Page 96 of The Moment Promised

“He said he changed, in that second letter. Then the third letter came, with even more money.” Her voice shakes so much it’s hard to make out what she is saying. “He told me he knew he messed up. He was a bad dad but an even worse husband.”

Letters and money.

Is that the true driving force that made her decide to get clean? Not her daughter begging her to stay alive so she could be there to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Not meeting her grandchildren. Just more promises from the man who abused her mind, body, and soul for years.

“I didn’t believe him. Not with those first three letters. But then the fourth letter came, with promises of a future. He said he would make it up to us. That he would prove to me he changed.”

I finally look back up at the mess she is right now. Oh Mom…

“So, I decided to finish the last of my liquor, finish the last bottle of pills, and try to get clean.” She admits exactly what I feared. “But then I overdosed…” Her hands shake, her gaze isn’t on me. It’s somewhere else, somewhere far away. “I guess he was still my emergency contact since we are still legally married. The hospital called him and kept him updated, and then at the end of my second week in rehab, he showed up to visit.”

I’ve been clueless as to what’s been going on this whole time.

“He convinced me to leave with him, to start our future. So, I did.”

“You didn’t go to rehab for me? Or for yourself?”

“I didn’t want him to see how pathetic I had become,” she cries.

“Right,” is all I can say, massaging my temples.

How can you be there for someone when every word that leaves their mouth guts you from the inside out?

“Do you hate me?” she whispers, finally meeting my eyes.

I don’t even blink. “No.” I bring my thumb up to my mouth to bite the nail, but I stop myself. “I’m just hurt.”

Quiet sobs shake her, and she hides her shame away in her hands.

“Keep going. I need to know everything,” I say numbly.

She sniffs and wipes her eyes, trying to gather her composure. “The fifth letter came when I was in rehab, it had a ten-thousand-dollar check attached. It felt like everything I have ever dreamt of was at my fingertips. The very thing that destroyed me promised to put me back together.” She sighs. “I was broken, Adeline. He was my only saving grace…or so I thought.”

I’m an empty shell. I’ve been cracked open, my yolk dried out, and then poorly glued back together again. I feel nothing.

“The first few days felt too good to be true. He was so kind and affectionate. He took me shopping and we went on dates. Actual dates, Adeline. He never once made the effort to take me out before, but he finally was.” She stands up now, walking back and forth trying to appear okay. “I felt like my dreams were finally coming true. But then…”

You know that moment, when your heart stops beating in your chest, because you know you’re about to hear something tragic?

“He took me to Key West for the weekend. The place we had reservations at gave up our table, the only place left to eat dinner was a bar. It was like the universe was laughing at me. There was alcohol everywhere. The smell, the way it affected the people around us. Jason ordered whiskey, Adeline. It was on his breath; the smell and the craving made me insane.” Her brows pull together in regret. “That’s when someone tapped me on the shoulder. An old friend from college, a guy friend. I wasn’t in my right mind, I couldn’t think. I introduced Jason as my friend, instead of my husband.”

An angry breeze flips my hair in every direction. A gray cloud hides the sun, and a chill breaks out across my entire being.

“He made us leave after that, without a single bite to eat.” She speaks so fast now, it’s hard to keep up. Physically, she’s here, but her mind is somewhere else. “He sped between the Saturday night traffic. In and out of cars, missing them by a hair.” She trembles in fear, like she’s back there again. “When we got to the hotel, I was terrified of the man. But I was trapped, I followed him through the lobby to our suite. We were the only people staying on the 10thfloor. He reserved every room on our floor so we could be alone.”

I hadn’t realized until now, my body shakes with hers. Tears roll along my cheeks. I hurt right with her.

“He pushed me against the wall of our hotel room in what I had hoped was an attempt to be seductive.” She tries to laugh at that, tries to ease the heaviness of it all, as if it wasn’t a big deal. As if it was nothing.

“But then he wrapped his entire hand around my throat andsqueezed.” Her voice is so choppy, each syllable sends shock waves through me. I want to reach up and hug her, to hold her, but I’m trapped in place.

“He squeezed so hard, taking the air out of my lungs. I thought of you, puffin. How disappointed you’d be when you found out how I died. How naïve I was to fall back into the cycle.” She stands now, pacing, like there’s too much happening within her body to sit still.

I can almost feel it. The sensation of someone strangling you, the instinct of trying to fight for your life but not being strong enough. That’s why she’s been wearing turtlenecks everyday. To hide the bruises.

“Mom.” I cry. I break. I fucking die.

“Something clicked behind his eyes. He let me go, and I thought it was over. I felt hopeful, and then he kneed me with everything he had in him, right to my side.” She pulls up her shirt and my eyes zero in on the deep purple bruising beneath her skin. My heart stops beating.

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