Page 18 of Breathing Without You

CREEDENCE

I’m notabusive at all. I love to be rough and leave marks and cause pain of pleasure. I like to make sure they know the difference, but I don't think she is questioning any of it, she’s enjoying it all too much.

“Come with me Creedence, please come in my pussy,” she groans out, and that’s all it takes for me to lose control completely. I lean in to kiss her, wanting to feel her lips against mine as I come. Her pussy tightens around me, and I feel her trying to pull away from my lips. Deciding to let go of her so I can watch the look of pleasure on her face as she comes undone, her heavy eyes fluttering, her breathing is heavy and uneven as her orgasm shoots through her.

“Oh goddd baby your pussy is going to be the death of me.” My voice hoarse. I’m barely even able to get the sentence out, because the pleasure takes over my body, this orgasm more intense than the last two, as I cum inside her again.

“I can’t have sex anymore tonight. I think you’re on the verge of breaking my pussy.” She laughs sliding into the tub in front of me, her legs still around my waist.

“I’ll give you a break for the rest of the night, I can’t wait to see all the marks on your body,” I say to her hoping she won’t freak out, making sure she is aware that there will be marks left on her. My love marks, I’ve never actually called them that before. I never had a name for them until now, until Emerald made me feel things I wasn’t expecting to feel.

“I have a feeling seeing them will just turn me on again.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know what it is about you but damn I’ve never had sex with someone this soon before or this much in one day.” She covers her face in embarrassment, so I reach up pulling her hands down and lift her chin to look at me.

“Look at me, Sugar,” I tell her, making sure her full attention is on me. “I’m glad you trusted me enough to do all of this tonight, but I'm really happy you enjoyed it all,” I tell her, pulling her in for another kiss. Everything about this girl is addicting. I always want to be addicted to her; I never want to become sober from her as my addiction if it means losing her.

After we finish up in the tub we get out and dry off. I give her clothes to change into, so she doesn’t have to go to her house. Then we head outside to get some fresh air, we walk out of the house through the garage so we can get to the back patio. But before we can get out back Emerald spots my motorcycle.

“Oh shit, is this your motorcycle?” Emerald asks right away; I mean it’s the first thing you see when you walk out the garage door so it’s not really a surprise that she asks. It just sucks, I hate the feelings that come rushing in along with the flashbacks that suck me in. Sometimes it feels paralyzing like no matter how much I try to escape or get away from these memories I can’t, I couldn’t run away from them even if I tried, I’m stuck with them for the rest of my life.

“Yeah, she’s mine.” My brother and I used to call them our girls so whenever I talk about my motorcycle, I call her a she, another horrible memory that haunts me, the guilt of being alive and still getting to call my Chopper a she.

“Can we go for a ride? I’ve never been on one before and I’ve always wanted to go on one.” She asks with a big smile on her face looking down at it. The look of excitement on her face is fucking adorable and I hate the fact and hate myself for the fact that I’m about to crush her excitement.

“Well not tonight since I’ve been drinking.” She cuts me off, the excitement still on her face.

“Shit, I forgot we were drinking but another day I meant.” She finally looks up at me, a concerned look on her face. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” She moves closer to me as she talks, making me feel nervous.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just, I don’t ride anymore is all.” A lump forms in my throat, I look away to blink back the tears that threaten to form. Something that still happens every time I think about him.

TWO YEARS AGO

What the fuck just happened? I think to myself as I pull over onto the side of the highway. Where the fuck did Xander just go, did I really just see that? My mind is freaking out, my body shaking, I walk to the side of the road dry heaving, and then I start vomiting up everything we just ate. I can’t control it. I need to go see where my brother is and what just happened, but I can’t stop the puke from coming up. I hear cars slamming on their brakes, sirens in the distance.

Someone is behind me talking but I can’t hear what they’re saying. My head is in a fog, I feel like I’m in some kind of tunnel,everything sounds muffled and far away. I feel like I might pass out, but I need to get to my brother. The tears start coming as I finally stop myself from puking. I slowly turn around and there's a puddle of blood surrounding a contorted body.

“Xander? Xander?” I scream to nobody but myself as I run to his body, he’s lying there, blood coming from his head and other parts of his body, I just can’t see from where. I’m afraid to touch him because I know what I’m going to find once I do and I’m not ready to see it.

“Xander please.” Spit and snot flying as I scream and cry next to him.

“Sir…sir, we’re going to need you to step away from the body. Sir, my name's Officer Jacobs, I need you to please move so the paramedics can move the body.

I’ve been in my own world. I didn't even notice the paramedics around him. I didn't notice the other people standing around freaking out or crying as I screamed and cried for my brother.

“Creedence?” Emerald says in a panic. “Creed?” she says a little louder this time. “Are you okay?” She shakes me back from being lost in the past. The memory I always find myself getting stuck in, the memory that still haunts me every, fucking day.

Lost in a nightmare, that I will forever keep living. It should’ve been me that day, but I was the asshole who switched lanes and let my little brother, my best friend, die.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. Where'd you go Creed? I’m right here, it's okay.” She grabs me, hugging me tightly while looking up at me. She reaches for the back of my neck, pulling me down by my nape to look at her.

That’s when I realized I've been crying. I reach up with my hand and wipe away my tears. Turning my head fromher, embarrassed. I usually don’t cry in front of people over this, I usually leave the room or blink the tears away. So, I’m surprised that my mind or my body, something trusts her to be comfortable around her, at least enough to just let go.

“Sorry.” My voice, gravelly. I clear my throat a couple times to get my voice back fully. “Sorry,” is all I can manage to get out. It’s a hard topic for me to talk and to think about.

“Creed, why are you apologizing? I should be the one saying sorry, I obviously triggered something, and I feel like an asshole now.” She shakes her head as she says it.

“Don’t, it’s not your fault it’s mine. Let’s go umm.” I pause, taking in a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. Damn I feel like a bitch, the only woman I’ve ever allowed myself to cry in front of is my mother. “Let’s go sit on the front porch instead,” I say and clear my throat again to get rid of the hoarse sound.

“Okay.” She says quietly letting go of me, looking down. I needed to get away from that garage and my motorcycle, so I changed my mind about going on the back patio. You can tell she feels bad though, so before we walk outside, I lean down and give her a soft quick kiss, to hopefully let her know I’m not mad or it’s not her fault.

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