, we make a whole and so it’s like I’m alone with myself when I’m with you.”
His words are like fishing net, casting around my heart and drawing me in.
My eyes go misty, I pretend to take interest in gazing out the window.
Finn eventually says, “I love that I am the one you choose to spend your time with. That I get to be your best friend.” He puts on his turn signal, pulling off into the exit lane.
Stone cold realization plummets into me, and I breathe it in, swishing it around my mouth, testing the way it feels on my tongue.
Finn and I will never bemorethan this—friends.