Page 29 of Hollowed

“Whydo you hide from your emotions?”Hecircled around behind me, andIclosed my eyes, tilting my head toward the sky and rolling my neck.Ifelt him move to stand in front of me, andIlowered my chin to gaze at his chest.Reachingout a gloved hand, he poked a finger at my chest, tapping lightly. “Itsounds to me like the key to unlocking your powers is to give in to your emotions, not to suppress them.”

“Myemotions are a messy thing and not suitable for the public,”Isaid, my voice hollow asIrepeated the wordsIhad heard my mother repeat my entire life.Shehad ingrained those words in me.Myemotions were not for public consumption;Iwas not for public consumption.Thedisappointing, broken, unwanted child.Tearsburned in my throat.

“Letit out.”

Myeyes snapped to him again; my vision was blurry with unshed tears.Ifound myself wanting to see his face, not wanting to focus on his chest instead.

“Letit out,Katrina.Donot bury what you are feeling.Embraceit, and let it out,” he murmured, stepping closer until we were nearly touching.Hiscoat brushed against me. “Yourfire will not harm me.So, let.It.Out.”

Doingas he asked was harder thanIexpected, butIforced myself to focus on the emotionsIwas feeling, on the feeling of disgust at being cast aside by the very people who were supposed to love me unconditionally.Rageand sadness washed through my body and tore across my mind.Ireleased the tears that were burning in the back of my throat, their wetness spilling down my cheeks in rivers.Mychest ached, butIstayed focused.

Fireflickered at my fingertips, and my first instinct was to draw them back inside to smother them.Alexander’svoice sounded, butIcould not make out the words as the blood rushing to my ears was deafening.Icontinued to focus on the hurt, the pain, and the sadness.Itcrested and erupted, flames shooting from my hands and traveling up my arms.

Tearspoured down my face andIcould no longer see anything in front of me except for flames.Isqueezed my eyes closed, butIcould still feel the fire erupting from my body, burning away my dress.

“Openyour eyes,Katrina.”Hisvoice was so, so close to me.

No!Iwanted to scream.Getback!

Handswrapped around my arms, and the leather of his gloves on my bare skin startled me into opening my eyes.Flamesfully engulfed my body and horror filled me.Imust be hurting him.Icould not control this.

Myeyes widened, taking in the scene asItried to scramble away from him.Icould not risk hurting him.Itripped over my own feet and fell to the ground.Eventhough my body was in contact with the earth and should have been incinerating the grass beneath me, it remained intact and only flattened beneath my weight.

Alexanderbent down next to me, his gloved hand now resting on my back. “Breathe,Katrina.Youare safe here.Youare safe.”

Inodded, sucking in breaths asIcurled in on myself.Thishad been a foolish endeavor.Adelaidehad been right.Mymother had been right.Givingin to my emotions was more than just frowned upon to uphold a polite society.Itwasdangerous.

AsIcontinued sucking down breaths, like my life depended on it,Ifocused on the grass in front of me.Alexanderhad told me to focus on my emotions, butIcould not.Icould not focus on that right now.Thesurrounding flames faded untilIwas no longer a walking ball of fire.Iwas now just a naked girl kneeling in the grass with tears streaming down her face.

Itwas pathetic.

Iwas pathetic.

Thirteen

“Here,”Alexandermurmured, holding out a blanket he had brought from somewhere.Kneelingbeside me in the grass, he placed a hand on my back and lingered for a moment, concern radiating off him.

Ifelt even more worthless, my head hanging low and shoulders slumping in.Thispowerful being—this protector—was worried about me.Andhe should not have been.Ididn’t accept the blanket, flinching away from it, and instead wrapped my arms tighter around myself.Ididn’t deserve the kindness or the warmth it would bring.

Hehesitated, then lowered the blanket, kneeling on the ground next to me. “Whathappened,Katrina?”

“Itwas too much,”Iwhispered, shifting to hide my nakedness.AnotherdressIhad ruined.Anotherfailure.

Ragebubbled within me faster thanIcould stop it.Aroiling cauldron building and building before finally spilling over.Itipped my head back and screamed at the sky.Iscreamed until my throat burned, cursing the gods that made me this way.

Why?Why?WHY?

WhydidIhave to be a constant failure?Aworthless pit of nothingness.

Myscreams turned to sobs.IhatedAlexanderfor suggesting this.Myemotions were dangerous and had no place being acknowledged.Wavesand waves of emotion after emotion washed through me, andIfailed to recognize the sounds coming from my mouth.Slowly, the sobs subsided, butIcould still hear myself panting for breath, shaky and brittle.Theflames slowly eased, finally extinguishing, asIsat shivering in the cold.

IheardAlexandertalking to me, his voice soft, butIcould not make out the words.Fabrictouched my body and a soft blanket draped over my shoulders.Ishoved it off, wiping at my eyes.Idid not need his sympathy or his concern.Wrappingmy arms around myself,Itried to take deep breaths to slow my racing heart.Aroundme, the world popped, the veil of purple spirit magic fading as the sounds of the forest returned.

“Katrina, you are all right.Ihave you.Nothingwill hurt you here.”Hewrapped the blanket back around my body once more, moving around to kneel in front of me.Hetook my hands in his with no hesitation, no regard for the fact they were still smoldering. “Katrina, look at me.”

Reluctantto see the pity, or even worse, the disappointment, in his face,Ikept my gaze on my lap, toying with the edges of the blanket he had wrapped around me asIcontinued working to slow my breathing.

Anungloved finger tucked under my chin, lifting my face.Isqueezed my eyes shut as a stray tear escaped, carving its path down my cheek.Hisfinger moved from my chin to wipe the tear away in a careful touch.Itwas gentle and unexpected, and somethingIdid not deserve.

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