Page 51 of Fake It 'til You Make It

‘That’s because she can act!’ Mom shrieks.

Oh gosh, I have to hang up before I die from split sides. But not before I say very quickly, ‘That’s true. Also, I have to run but I’ll check with my date and see how soon we can come out, okay? Love you. Byeeeeee.’

‘Date? Whatdate?’

I hang up and laugh all the way back to my boiling pasta.

Jokes aside, once I’ve had some dinner and soaked my tired feet, I’ll head upstairs and ask Mike how flexible he is on travel dates.

And hope that he hasn’t changed his mind entirely since Saturday.

21

TED

It is nearly 7p.m. when the noise I’ve been dreading since my call with Mel yesterday occurs. I’ve been hoping all day that I was wrong, that it wouldn’t really happen, that I could somehow escape to Canada with Abbey before…

The building concierge buzzes my intercom for a second time and when I eventually answer, he tells me, ‘I have a Miss Fleur Dumont for you. Shall I send her up, sir?’

I feel like I’m having an outer-body experience, as if my spirit is levitating above me and only my physical body says, ‘Yes.’

As I move the few steps to the door, I tell myself that I’ll open it, pin it back into the magnetic holster and walk away, let Fleur come into this new space alone, without welcome.

Yet, I find myself in the open doorway, staring at the elevator doors, watching the digital counter above rise from the ground level through to the eighth floor, my spirit finally rejoining my body as I take two big involuntary breaths.

I suppose I want to see her face, read her initial reaction to seeing me. I guess I want to know whether she feels any ounce of remorse.

Does it matter?Probably not. What’s done is done.

I’m sick with anticipation. It’s no wonder Abbey wanted to bury herself in a chocolate calzone after her first meeting with her ex.

When the elevator doors open, the way I feel is how I imagine a person feels when they’re staring into the headlights of an oncoming truck, right before it ploughs into them. A thousand emotions wash over me. I see the future I thought I’d have with Fleur, the past I had with her, and this absurd current reality.

Fleur is out-of-this-world attractive. The kind that takes hours to perfect. Immaculate. Flawless. Undeniably intimidating, like a higher power. Untouchable, unreal, like staring at the front page of the world’s finest and most overpriced magazines.

Her good looks catch me unprepared, the way they do when she returns from a trip to one of the fashion capitals, like Milan or Paris. Over time, with proximity, I’ve become acclimatized to it, but when I first see her after a while, it blows me away to the land of dumbstruck.

She looks as if she’s going to go hell for leather at me and if I could form a coherent thought, I’d think she has a nerve.

But then she softens, leans her head to one side and gives me the kind of look she might give a puppy who had an accident on the rug. It’s pity and annoyance all at once.

‘Teddy Bear,’ she says, almost sighing the words as she makes her way across the hallway.

She lifts her arms, blind to my current overriding sense, which is to run. In a fight or flight situation, I always choose flight.

But the boldness of her. This isn’t a social occasion. This isn’t a meal out. This is our entire lives together she’s ruined. It’s my closest friendship she’s crushed.

Has she always been this person? Is this on me? Did I choose to propose to the devil?

I hold my next blink and in the fleeting darkness, I hear Mike telling me to grow a pair. That’s exactly what I need to do: listen to my big brother.

‘What are you doing?’ I bite at her. ‘Fleur, when I look at you, all I can see is you sleeping with Rome. You seriously want me to give you a hug?’

I walk away, leaving her standing on the threshold. If she wants to come in, it’s up to her, but I’m not wilting or bending to her like I normally do.

I head to the refrigerator for a beer but at the last second take a can of soda because I know I’ll regret not having a clear head for this. I’ll for sure regret it if my inhibitions are lowered. I’ve just displayed a scrap of backbone, probably for the first time since we met.

I hear the front door close, so I know Fleur has come inside the apartment. I can sense her nearness.

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