Page 3 of Breathing Without You

“Good evening, is there a reason why you were speeding?” The cops in this town suck. They don't do their jobs right because they don't think they have to. They just think because they’re cops, they’re in control, and that’s why they can run things however they want to.

But what am I supposed to say to him, sorry officer I was rushing out of this girl’s house that I just fucked, because she was starting to become clingy and on the verge of tears because I didn’t want to sleep over? That my friends are convinced I only sleep with girls when I'm in a relationship because I don't share my sex life. Why not? Because I don't need them knowing what kind of shit I'm into, I like to keep that private and that's why I'm careful about who I sleep with. I'm just hoping that Daisy keeps her fucking mouth shut, I wasn’t as intense with her as I usually am because I know she likes to talk, but she definitely enjoyed what I did with her. I knew I shouldn't have slept with her, but I couldn't resist, she’s got something about her that I just couldn’t walk away from. I should’ve just stayed away from her though, especially after what her best friend Brynn did to my best friend Carsten. But like he said about Brynn in the past, I feel the same way about Daisy right now, the pussy is just too good to let go, that’s why I keep hooking up with her.

“Sorry sir, I umm didn't realize I was going that fast,” I say, trying to keep it cool and not get pissy; I just want to get home. I'm tired and have to work in the morning, and it’s not that easy tattooing when you’re half asleep, especially when your eyes areheavy. You gotta stay focused so you don’t fuck up the lines, or any of it really.

“Can I have your license and registration please?” He has a cocky look on his face, of course he does, I feel like he’s the only one who ever pulls me over in this town. Like he’s the only cop who ever works. I’m just convinced that since he arrested me that one time, he just has it out for me, so when he sees me he pulls me over.

“Um yeah, give me one second to grab it from my wallet and glove box.” I’m getting annoyed, I feel like he's dragging this out, which I know he’s not. I’m just impatient and don’t want to be here. I’d rather be in my comfy warm bed right now. I actually could’ve been pulling into my driveway right now if he wouldn’t have pulled me over.

“Creedence Knoxx?” he asks, looking at my license, he looks at me then back to my license, what a tool. He acts like we haven’t gone over this before, like he’s never pulled me over. At this rate he should just walk up to me and say, “Good evening, Creedence.” That’s how often we go through this.

“Yes sir, that's my name.” I try not to roll my eyes, still not sure why he’s acting like he’s never done this before, or we’ve never been around each other before, like I said he’s the only cop that ever fucking wastes my time and pulls me over.

“I’ll be right back,” he says, taking my information with him. Great, another thing to waste my time. Usually I'm not disrespectful, but like I said before, I’m tired and annoyed already, so I’m just grumpy. Plus, fucking Daisy didn’t do anything to get Emerald off my mind, not after tonight at Black Velvet and how fucking sexy Emerald looked, and the way her soft, plump lips felt against mine, damn I need to kiss her again it’s like I can’t stop craving her, I’ve never felt lips so soft, so perfect. They fit against mine like they were always meant to be there.

But instead, Daisy and I had already had plans to fuck. It was boring sex because I wasn’t really into it, my mind was on Emerald the whole time, I think at one point I had to pretend that Daisy was Emerald just to get myself off. Then after we fucked, I got dressed and left. That's why she was being so dramatic because I didn’t want to stay, which I usually don’t, so I don’t know what was different about it this time. I think it’s best I cut things off with her anyway. I think the psycho is starting to catch feelings and I’m not about to have another crazy bitch on my ass about where I’m at and who I’m with when I can be a free man to do as I please. I wouldn’t say I’m a whore, I sleep around, but I stick to the same girl for a bit or the same few girls for quite some time, not quite relationships but I guess you could say fuck buddies.

God I can’t wait to see Emerald tomorrow, it’ll probably only be in passing as we both head to work but still, her beautiful fucking face, it’s stuck in my mind all damn day anyway, and that ass of hers, mmm looks so fucking delicious I just want to sink my teeth into it. She’s got curves for days. But then I’m interrupted from my thoughts by Officer whatever his name is–I didn’t quite catch it. But I don’t care to remember it either.

“Here you are Creedence.” He hands me back my stuff. “I’m feeling nice today and it’s been a while since you’ve been pulled over for speeding. Have a nice night.” And he just walks away leaving me in shock, he doesn’t even give me the chance to respond. Which I’m fine with. I'm just surprised he didn’t want to give me a ticket for speeding, oh well I’m not complaining.

I drive off lost in my thoughts about Emerald still, I can’t get her out of my mind. I think it’s safe to say I’m on the verge of being obsessed with her, that is if I’m not already obsessed. Yeah, now that I think about it, I’m fucking obsessed and I won’t be happy until she’s mine. I can’t wait to taste her sweet fucking lips again, mmm vanilla and sugar.

