Page 47 of Evening Shadows

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it the whole time. Once you confirmed what you and Beverly had talked about, she became my prime suspect.”

She opened her mouth to speak and didn’t know what to say. Although she’d never actually verbally admitted it, he’d seen right through her. She closed her eyes to the pain of what could have been. He had to know the truth.

“But Alejandro seems like a sane man, and obviously successful. Why would he do this for her?”

He shrugged and grimaced. “The only thing I can think is for a twisted love. I just don’t see how Cody fits into the equation.”

“That’s turning over in my mind too. Ken,” she hesitated, “I need to tell you something.”

The air crackled with tension at her statement. “Go ahead.”

His voice had taken on his “boss” role, and it sent shivers of dread through her veins. She didn’t know what she’d do if he blamed her or turned his back on her. They finally had a chance and she’d almost tossed it away.

“You need to know why Bev wants you dead and I—” She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t speak. How the hell would she get through this? In no way would she look good. Not that she deserved it, but she didn’t want to lose what they’d become.

Her heartbeat raced and pumped warm blood through her at a rapid pace. Fear for what he’d think gripped her. When he didn’t speak, she continued, pouring out the story, making herself hold his gaze. “You know that she blamed everyone for her husband’s death and she hasn’t let that go. She still believed you and Jesse, as the officer and NCO of the team, should’ve been brought to justice even though the incident review showed nothing of the sort. Not long ago she told me she’d had someone investigate it in depth and had proof you and Jesse were responsible.”

His jaw worked, but he continued his silence, and she backed herself to the wall, hoping it’d hold her steady.

Her heart pounded, and she nearly felt faint having to tell him what she thought. “She showed me the information, and I—” She gulped and cast her gaze down, unable to admit the truth to his face. “—I believed it.” She looked up and used her hands to emphasize her hurried admission. “I didn’t want you dead, but I admit to considering the fact you needed to pay since the army didn’t do anything.”

She paused, hoping he’d say something. When he did, her heart plummeted to her toes since it was one of the few things she wished he hadn’t asked. “Is that why you held back the shot on Jesse? Did you hope he was killed?”

Her gaze snapped up to his and met the steel that wrapped itself around his presence. How could she overcome that when she wasn’t sure of the truth? Something had flicked through her mind when that held-back shot happened, and a small—minuscule—part of her mind thought the opportunity for Jesse to pay had been at hand. Ultimately she couldn’t do it. No matter if they’d shot her husband outright, she couldn’t kill them.

She slid down the wall, pulling her knees up and resting her arms on them. “I’m not sure. Something slowed my reaction, but actually killing him—or you—wasn’t something I could even agree to. Bev wanted me to. While I considered all options, I couldn’t do any. Not only am I not a killer—bar op necessity—but, I believe in you. Lance believed in you. I never should’ve accepted a word of the report she’d sent me.”

The quiet stifled the small room. Disgust with herself riddled her body. She had to have his forgiveness, not only so they could continue on together, but so she could let go of the guilt. As much as she could.

Pulling all her courage, she looked back at him to catch his gaze on her with what she guessed as consideration or confusion. But, not hate. Not yet anyway. “I swear, Ken, I never agreed to kill you. I never agreed to any kind of payback. Yes, I considered something needed to be done, and yes, I listened to what Bev wanted. In the end, I know the kind of man you are, and that the intel had to be false. Although,” she breathed out softly, “it was too late to realize that.”

“What’d it say?” The words seemed to be painfully yanked from him.

A weary sigh slipped through her and left calm in its wake. “It said a lot that I should’ve realized was bullshit earlier. The summary is that—” She raised her brows in a way to emphasize her next point. “Know that while it held Jesse responsible since he was the team commander, it also included you as the senior enlisted. Bev couldn’t see differently. It said that you—you and/or Jesse—stayed behind the rest of a larger convoy and because you waited too late to return to base, you took an alternate route that went against the battalion commander’s orders. When you were attacked, it stated that you’d refused to call in med evac either because of safety or to cover your tracks. It took an extra hour to get out of there and the men died en route, not on scene as we’d been told. The report speculated that if you’d called in med evac, the men could’ve probably been saved in the lag time.”

Too late she realized how ridiculous it sounded. She’d allowed her emotions to rule instead of her mind. Thank God she’d wised up before she did take any revenge. “Ken, I’m—” She stopped. Ken appeared to age ten years, and it ate at her gut.

In a weak voice, he asked, “Do you still believe it?”

“I told you that I didn’t. I was a fool to even think that of you. I can’t say how sorry I am. Maybe if I’d been brave enough to ask you, we could’ve helped Bev see the truth.”

He worked his jaw again, and she knew it meant he did it to keep his temper in check. “I doubt it would’ve mattered.” He patted the seat beside him. “Come here.”

She rose to her feet, walked to the cot and tentatively sat on his noninjured side as if a bomb might be present.

He took her hand and she waited.

“It breaks my heart you’d think such a thing of me, but dammit, I still love you. No, don’t say a word. Let me finish. If the report seemed legit, I can see how you’d question everything. But God, I wish you’d come to me about it.”

Pulling her hand up, he lightly kissed it and Sam stiffened, unsure what to expect next.

“Since you started explaining, I’ve been turning over how I feel about it all. You not believing in me, not trusting me, and even considering harming me are hard to swallow. Yet, two things jumped up and grabbed the hurt I felt. One, I know how deeply you loved Lance and as a grieving widow something like that would turn you inside out and coming to me would’ve been the last thing you could do. Second, and most importantly, no matter what you’d thought, while you said you hadn’t decided whether to exact some sort of vengeance, you did decide. You decided not to harm Jesse or me in any way.”

Her voice cracked. “Will you ever forgive me?” Waiting for him to respond to her confession, her stomach lurched and her body ached with fear he’d turn her away. She only hoped her stupidity hadn’t cost her something she’d waited years for.

A life with Ken.

With her breath held, Sam searched Ken’s eyes. She needed those three words… craved them. Not the three words most women wanted to hear—what he’d already said—but the other three words.

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