Page 43 of Golden Burn

My fists clench. This is why I haven’t had a partner since Gen.

The pressure of keeping another person alive, of making sure the doors are always locked, the cameras always clear, that I know of every possible threat, is like a screwdriver that burrows into my brain, reminding me of the one time I didn’t do those things and suffered the consequences.

You can never keep her safe.

No matter how hard you try.

I breathe deeply through my nostrils, trying to relax myself so that the wave of grief and guilt will subside. By the time I’m done, night has swept in, bathing the inside of the cabin purple and blue.

I don’t notice anything amiss until I’m strapping my watch onto my wrist. The cabin is eerily silent, the air void of any other human presence. I spin from my spot in front of the bathroom basin and find the place empty. Harriet is missing. No longer in the bed.

My chest concaves.

All the breath work I did in the shower is for naught.

“Harriet?” No response. My blood turns to ice. The back door to my left that leads out onto the deck is open, the curtain blowing in the wind. The pants I wore on the safari are lying sprawled on the floor, one of the pockets pulled inside out.

I jog out onto the deck, flicking my gaze quickly over the outdoor space. No sight of her. And no good light to help me see.

“Etta!” I call. Silence greets me. I call her name again and start jogging out into the wild African bush. It starts off easy to maneuver, then quickly grows in density, the foliage overlapping like angry hands untilI can barely see my feet. It only worsens my anger, pushing me over the edge.

If she hasn’t run off and Cerbera is responsible, I will rip him limb from limb so slowly he feels every second of it.

“Etta! You better be fucking breathing or I swear to God.”

“I’m here,” she calls. I follow the trail, picking up momentum until I think I see her black hair poking through the brush, her body bent beside the root of a tree that’s gnarly and twisted out of shape. The darkness makes it more nightmarish than it appears.

She looks up at me as I approach, her lips pulled into an excited grin. She points to something that I can’t see. “Look! It’s an African Bull Frog. I thought I could hear it—”

I grab her upper arm and haul her up. “Have you lost your fucking mind?” I snap.

She gasps, stumbling upward. “Odin!”

“The doors are locked for areason.”

She flinches. “I know, I just wanted—”

“It doesn’t matter what youwant.This is about your safety. This is about yourlife.” Her blue eyes well with water and start to sparkle. Her expression is a mix of apology and fright, and she suddenly looks so innocent it makes me sick. I let her go and turn away. “For fuck’s sake, Harriet.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I just… wasn’t thinking.”

“You need to stop doing that. Immediately,” I demand. “It will get us all killed if you keep throwing yourself into danger.”

She’s silent for a while, contemplating my words. Then she says something I could never have predicted, and inevitably, am not prepared for.

“Is this about Gen?”

My entire being stiffens. My thoughts evaporate. The hollow pit in my stomach opens wide, letting all of my anguish rise to the surface.

She senses my sudden change. “Martise accidentally mentioned her name, but that was all.”

I shove it all down quickly, douse it with ice water. Still, there’s an edge to my voice and a clear chill in the air. “Don’t speak her name again.”

She crosses her arms over her middle. “Understood.”

“Let’s go.”

I gesture for her to go ahead of me so that I can keep an eye on her. She does so without a word.

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