I get home and walk in through the garage walking past my blacked-out Harley Davidson Chopper, stopping for a minute to stare at it; I fucking hate the thing. It’s a good memory and a fucking nightmare all in one. I should’ve just gone to therapy, maybe it would’ve helped me cope with the nightmares and the horrible flashbacks, but for some reason thinking about talking to someone makes the guilt worse.

FOUR YEARS AGO

“You ready jackass?” my younger brother, Xander, asks, shoving my shoulder like he always does when he calls me a jackass. He may be younger than me, but he and I are best friends, we’ve been close our whole lives and I love it.

“Yeah, fuck face. Just remember to be careful please. It’s slippery out since it rained, don’t ride like an ass,” I tell him. We pulled off at a restaurant to eat while it rained, figuring we’d play it safe instead of riding through the rain, since it was pouring. But now that it’s drizzling, we gotta get back home before it’s too late. He just got his motorcycle license a couple months ago so it worries me that he thinks he’s untouchable and sometimes rides like a jackass. I just hope he’ll use his head now.

“Yeah, yeah. Stop trying to be my dad and go back to being my big brother, how about that,” he says jokingly, but I hate when he tries to act cocky, like he knows it all. Which I get, I’ve been eighteen before, not that I’m that much older, I just turned nineteen last week, but I know how to use my head when it comes to doing stupid shit on a motorcycle, especially in the rain.

“I’m not trying to be your dad, you know that. Now let's go before it starts storming again.” I give him a serious look, I hatethat he doesn’t take me seriously sometimes, the jackass always thinks I’m trying to be his dad, when really, I’m just worried about his safety.

“Be careful big bro,” he says, now all serious, something telling me he’s not feeling confident at the moment, his cockiness seems to be wearing off.

“You too, little bro.” They’re stupid nicknames but it’s something we’ve always called each other. Something I didn’t know I would never be able to call him again.

We get onto the highway to head home, it’s the only way home from where we’re at, so we don’t have a choice. There’s a lot of traffic so I’m making sure he’s driving ok, especially since the jackass and I didn’t wear helmets. Looking back and forth between the both of us, I end up switching lanes cause we’re getting closer to our exit, which I don’t think he notices cause he looks over at me to see where I went and right as he does his bike hits a puddle, which makes him lose control causing his bike to spin out from underneath him as his bodies thrown off of it, the impact from the way his body lands, smacking his head into the ground, killed him instantly.

I snap out of my flashback, shaking my head to wake myself up from it. That whole day changed my life. If I wouldn’t have switched lanes that would’ve been me, it should’ve been me. We didn’t wear helmets that day either, so I know what happened to him. It could've been different if we did wear our helmets, but every day I think to myself…it should’ve been me. I relive that nightmare every night in my sleep. Or lack of sleep, since I barely sleep anymore–the nightmares keep me up. Losing my brother keeps me up, the fact that it could’ve and should’ve been me is another reason I lose sleep every night. But I haven’t been the same since. There’s a heaviness in my chest that I carry aroundwith me daily that will never go away, the constant reminder that I lost my baby brother, it kills me.

I wake up the next morning to get ready for work, hoping I’m timing everything right to see Emerald in the driveway, even if it’s long enough to just say hi, I’d love to walk over and kiss her again, but that all depends on the timing. I rush to do my normal morning routine and get out the door. I see her car is in the driveway, so I set my stuff in my truck and wait. I fold the bed door down and sit there, like the obsessed creep I’m becoming. What is wrong with me? I’m turning into Carsten, when he stalked Emerald to talk to her about Winter, except this time I’m just stalking Emerald because I need her, and I won’t stop until I have her.

I finally hear her door shut about ten minutes later and look down at my phone seeing we both have at least five minutes until we have to leave. We don’t work together but we work close to each other, so I know her work schedule pretty well. That’s not even the obsessive part either, we’ve been working the same work schedule for years now, except I work two hours later than she does, so she usually gets home first.

I hop down off my truck bed and walk over to her driveway meeting her by her car before she gets there.

“Well good morning…stalker.” She laughs, blushing a little as she looks down. I love how much she blushes around me. I don’t even know what I do that makes her blush, but I love it. I don’t think there’s anything I dislike about this girl. Everything about her is perfect, absolutely fucking perfect.

“Good morning, beautiful. I just wanted to come over and tell you to have a good day at work,” I say, waiting for her to look up so I can make my next move.

“Really?” She finally looks up at me with a confused look on her face. “Why’s that?” She’s biting her bottom lip and it’s thesexiest thing ever; it’s making my dick semi hard just looking at it.

“Well Sugar, because I want you.” I don’t even care how blunt I’m being, I’m telling her how I feel because I don’t want to waste either of our time. I know what I want, and I’m not going to stop until I convince her to give me a chance. I don’t just want her sexually either, I mean I definitely do, don’t get me wrong. But I want more than that. I want to call her mine, and she’s going to be mine.

“You…you want…me?” she asks slowly and quietly, almost at a whisper towards the end of her sentence. It’s cute how she almost becomes shy around me, and I know she’s not shy.

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