Page 101 of Fake It 'til You Make It

Our mom looks exquisite in her two piece with her hair salon-styled and her make-up done by Dee, which is equivalent to professional. Dee and I are each wearing the other’s dress and Mom must be running on adrenaline because she hasn’t even seemed to notice.

The pianist starts to play something beautiful that makes my eyes well momentarily. Then Dee and I hug Mom, each under one arm and tell her, ‘We love you.’

‘I’m so pleased I get to do this again with my girls beside me,’ Mom says. ‘Now, hurry along, I don’t want to keep your dad waiting.’

Chuckling, Dee and I stand side by side and as the doors are opened for us by Mom’s party planner, we head down the aisle.

Near the back of the guests, I spot Andrew, standing next to his parents and Maisie Daisy and her parents. Seeing him startles me. It makes me feel sickly nervous. I guess because I’ve built up today and seeing him into something huge. That’s why Mike is here, after all. But right now, looking his way, I have no idea why.

I’m pleased I saw him at the hotel on Thursday. I’m pleased I got to see how manipulative he is because I know, without a shadow of doubt, that I don’t want to be with him anymore and I don’t care whether he’s with someone else. I don’t care about making him jealous anymore.

All I do care about is my family, my best friend, and?—

Mike is standing at the end of the row, right near the front. I’m suddenly very aware that my hair has been styled and I’m wearing Dee’s much sexier dress than my own. And I’m extremely sensitive to the way his lips curve into a soft smile when he sees me, the way his chest visibly rises with his next breath, and the way his eyes are focused only on me.

My own breaths feel like they’ve stopped, like I’ll never be able to breathe again. My heart hammers in my chest and…

‘Oh, God, Dee, I feel sick.’

‘Urgh, me too. So sick… Wait, why do you feel sick?’

‘I can’t feel my legs either.’ And I can’t take my eyes off the man in front of me. ‘I think either my body is malfunctioning or, maybe, this is what it feels like to fall in love.’

Dee links her arm through mine, pulling me into our next slow step, and through a smile, she tells me, ‘This may be the best mistake you’ve ever made.’

I glance her way now because of all of the random, rash decisions I’ve made in the last few weeks, Dee is yet to tell me that any of them is a mistake, which means she must really mean it.

‘I know,’ I confess.

But this mistake has been the best time of my life.

We reach the end of the aisle and tuck into the row of seats in front of Shernette and Mike, turning to watch Mom coming down the aisle.

But I can’t look at Mom because the man standing next to me looks incredible, he smells so good, and when he whispers to me, ‘You’re beautiful,’ every single cell in my body wants to kiss his face until my lips are numb, to feel his fingers in my hair, to feel his body under my touch.

Oh my God, I am in love with Mike.

This really has been the worst idea ever.

47

TED

I’ve been placed on a table with Shernette and Nate and his wife and kids. Nate’s okay, a bit brash and self-centered but he seems like a good guy at heart. His wife and kids are alotbut not bad people on first meeting, just a little noisy and frantic. I don’t know, maybe that’s just life for parents with young kids. I’ve got to admit, if my kids were as cute as Abbey’s niece and nephew, I’d probably let them have ice cream for main course, too.

It’s a decent table. Shernette is a great laugh and doing a stellar job for the most part of keeping my mind at the table and not drifting off into wondering what tomorrow will bring for Abbey and me. How this will all end.

I can’t bring myself to meet Terry’s eyes. I congratulated him and Anna after they renewed their vows but it felt tense, fraught. He wants me to tell Abbey the truth. I need to.

Because the best thing about sitting on this table is that I’m right in front of the top table and the most incredible and attractive woman in the room is in my direct eye line. I love Abbey in her fluffy slippers, her big pants and loungewear. Watching her move in her form-fitting sportswear yesterday did all kinds ofthings to my hormones that shouldn’t happen just from seeing her in Lycra.

But today, she truly is mesmerizing. From the dress and shoes to the way her hair has been curled and tucked behind one ear; even the light touch of her make-up and the smell of her perfume. Despite those things, I’ve mostly watched the bedazzling smile she’s worn nearly non-stop. The way she loves her family is immeasurable and wonderful.

I’ll be sad to have to leave all of this but that will be nothing compared to the way it would kill me to walk away from Abbey. So I have no choice. I have to tell her and give us the minutest chance of getting through this.

I already know I’m fighting a losing battle.

I saw the way she sought out Andrew in the crowd of guests as she walked down the aisle earlier.

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