Page 47 of Reluctantly You

“Great. Well, since I have your approval, I’m going to dish you all up. Matt, can you grab the garlic bread from the oven, and Beau, can you grab the parmesan from the fridge?”

Several minutes later, we’re all seated around a table, food piled before us, and I have to stop myself from grabbing my fork and shoveling it all into my mouth at once.

I haven’t had anything this good in ages. Fuck plain chicken and broccoli. That’s boring shit compared to this.

“Go ahead and eat up,” Coop says, and I take a meager bite, trying to behave, but instincts interrupt and I end up piling it in as fast as I can.

“I think he likes it,” Coop whispers, and Matt grins.

“He does. Probably been living off protein shakes and shit, right?”

I nod, cheeks bulging. “Yeah. Haven’t had pasta in a while. It’s really fucking good.”

“Well, there’s plenty more where that came from,” Coop replies as I tear into a piece of garlic bread like a rabid wolf.

They probably think I’m starving. And I am, in a way. Starved for this, for companionship, for love.

“Thank you,” I say, flicking my eyes up and meeting Coop’s. He smiles softly at me, the diamond earrings in his ears glinting in the light.

“Of course. Anytime.”

I grunt in acknowledgment, getting back to work and scraping my plate clean. When I’m done, I sit back and listen to them chat, filling me in on their lives. There’s so much I’ve missed out on, little details about what they’ve gone through, how they’ve grown. And they talk about Magnus too, little snippets of his life filled with joy and happiness and children.

I just listen intently, knowing that they’re being careful about what they say, not wanting me to interject with something bigoted and foolish.

But I won’t. I’m biting my tongue. I’m going to keep my thoughts to myself.

“Now that everyone’s done, want to go sit outside? I have dessert,” Coop asks.

“Sure.”

He claps his hands in excitement and stands up, striding to the kitchen to grab something from the fridge.

Max, Matt, and Beau go over to help, and I’m left at the table.

Alone. Again.

Suddenly, I feel so small, so horrible. My stomach aches and not from the amount of food I shoveled in there. It’s obvious Coop went to a lot of trouble for this, all for me. And I’ve been nothing but horrible to them all. I don’t deserve this.

I don’t deserve any of it.

“I, um, need to use the bathroom,” I say, standing up suddenly. “Where is it?”

“Yeah, this way,” Matt replies as he leads me to a small powder room near the front door. With a muttered thanks, I step inside and close the door, leaning my head against the cool wall and shutting my eyes

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why am I like this?

I know this hate I have inside of me, for myself and for others, was taught to me by my dad and mom, but how did I not see it? How did I not look past all those hateful words and see how wonderful differences could be?

I’ve been missing out, been so blind.

I knock my forehead against the wall and let out a sputtered breath.

Fuck.

I need to leave before I break down. I want to crumble.

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