Page 29 of Endless

"Wouldn't be a loss if you ask me," Carson says.

Fuck all of them and everything they have to say. Tears well up in my eyes, but I refuse to let him see my weakness. "Good thing nobody asked you," I spit, trying to stay strong.

I turn on my heels, not wanting to hear another word from anyone on this campus and march directly to the parking lot where I parked my car. I need to get the fuck out of here. I'm giving myself the rest of the day off again.

After a few minutes, I'm driving down the road. Now that I'm away from the prying eyes of everyone, I can let it all crash in on me. I don't have to pretend anymore, and I can't stop itfrom happening. Tears soak my face, blurring my vision.

I'm nobody. I'm worthless. Nobody wants me. I should just kill myself.That's what they all want. What the hell am I even doing with my life? Why am I never good enough for anyone? I wish Kellan were here to take this feeling away. Being around him would calm me instantly but he doesn't care. I tell myself even though I know it's not true. My chest heaves from the rush of emotions. It's all too much, and I don't want to feel any of it. I want to turn it off and go numb, but I can't.

The gates of the cemetery appear, and I want nothing more than to be on my blanket with the dead. The dead don't make me feel bad about myself. They don't judge. They don't make comments about something my shitty ex-boyfriend did that I had no control over.

I slam the car in park and open the trunk to grab the blanket but glance over to the supply of razors and bandages in the bag next to it. The last time I used them was the day Kellan found me and comforted me. He made me feel safe. He made me feel like, for the first time, I didn't need the release from the cool metal gliding across my skin.

I reach down and grab the package. Slowly, I pull out a shiny blade and hold it up. I stare at it for a moment, debating whether or not I need the release. I can feel the anxiety eating at the depths of my soul. The darkness inside me begs to be freed so she can make everything better again.

Withouta second thought, I drag the metal across my skin and lose myself in the feeling of the scraping along my wrist. Blood drips down from the cut. It's deep this time, but I doubt it will be deep enough to kill me.Would that be so bad, though?

The blood stops dripping from the cut after a few minutes, and I stare at the mess I've made on the grass behind my car. I still feel too much, and I want to be numb, so I dig into my arm again and watch as the blood begins to flow freely. Over and over, I repeat the process but never cut deep enough. The cuts actually seem to be getting more shallow as I go. It's like there's a part of me holding back.

I'm tired and I can't keep feeling like this. Mentally, I'm back to where I was two years ago on the bathroom floor at my parents’ house. The weight of the world is too much, and I'm suffocating.They told me to kill myself, so what's stopping me?

I take a deep breath, and the scent of fresh rain surrounds me. The familiar, clean smell causes my heart to swell.Is he here? Is Kellan watching? If he is, then why hasn't he shown himself to me? Does he want me to just get it over with, like everyone else?

If I die, maybe I’ll get to see him again, but would it be longer than a brief moment? I hold the blade up to my wrist, willing myself to make the final cut to end it all. I’m torn on what to do. I sit here and stare at my wrists and the blood covering them from the other cuts. Why am I hesitating this time?

Chapter 15

Kellan

It's pure fucking torture having to stay away from her. I can't show myself, but I've never left her alone for longer than I have to. I leave to reap souls and immediately pop back up in the shadows wherever she is, following her around like a lost puppy.

She was strong for a few days, but all of that is gone. It breaks down every part of my being, knowing that I am causing her pain. I want to appear, pull her into my grasp, and never let her go. I want to tell her she is perfect and how much I love her, but I am forbidden until her purpose has been fulfilled.

Hearing the things people have been saying to her is gut-wrenching, and Carson is the worst of all of them. I hope that when the time comes, wherever his soul ends up, it is tortured for eternity.

It took every ounce of my self-control to not appear in front of them when that vile girl told my pet to kill herself. I want to take her pain for her, but I can't. It's all for her purpose, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. She needs to be strong.

If at any point I feel like she can't get through this on her own, I will say fuck the rules and show up to stop her before she ends it all. Regardlessof what The Others want, I won't let her go through with that.

I have to believe she will get through this and that the connection we’ve established can withstand whatever she feels right now. I can sense she is on the fence about how I feel.

I want to shake her and tell her she's wrong. I am wholly in love with her. She consumes my entire being and is the start and end of all of my thoughts. As soon as I can show myself to her again, I will make sure to tell her every chance I get. I should have told her before, when she saw my true form and accepted me. She didn't stray away and not telling her was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.

Another soul calls out for me to lead them, but I can't leave my girl yet. She is running to her car, and I want to ensure she’s okay. She seems so hurt. Soon enough, she will never have to experience sadness like this ever again.

The pain of dealing with their existence will be over because she will be fully mine. I will never let another soul harm her again. She will only endure what she chooses, and everything else will be nonexistent.

I appear in the cemetery to wait for her to pull in. When she gets here, she immediately goes to open her trunk. I want to wipe the tears from her face. I thought she was grabbing the blanket she likes to lay on, but she didn't grab it. Something else caught her eye first. I feel the call for another soul who needs guidance, but again, I ignore it. I won't leave her—notlike this. Something is going to happen. I can feel the shift in her emotions.

I watch as she grabs the blade and brings it down on her wrist. She cuts herself over and over again to try and escape her feelings. She is overwhelmed with everything and nothing all at the same time.

It's torture to let her go through this, knowing that if I appeared, I could hold her until she was okay and calm all of her thoughts. I have a peaceful effect on her because her soul knows it belongs to me. She has always belonged to me, even if neither of us were aware of it yet.

Time passes, and I inch closer and closer to her. I can't risk showing myself, but I still want to be near her. I stand only a few inches away now, but she is none the wiser.

She looks between her wrist and then to the blade for a moment before her nostrils flare. She smells something in the air, and her eyes shoot up to glance around but she's disappointed when she sees nothing except the empty graveyard around her.

her eyes seem so defeated, lost, and confused. My perfect pet, all alone. Soon, you will never be alone again. You will be by my side every single day until the end of time. We will never be away from one another unless you will it.

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