Page 77 of Stuck in Paradise with You

‘You’re not speaking to my husband now,’ Ella says, wafting a hand. ‘What’s said in girl talk stays in girl talk. But I will tell you, Luke is a good man, and weallapprove, not that you need our approval or blessing or anything like it. I’ll also say this: Joe, whose business this really oughtn’t to be, won’t be angry or sad or whatever you’re worried he’ll be thinking, Carrie. In fact, I didn’t want to be the one tell you this but here goes?—’

Ella doesn’t have a chance to finish her sentence because Luke has leapt up off the sofa, Joe has followed, and they’re facing each other down like boxers before fight night.

Luke is yelling. ‘You did what? Why in the hell would you do that?’

‘Oh boy,’ Ella says, pulling my attention back to her from the show of testosterone. ‘He finally told him.’

‘What am I missing?’ I ask, my head spinning back and forth like a boomerang between Ella and Luke and Joe.

‘I’d just like to flag,’ Alisha says, ‘I didn’t know about this until I was already on island and embroiled against my will.’

‘Know about what?’ I ask, getting the distinct feeling there’s something I really should know that I definitely don’t.

But no one replies before Luke runs like an NFL player into Joe’s waist, propelling him over the back of the sofa, both men landing on the wood floor with a thud and the kind of groans that generally come from aging, aching bones.

Ella and I move closer to the action, where we can see both men rolling onto all fours to come up to stand. ‘I think, if you just take a pause, you’ll see this as a good thing,’ Joe is saying.

‘A good thing?’ Luke near screams, unsexily high-pitched, before diving across Joe’s back. Joe crawls around, thrashing like an animal under attack to throw Luke off him.

‘I feel worse this morning than I ever did!’ Luke shouts.

‘So it was a make-or-break situation,’ Joe defends. ‘Either way, you can move forward.’

Though I have no idea what they’re arguing about, his words strike a chord in my brain that I might be able to consider if I weren’t watching this display of adolescence, a little horrified on both their behalves, honestly, but also grateful that the attention is no longer on my sex life.

Dave and Thom glance to Ella and me. ‘Should we step in here?’ Dave asks in aPeaky Blindersaccent.

‘It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve gone at it,’ Thom adds in his Michael Caine-esque accent. ‘It’s your call, Ella; you’re the matriarch.’

Ella holds up a hand in instruction. ‘Give them a minute.’

Joe manages to roll over and pin Luke to the floor, Joe’s back to Luke’s stomach.

‘You had no right to interfere,’ Luke is saying, struggling beneath Joe until somehow Luke is on top of him and they seem to be running through a playbook of sex positions. So much so, I’m biting my lip to stop myself laughing.

‘I did it to make you happy, Luke. You’re my friend and I’m tired of seeing you miserable.’

Joe’s words seem to tame Luke for a moment. He stills, still straddling Joe’s waist and pinning his arms to the ground. ‘I’m not miserable.’

‘You can be, honey,’ Ella shouts, receiving a glare from Luke in return. ‘Sorry, not my business.’

‘You knew about this?’ Luke asks, his eyes flicking to mine briefly then back to Ella.

‘I… You know what he’s like, Luke. When Joey sets his mind on something…’

Luke moves to…slap???Joe. Joe slaps back and they’re having some kind of purses-at-dawn-type slapping wrestle.

‘You know I’m a black belt,’ Joe says.

‘Black belt or not, Hettich, we’re in the middle of a goddamned hurricane! What were youthinking?’ Luke shouts, with, I think, genuine fury in his expression.

Joe holds up his palms. ‘Now that I do feel bad about.’

Luke swipes at Joe’s palms and they’re rolling around the floor again.

Noah and Toby have left their games to come and watch whatever the heck is happening on the floor between their father and godfather. ‘Mom, is Dad okay?’ Noah asks.

‘Oh, yeah, honey. They’re just, ah, play fighting, that’s all.’

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