Page 79 of Reluctantly You

Itry not to think of him, how his hand felt in mine, the way I wanted to kiss him again.

Makes me all sorts of confused, I don’t even know how to speak about it, so I cancel therapy the following day because I don’t have the words. Fucking Gideon, making me feel things.

But then after work, he messages me, a simple note inviting me to an art show tonight, and I start to feel the dull, lifeless colors change around me, rust to honey, warm and sweet.

Fuck.

I should say no, but I don’t. I type out a message, telling him I can meet him there before flopping onto my sofa and staring at my phone. Everything is confusing, a mess of emotions.

I’m flailing.

I don’t know what I want.

My phone chimes and I peer at it, expecting it to be Gideon, but it’s not. It’s Magnus.

Magnus

So I’m bored. Tell me about your life. What have I missed?

Me

Didn’t think you’d care to know.

Magnus

Like I said, bored.

I snort at that. It’s well deserved. He doesn’t need a valid reason to ask. He can do and say whatever he wants with the way I treated him in the past.

I was a bully, an asshole. Hating myself for what I wanted and then projecting it onto him.

Or at least that’s what my psychologist said.

Me

Just been busy with work and working out.

Magnus

Still a gym bro?

Me

Yep. Met someone there you’d really like.

I fiddle with my phone and tap it on my chest. I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t, but I’m feeling chaotic, a swirl of red and black.

Me

Also found out that our dad isn’t my bio dad.

I wait. And wait, the bomb already having been dropped, the seconds ticking like a death knell. For a moment, I consider deleting the comment, but I don’t. I can’t. He’s probably already seen.

Suddenly, the phone rings, Magnus’s name flashing across the screen.

I don’t want to answer, don’t want to talk. So I ignore it. But he was always a persistent fucker and he calls back three times until I finally pick up.

“Honestly, you asshole. Don’t drop that and then not answer.”

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