Page 87 of Breathing Without You

You workin today?

Emerald

No thank god, I’d be too drunk for it.

Winter

Lol that’s great. I have to work with Stacy, I was hoping you’d be there too.

Emerald

Damn, I’m sorry, babe. No, Lisa told me to take a few days off. She said she’d text me when she wants me to start working again.

Winter

Aww that was nice of her, I love Lisa.

Emerald

Same, she’s the best boss ever.

Winter

She really is.

After eating my food and texting Winter I decide on a nice hot bath before I go back to drinking again for the day.

“Actually, fuck it, I’m gonna drink while I sit in the bath, it’s never too early to start drinking,” I say to myself, that’s how lonely I am these days. I wake up, drink, get drunk, eat, and watch crime documentaries or sad movies because apparently, I think I need to cry more. I tried going back to work but Lisa knows I’m not ready for that yet, and she’s right I break down a lot still.

I can’t believe that in just a few days it’ll be two weeks since I’ve had a boyfriend, since we’ve slept together, kissed, or done anything together. Since he’s told me he’s loved me even. And nothing has changed about my feelings for him. I thought I’d be over him a little but I’m not at all. I still feel the same way today that I did when it first happened and I’m sure when it hits two weeks, I’ll still feel the same way.

I spend the next few days the same way. I wake up feeling depressed, alone and like shit. The room is spinning, my mouth is dry. I wake up, I brush my teeth, and barely get dressed. Only eat if I’m hungry and go right back to spending my day drinking. I’ve had my groceries delivered because I just didn’t want to leave the house until today, Friday and now I’llhaveto leave. I don’t even bother paying attention to Creedence’s house next door when I go outside, I’m completely numb and broken. I wonder if I’ll ever find the old Emerald again. I miss Creedence more and more each day and the pain only gets even more unbearable than it was the day before. Am I really this pathetic or is this just what it feels like to lose someone you love? I didn’t respond to Winter or Chastity’s texts. I just kept to myself until today. The day I promised my friends that I’d go to a party that I really don’t want to go to anymore. But I’ll show up drunk and leave trashed. I smile to myself at my plan, although I’ll regret that being numb in the moment will be better than the aftermath.

I look down at my phone and see that I have over thirty texts from the girls in our group chat all worrying about me from the last three days. I finally feel ready to respond to them.

Winter

Are you fucking alive? Today is Friday. I’m about to break down the door if I don’t hear from you today.

Chastity

Seriously dude, don’t make us come over there and break that door down, I’ve been working out more so I’ve got more muscles and I’m not afraid to use them.

Chastity

Ok… obviously I’m not that strong but with the help of Winter we’ll get the job done.

Winter

Exactly, I’m weak as fuck but we can get the job done together.

Emerald

I’m alive don’t worry guys you don’t have to break down my door.

Winter

THANK GOD! What have you been doing?

---