Page 19 of Breathing Without You

I grab her hand and lead her out the garage door to the front porch and sit on the stairs, it’s too nice of a night to sit on the porch swing. She sits down next to me and it's quiet, too quiet. So, I figured I should probably explain where I went mentally and why I was crying.

“I’m apologizing in advance in case I cry again.” I place my hands together and look over at her.

“Never apologize for feeling, for expressing yourself. Never apologize for crying around me. I’d never judge someone for showing their emotions.” She scoots a little closer to me as she talks.

“My brother Xander and I were in a motorcycle accident. Well, he was. I just missed it,” I start off, clearing my already scratchy throat from the tears that are threatening to start filling up my eyes.

She doesn’t say anything, she sits there with a worried look on her face, listening as I start from the beginning, how we pulled over from the rain, ate some food while waiting for the storm to pass. How I could just tell he felt nervous about riding after the rain. How we were stupid and didn’t wear helmets that day.

“We were riding on the highway; we didn’t have a choice as that was the only way we had to get home. We probably should’ve waited longer before getting back on the road, but it was getting late, and I didn’t want him out in the dark. He had just gotten his license a few months before that, so he wasn’t used to riding at night, or after the rain.” I stop, looking in the other direction, trying to calm my nerves and blink back the tears that just keep falling without me allowing them too.

I continue on with more details, the condition of the roads. How we probably shouldn’t have been driving as fast as we were.

“I sped up to get ahead of him so I could switch lanes because our exit was coming up. I just assumed he’d switch lanes right after me. But instead, he sped up, his bike hit a puddle causing his bike to spin out, he hit another car causing him to fly off his bike. Which caused his head to hit the concrete first.” I pause again, wiping away my tears, this is the first time I’ve ever really spoken about this to anyone, besides Carsten, Chase, Axton, or my parents since it’s happened. But it feels kind of good getting it out after all this time.

“It all happened so fast I didn’t want to believe it, I thought maybe I was seeing things or imagining it. And after all this time it’s still my fault that he’s dead,” I choke out. “It should’ve been me, if I wouldn’t have switched lanes before him, I would’vebeen the one not him.” I shake my head as I stop talking just letting my tears continue to fall.

“Fuck, Creed.” Emerald sniffles, wiping her own tears. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” She says putting her hand on my lap over one of my hands.

She stops, removing her hand from mine. I look up at her confused. She moves my arms and steps up, then sits down on my lap, straddling me, it’s not meant to be sexual. It’s comforting.

“Don’t say that. I don’t know your brother, but I know he wouldn’t want you blaming yourself and I think deep down you know that.” Her voice sounds sad. “You can’t live your life blaming yourself babe or you won’t enjoy it.” She finally looks at me and I see she has tears in her eyes that are ready to spill over.

“I know I just can’t be happy knowing it should’ve been me, and I try to tell myself that he wouldn’t want me feeling this way, but I just… I just feel guilty. Like if I go on living a happy life it’s not fair to him.” I pause, taking a deep breath.

“Creed, please don’t blame yourself. I promise you it’s not your fault and I’m not going to stop telling you that until I can convince you that it’s true.”

She looks into my eyes, as she cups my face, wiping my tears with her thumbs in the process and leans in giving me a soft, slow kiss. I wrap my arms around her middle, hugging her tight while I deepen the kiss more, kissing her passionately. The fact that she took the time to show me how much she cares with just those sweet words and simple gestures means more to me than she’ll ever know.

I pull away from the kiss. “Thank you, Emerald.” My voice is husky from the way she’s sitting, how it’s starting to affect me. It’s hard not to get worked up when this beautiful woman straddles your lap. Now I’m emotional and horny, what a terrible combination to feel at once. But I push the sexual desiresaway and focus on her showing me that she cares. Even if she’s not saying it with words anymore, she’s showing it. She lays her head down on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck and we just sit there in silence. There’s something about the comfort of her presence that makes me feel at home, at peace. She helped take a weight off my shoulders tonight that I hadn't realized I’d been carrying. Just by listening and allowing me to feel something. I turn my head and open my eyes, her green and black hair in my face and I smile. She still has the pink scrunchy in her hair that I put in, I thought she’d take it out after the bath. I’ve only ever seen her with her hair down, even in passing before work, her hair’s always down.

“I like that you’re still wearing the scrunchie.” My voice comes out a mix of a rasp from crying and a husky tone from being turned on, again. My voice is not wanting to cooperate since crying.

“It’s my new favorite.” She lifts her head, turning to look at me as she smiles. I lean forward and gently kiss her cheek, her skin as soft as velvet, I could touch her all day, kiss her all day. Yep, I think it’s safe to say, I’m obsessed, and I might be in love with this woman right here.

I look over as Emerald starts to yawn, making me yawn myself, realizing how tired I am. It’s been a long day.

“You wanna go in and eat something then go to bed?” I’d love nothing more than to sleep with her next to me.

“I’d love nothing more than that.” She kisses my neck, then bites it lightly, instantly making my dick grow hard.

“Down boy.” She giggles as she slowly grinds herself into me. “God, I can’t resist you, Creedence,” she groans out. “I can’t have sex anymore, but I need to feel you again tonight,” she tells me between breaths.

“You have no idea how badly I want to be inside you right now, Sugar. I’m just going to have to get used to the fact that mydick is constantly going to be hard around you.” I laugh, shaking my head at her.

I lift her up under her ass and she tightly wraps her legs around my waist.

“Mmm,” I growl out from the heat of her pussy pressing against my hard cock. “I might not be able to control myself. I know you said I'll break you if we have sex again, but Emerald…my cock is throbbing for you,” I whisper into her ear in a hoarse voice.

“Oh god that was fucking sexy.” She practically moans out, her body moving like she just shivered.

“Maybe I can go one more round. But food first, please. I’m starving.” She laughs as I carry her through the garage back into the house into the kitchen.

We settle on making bacon grilled cheese together, it’s one of her favorite meals, even though it’s simple. She said it’s something that makes her happy, and it sounds fucking delicious to me, anything with bacon makes me happy.

We head to my room and eat in my bed while watching a movie together. Then we both end up falling asleep instead of another round of sex, which is fine with me because having her snuggled in my arms next to me with her head on my chest is the best feeling in the world. I could get used to this. Falling asleep next to her every night would be the best.

11

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