Page 69 of Mine for a Moment

My heart wrenches as I reach for my phone and scroll through the same photos on social media that have been torturing me for days now—photos of her with Theo, at the same crepe place I took her to in Paris. She’s creating new memories with him to replace ours, and it’s fucking killing me to sit here so helplessly as she builds a future that doesn’t include me.

I can’t help but wonder whether it was a coincidence that he met her in Paris less than a week after I saw her so unexpectedly over video. Did she misunderstand what she heard? Did I push her into his arms with my careless words?

I know for a fact that Theo is only with her for a few days, since he only asked for leave until Monday, but a lot could happen in that time. I inhale shakily and lie back on the floor, my eyes trained on the ceiling. I try my best to control my thoughts, but they insist on torturing me with images of her dancing in the rain with him, of him pulling her closer, their eyes locking the way ours used to just before he dips his head and takes what’s mine.

He’ll discover things that only I knew—the way she likes to be kissed, and every part of her body that’s sensitive, right down to that small patch on her inner thigh that I love to mark with little love bites. He’ll find out how fucking magnificent she is when he lays her downin bed, her gorgeous bare skin complemented by the light sheets as her wild hair surrounds her like a dark fucking halo.

He’ll hold her in his arms and experience the pure peace only she can bring and the way the warmth of her body just seeps into your heart too, making you feel like you’re on top of the world. Someday, I’ll see them together, and he’ll hold her hand and kiss her knuckles like I used to, and she’ll grin at him, her eyes twinkling like they used to for me. I’ll stand there and pretend it doesn’t fucking destroy me to watch her love someone that isn’t me, and she’ll look at me like I’m nothing but her brother’s best friend, like everything we had was just a passing memory, a fling not worth mentioning.

I draw a shaky breath when my phone begins to ring, snapping me out of my downward spiral. I sigh as I stare at Tyra’s name, my eyes falling closed as I pick up.

“Arch?” she says, her voice filled with clear worry. “Ezra and I were just wondering where you are. He came over for dinner, but he needs to leave soon.”

“I’m still at work,” I lie, my voice hoarse. “I’ll be home soon, okay?”

I hear some shuffling and the slamming of a door, followed by Ezra’s voice. “I know you’re not at work,” he says, his voice hushed. “Where are you, Archer? Where the fuck have you been disappearing to lately?”

I sigh as I sit up and look around at the countless paintings surrounding me, fragments of happier times. I just know that ten years from now, I’ll still walk in here when I need a reminder of what it was like to be happy. Serenity isn’t someone I’ll ever forget.

“Nowhere,” I tell him. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be home soon.”

I sigh as I end the call and jump to my feet, forcing myself back into the role I’m expected to play. I’ve never felt so conflicted before. I genuinely want to be there for Tyra, and I’m trying my best to be agood friend to her, but it’s killing me inside to know I can’t give her what she wants, and in turn, I can’t have what I want. I’ve tried to tell her that there’s someone multiple times now, but every time I try, she changes the subject, almost like deep down sheknows, but she doesn’t want to hear it. Every attempt to tell her that things between us will never go back to what they were results in a panic attack, and it hurts to see her that way.

What is the right thing to do? I can’t do or say anything that’ll harm her, but I also can’t give her false hope. I run a hand through my hair and sigh, my heart aching. I know she’s trying her best, and she’s come so far in a matter of weeks, but will she ever get to a point where she can handle the knowledge that she can’t ever regain what she lost?

Fifty-Nine

Archer

I sigh as I lift my towel to my hair absent-mindedly, feeling entirely numb. Each day seems worse than the last, and I’m just not sure I know how to be happy without Serenity. I don’t think I ever really was before her. I never felt as alive as I did with her, and now that she’s gone, I’m once again just going through the same old motions, day in and day out.

I startle when my bedroom door opens and turn to find Tyra walking in. “Sorry. I should’ve knocked,” she says, her gaze roaming over my half-naked body. She pauses halfway through as her eyes zero in on the tattoo on my chest.

“It’s fine,” I tell her, forcing a smile. It took a couple of weeks, but I was eventually able to move back into my own bedroom while she stayed in my guest room. I still wake up and join her at night when she needs me, but she’s starting to stand on her own two feet now. She never even questioned it when I started to move to my own bed once she’d fallen asleep, and I’m glad she hasn’t. I’m not sure what I’d say, how I’d even begin to explain.

Tyra pauses in front of me, her eyes roaming over the painting I had tattooed on my chest, reminding me of one of the best days of my life every time I look into the mirror. It’s the same scene Serenity once painted on me—the sun setting over a field filled with red tulips.

Tyra raises her hand, and I flinch when she grazes my chest with the tips of her fingers. “It’s beautiful,” she whispers. “How long have you had it?”

I step back and reach for one my shirts, my heart heavy. “A couple of weeks.”

She nods slowly and stands back as I get dressed, her expression conflicted. “You’re in love with someone else, aren’t you?”

I freeze, my gaze cutting to hers. Her voice no longer trembles when she speaks, and she’s able to hold my gaze for longer than she used to, but she’s still fragile. Nightmares still torment her, and she still has several panic attacks every day, not to mention her near inability to leave the house.

“Arch,” she says, her voice soft. “You haven’t touched me in any way that could be deemed anything but appropriate, and you distance yourself from me every chance you get. You may not have said it, but your body language did. I thought that if I ignored it, maybe it’d go away and with time you’d warm up to me…but then you started sleeping in your own bed again and I knew I didn’t stand a chance.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, unable to refute her words. “I can’t be with you that way, Tyra. But I’ll be there for you as best as I can, for as long as you need me. You’ll always be important to me, Ty, but I…I can’t be more than a friend to you.”

“Who is she?” she asks, her voice breaking. Tears start to gather in her eyes, and I look down, my chest aching. The thought of me loving someone else clearly hurts her, but the pain she feels now would be nothing compared to what it’d do to her to find out it’s Serenity. I’vewatched the two of them grow closer, and I know Tyra wouldn’t be able to take it.

“It doesn’t matter, Ty. The woman I’m in love with is someone I can’t ever have, but even so, I don’t want to be with anyone else, not ever again. She is it for me. I’ve…I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”

She looks up, a lone tear running down her cheek. “Does she give you what I never could? Does she make you laugh, Arch? Does she make you happy?”

I look into her eyes, forcing myself to face her. “She did,” I whisper, pure longing threatening to overwhelm me.

She looks at me with that same expression Serenity had on her face when she ended things with me, heartbreak mixed with resignation. “I’ve tried so hard to exist in this safe little bubble you created for me, never realizing that you were suffocating in it. Or maybe I did realize, and I just didn’t want to acknowledge it for fear of what it’d mean, but that’s not the kind of person I want to be, Arch.”

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