Page 83 of Stuck in Paradise with You

37

CARRIE

Our voices are raised above the growling wind, the crashing debris, though we’re not shouting in anger. The three of us – Luke, Jessie and me – are sitting on the floor with just two candles lighting our bunker. The walls are trembling around us, as if at any moment, they might give in to the relentless battering they’re receiving from the outside.

‘Joe planned this whole thing? But how?’ I ask, not sure I’m following entirely. Not sure if I’m supposed to be shocked or angry or if I’m completing misunderstanding what Luke is trying to tell me.

This might be the worst time ever for Luke to decide to make a confession, but I have to admit, it’s a diversion from everything else, at least.

‘He only told me earlier when— Well, you saw me leap for him in the basement,’ Luke tells me. ‘Apparently, Eric really did get stomach flu but Joe knew that you were working at the firm; he’d known for months and not mentioned it to me. Then when Eric got sick and cancelled his trip, Joe spoke to your boss and arranged for you to replace Eric.’

I press my fingers to my temples, eyelids squeezed shut. ‘Because…’

Luke nods. ‘Because of me. He wanted to bring you over here, where I would be, where we’d be trapped together.’

‘But I just… Nothing to do with him wanting me to be his advisor?’

‘He thinks you’re great,’ Luke is quick to say. ‘But no. He… Iguesshe thought there was something unfinished between you and me.’

I rub my hands over my face, feeling grit on my fingers and now on my clammy skin, hot and sweaty in the humidity. His words are sinking in, slowly being pieced together by my brain.

‘He brought me here foryou? To be your plaything? A toy? A game?’

‘I— Yes. No. I swear I didn’t know, Carrie, and for what it’s worth, I think he was trying to play matchmaker, not… I don’t know.’

‘This is mortifying, Luke! Did he tell Rachel his grand design for us? Did he tell myboss?’

‘I honestly don’t know.’ Luke watches me from the ground, his knees bent, his wrists resting on them. He looks dirty and tired and defeated. ‘I don’t know more than I’ve told you and, if it’s any consolation at all, I’m livid about it too.’

‘Youare?’ I throw my arms up in frustration. ‘Luke, do you know how long and hard I’ve worked to change the narrative that I’m some kind of whore who tried to sleep her way to the top? Do you?’ I’m yelling now and it’s nothing to do with the noise of the weather. ‘I’m on the cusp of partnership and he,you, have made me look like— What thehellam I doing here?’

My eyes burn with anger and I have to slam the heels of my hands into them to stop me from crying like some kind of damsel in distress.

Luke’s hands are on my shoulders and I move my own to slap his away. ‘Don’t touch me!’

I walk the entire four steps away from him that I can possibly move in this space. ‘It’s happening all over again. Allfuckingover again. I fell for you, I slept with you, I’m fucking heartbroken and to top it all off, I look like I’ve been screwing the firm’s biggest client to get my partnership case over the line!’

My eyes are watering uncontrollably and I really wish I could stop them. Trying, I think, takes the last of my energy. This day, this week, the last seven years of hurt and resentment, it’s all been too much.

I slump back against the unsteady wall, ironically, for support. ‘I really was just a pawn in a game.’

We fall silent, Luke and I facing each other, Jessie coming to sit on my feet. I stare at the man who keeps blowing my mind and messing up my life, and he stares right back. Despite all the madness outside, inside, it feels like I could hear a pin drop.

Unspoken words silently whirl around the air between us, until eventually, Luke says, ‘I swear I didn’t know, Carrie, and you haveneverbeen a game to me.Never.’

Everything about him is sincere and I believe him. It must be true. Why in the world would he have actually tried to bring me here? He walked away from me once; he’d do it again, I think. It’s something even I’m not convinced of anymore. Which is probably a reflection of how much my mind is having to contend with here in supposed paradise.

There’s a loud crash of something big and heavy against the steel doors that makes us both flinch like we’re dodging bullets, that makes the machine and countertop leaning against the doors shudder, and has Jessie howling.

‘Shh, girl, you’re okay,’ I tell her, trying to convince us both of that truth, running a soothing finger down the crease between her eyes and onto her nose, the way Eddie loves. It seems towork and she calms, leaning into my side when I come to sit next to her on the floor, then draping her head and a front paw across my thighs. I continue stroking that sweet spot and watch the rise and fall of her tummy gradually slow. It’s a safer space to keep my focus than on Luke.

‘I’ve no doubt we’re going to be fine and that we’ll see this storm through,’ he says, forcing me to look up to where he’s standing on the opposite side of the small space, leaning his shoulders back against the wall, squeezing the peak of his cap between his hands. ‘Even so, I don’t want to leave things unsaid because I don’t know if you’ll walk out of here and I’ll never see you again.’ His lopsided smile is sad. ‘I should be well versed in it by now.’

‘If I’ve walked away, it’s been for good reason,’ I tell him, not snapping; I’m surprisingly composed, though I am having to speak loudly.

He’s just watching me, not reacting, completely unreadable and, oddly, I really want to know what he’s thinking. It’s also bizarre that we’re having this conversation, in this space, with a terrified dog laid across my lap, and I’m thinking Luke looks like strength and home and sexy-as-hell all at once.

‘I am sorry that Joe has brought you here if you don’t want to be here,’ he says. ‘Though I don’t think it’s career-threatening because you’ve done a great job for him. I’ve been in awe, listening to the way you’ve advised Joe, responded to his off-the-cuff questions, and mine. If there’s any take away to be fed back to your firm, it will only be positive.’

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