Page 60 of Reluctantly You

Fuck, he’s not letting me win this, just digging his fingers into my jaw tighter and plundering.

He’s taking what he wants, just like he always does, with no consideration for anyone else. I widen my mouth and slash my tongue against his, our teeth clashing as he presses me roughly up against the car door. The cool metal bites into my back, and I feel it through the heat sizzling off my skin.

I’m on fire. I’m on fucking fire. Kissing another man.

Is this who I am?

Is this me?

I don’t know. I was never allowed to know.

I wrench my head away, my lips wet and swollen, my breathing coming out in frantic pants.

“You…fuck this,” I rasp, and Gideon’s lips twitch.

“Always so angry.”

My tongue peeks out and swipes my lips, tasting him there. I want to wipe it away, want to never taste it again, and yet I can’t erase what we did. I can’t fucking undo it.

“You can’t kiss me. You can’t kiss me…”

His hands fall from me, and he takes a step back from me.

“Don’t worry. Won’t happen again. Was shit anyways.”

My eyes narrow, and his lips twitch.

“Are you coming back inside?”

I shake my head, realization dawning on who’s still in there. Suddenly, my skin grows hot for another reason. What if he saw me out here, pressed up against Gideon, our lips smashed together? What if he saw who I really am?

If he didn’t want me before. He definitely won’t now.

“I can’t. I can’t look at him. I…”

My words trail off and I angrily swipe at my mouth, trying like hell to swallow down the sting of it.

I don’t even say another word, just pull open my car door and slip inside.

Gideon steps back as I put the car in drive and nearly screech out of the parking lot, not even looking back. I can’t look back.

Don’t fucking look.

When I finally make it home, I pick up Little Pants and push my face into her fur. She meows loudly, trying to get out of my desperate grip, and I realize that she’s hungry. I gently set her down and grab a can of wet food, putting it in her dish and listening as her little tongue laps at it.

My mind slashes to the kiss, the taste of Gideon. My trembling fingers move to my lips, and I hold my breath.

Oh fuck.

Why did I do that?

I sink to the ground and put my head in my hands.

Why did I like it?

As I sit there in my own self-pity, Little Pants comes up and sits in my lap, purring softly. The small rumbles calm me slightly, and I rub my fingers through her fur and lean my head against the wall, trying to regulate my thoughts.

It doesn’t work.

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