Page 38 of Tracking Shadows

Scared?

The word feels like a punch to the gut, but I can’t deny it. The fear that gnaws at me every time I think about Sergei, about what happened to my family, threatens to suffocate me.

I can’t go through that again. I can’t.

I take a step back, my throat tightening as I struggle to hold onto the walls I’ve built. “You don’t get it.”

“Then help me get it,” he says, softer now. “Tell me why you’re so afraid of trying.”

Because I’m not strong enough. Because I can’t lose again.

“I can’t do it,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “I can’t go through that again.”

Alexei’s face softens, and he takes a step toward me. “Irina . . ..”

“I lost everything,” I say, the words barely above a whisper. “Everything. And I can’t . . . I don’t want to be a hero, Alexei. I just want to survive.”

For a moment, the room is silent, the weight of my admission hanging between us like a thread.

He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight. “You are surviving. And you’re stronger than you think.”

The tears come in full force now, and I bury my face in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

Maybe I am afraid. Maybe I’ve been afraid all along.

He strokes my hair gently, his voice soft and steady. “It’s okay,” he murmurs. “It’s okay.”

But it’s not. It hasn’t been okay for a long time.

Will it ever be? Or am I always going to be stuck in this place, trying to survive but never really living?

Chapter 13 – Alexei

“I've been waiting for an update."

"Well, shit's gotten messier," I respond, leaning against the kitchen counter, trying to figure out how to sum it all up.

"What has?

I exhale slowly. "The whole fucking operation, Dmitri. Sergei is the least of our worries. There’s a bigger network, and they’re trafficking women and children. The ball we went to wasn’t just a cover for drugs. It was an auction. They were selling human beings."

There’s a pause on the other end of the line. "You’re telling me they were selling people?"

"Yeah," I say, swallowing hard. "Kids, Dmitri. Women, too. I saw the files. They’ve got the routes, the buyers, everything. It’s all laid out in those papers."

"Fuck," Dmitri mutters. "How deep does this go?"

"It’s global . . .. It’s not just here. They’ve got operations everywhere. Europe, Asia, Africa. The list of buyers goes on and on."

Another long silence, but I can hear Dmitri breathing on the other end.

"Don’t do anything yet," Dmitri says finally in a firm voice.

"What?" My grip tightens on the phone. "Are you serious? How can you say that after what I just told you?"

"Calm the fuck down," Dmitri snaps back. "I’m telling you, don’t make any rash decisions. You can’t go in blind, not when it’s this big. You’re too close to it right now."

I grit my teeth. "You think I’m gonna sit on this? After what we’ve seen? You expect me to just wait?"

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