Page 106 of Reluctantly You

“Yeah, I think so too. I uh, I’m also thinking about telling my brothers about my…dad. Their dad. You know?”

“Oh, that’s a big step. How do you feel about that?”

I scoff. How do I feel? Like shit. Like I might lose the one thing I still love, still care about. What if they reject me? What if this is their excuse to discard me for good?

“I dunno. Shitty? Worried they’re gonna use this as an excuse to cut things off with me.”

“That’s a scary thought.”

“Yeah, it fucking is.”

I shift my gaze out to the parking lot and let my mind reel. What would I do if they left me? If they decided I wasn’t worth it?

I’m not sure I’m worth fighting for.

“What’s that look? What are you thinking?” Paul asks, always so perceptive, even though we’re only in virtual therapy. I wish he had less insight into me. But he can read me like a fucking book. Perhaps I’m not as closed off as I think.

“Just worried. That when I tell them…it’s all over. I’ve always been a dickhead. This could be the final straw. The reason they discard me once and for all.”

He nods and then runs a hand across his jaw. “Why don’t you message them now while we’re together? See about setting something up. Maybe this weekend? Let them know then.”

I huff and consider it.

“Yeah, I could. It could be casual. Like a barbecue.”

“Yes, whatever you’re most comfortable with. This is your life, Mitch. Yours. You get to dictate what happens.”

I nod and we finish off our session, my mind trying to process everything I’ve done and have yet to do. I log off with a tremor in my heart. I can do this. Iwill. With a flick of my fingers, I send a message to Matt and Max, inviting them and their partners—fuck, husbands—over on Friday night.

For a barbecue.

A roasting of their older brother.

It could be the end of me. Of us.

I stare down at my phone and see their immediate responses.

They’re coming.

I shoot a message to Magnus, letting him know about the get-together. I doubt he can come because of the kids and how far away he lives, but wanted to invite him all the same.

Magnus

Shame. I’d love to be there but we’re away this weekend on a camping trip. I’m with you in spirit. Sem says he hopes you burn.

I let out a loud laugh and shake my head.

Me

I deserve that.

Magnus

You do, but we all deserve a second chance. Let me know how it goes.

I stare at his message and shove my phone in my pocket.

This is fucking terrifying.

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