Page 64 of Mutant Mine

He stands up when I come in.

“Little bird. You could not sleep,” Roth says, walking towards me. “You have been worried?”

“You could say that,” I say.

“Talk to me about your worries. Perhaps I can help you.”

“Okay,” I say, taking a deep breath.

I know that if I ask this, I’ll be breaking the fragile thing between us irrevocably. Can’t I just live forever in this moment? The moment before I ruin it all — where Roth is still staring at me with so much affection, and reaching out to comfort me?

“I went to the flight deck,” I say.

He nods, encouragingly. He knew that already.

“I asked the computer to show me our flight path.”

The first flicker of uncertainty crosses Roth’s face.

“Would you like to tell me why we’re flying in fucking circles?”

It comes out way more accusatory than I want it to. I want to show that I trust him, and am open to his answer. Instead, the question lashes out of my mouth like a whip.

Roth — for the first time in all the difficult days that I’veknown him — stumbles on his words.

“Rory, I… It is not—”

God, it hurts me to see him faltering, not knowing what he can and can’t say. He’s tripping over his own secrets, tangled up in some web of lies. It’s agonizing to watch.

“Please don’t fumble around trying to think of a lie to tell me,” I interrupt. “Just tell me the truth.”

Beneath his horns, his terrible brows draw down into a frown.

“Icannottell you the truth, otherwise I would have done so already. You are asking questions about things you do not understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand. That’s why I was hoping you could explain. Because it looks to me like we’re just looping around in empty space, using up our resources, and waiting to die.”

“No!” Roth says sharply. “Rory, no. I would never do anything to endanger your life. Never.”

Caught up in the passion of speaking, he has risen to his feet — rearing up to his full height, and towering over me. Instinctively, I take a step backwards, away from him. Roth notices, and looks anguished. He sinks back down onto the bed.

“Can you not just trust me?” he asks.

“Trustwhat?”

Roth breathes in and out. He closes his eyes, and I can see him choosing his words carefully.

“There are things I cannot tell you, for your own safety. But trust me when I tell you… that Iamwaiting. Yes. You are right about that, Rory. I am waiting for something in this specific area. Either the thing that I am waiting for will happen, or it won’t. But either way, we will be safe.Youwill be safe.”

“Would you listen to yourself, Roth?” I plead. “You’re talking in riddles! How am I supposed to trust you if you won’t really talk to me?”

“You do not trust me because you have never learned to trust,” he snaps. “Perhaps you are too used to people failing you, so now you have come to expect it.”

Wow. That hurts.

“So my shitty childhood defines who I am forever?”

He immediately looks contrite.

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