Page 85 of Breathing Without You

I hear a door creek and look next door to see Emerald stumbling out onto her porch, slurring whatever words she’s saying.

“Fuck that hurt, stupid foot getting in my way.” I laugh quietly, of course she’s ruining my perverted thoughts of her. It’s almost like she knew I was thinking of her and had to ruin it.

“Fuck, I’m drunk and horny. This is fucking stupid. Fuck you, Creedence for breaking up with me, we could be fucking right now,” she yells a little as she starts sniffling. Shit. There goes my rock-hard cock.

I sit up trying to listen to what else she’s saying but she’s not being as loud now, it almost sounds like she’s whispering. Fuck, I hope she’s not crying.

30

EMERALD

I siton my front porch, with a bottle of wine in my hand and see Creedence standing by his truck, but I don’t think he can see me from how dark it is, at least he doesn’t acknowledge me if he does. I decide to tease him and start talking loud enough for him to hear, I don’t even care right now. I’m drunk and for once my feelings are numb. Everything is numb, especially my lips. I love when I drink to the point of my lips going numb, for some reason I’ve always loved that feeling.

“Fuck, I’m drunk and horny. This is fucking stupid, fuck you, Creedence for breaking up with me, we could be fucking right now.” My drunken teasing turned into drunken depression and now I’m crying. I wonder if he had heard me because now, he’s walking away. I wonder if maybe he’s sick of hearing me, so he goes inside. I talk to myself instead because I have no one to talk to right now.

“Fuck, why did I have to go and buy him a helmet thinking it would just magically fix all of his problems or bring his fucking brother back.” I make sure I say that extra quietly because I don’t want him to think I’m shit talking about his brother because I’m not. I just feel like such an ass for doing something with sucha touchy subject like I was just going to fix his years of grief overnight. I wasn’t trying to make his grieving go away, I was just trying to find a way to bring him another form of happiness.

“You’re such an idiot, Emerald, how are you going to bring him happiness with such a sensitive subject,” I slur to myself as I take another sip from my bottle.

I wasn’t having a bad night with rotating my bottle of cherry vodka and my bottle of wine while watching crime documentaries and eating the pizza I had ordered. I made sure to get something greasy to help absorb all this alcohol I’m drinking. I stand up and start walking down my driveway to my car, I climb up and sit on the trunk to sit down with my wine. Creedence is still outside on his front porch, I saw him when I was climbing up on my trunk but I’m hoping he didn’t notice me, I just needed some more air. I don’t get a good breeze with the bushes blocking my front stairs and I just love being outside. I’d rather be outside enjoying the nice weather while it lasts than be inside. I take another sip of my wine when I hear someone walking in Creedence’s driveway. He's back by his truck. What the fuck, now I have no way to get back to my porch without him seeing me. Right when I start to look over my shoulder to see what he’s doing, he walks back up to his house. Thank god, I think he was just grabbing something from his truck.

I take another sip of my wine. Fuck I’m going to regret this in the morning. So, I take one last sip before putting the cork back in. I hop off my car and start walking towards my front door. I head inside, lock the front door and walk to my room, making a trip to the bathroom and then stripping out of my clothes before getting into my nice, warm bed. I’m drunk and I’m lonely. What a shitty way to fall asleep and a shitty way to end the night.

The next day I wake up and can barely open my eyes. The room is spinning, my tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth from how dry my mouth is, I feel nauseous and yet again, another fucking pounding headache. I laugh to myself at that one like it isn’t my own damn fault that I feel like shit. It’s not like I’m sick or something, nope I’m causing my own damn problems. I slowly sit up keeping my eyes closed and place one foot on the ground to hopefully stop some of the spinning so I can use the bathroom and brush my teeth to get this nasty taste of wine and cherry vodka out of my mouth. I finally open my eyes a little only squinting, not bothering to open them all the way due to things being too fucking bright and I walk slowly in the bathroom.

After brushing my teeth and everything I head into my closet and put on some underwear and a large T-shirt before heading to my kitchen for something to eat and drink. I take something for my head and settle on some pizza from last night, not caring that it’s nine-thirty in the morning. I grab my Dr. Pepper, a bottle of water, and the pizza and head to my room to check my phone and see I have a text from Winter.

Winter

Hey babes, how are you doing?

Emerald

Hungover… still drunk maybe? Not exactly sure yet. You?

Winter

Lol oh girl, I can’t even. You are braver than I am with all that alcohol mixing. I still feel shitty from it.

Emerald

I did too that’s why I drank some more yesterday, to hopefully feel better…shitty idea.

Winter

Well ya…I could’ve told you that one.

Emerald

Shhhh, we don’t talk about that.

Winter

Hahaha I talked to Chas, you’re still coming to that party Friday just so you know.

Emerald

S, do I have to? What if he’s there?

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