Page 51 of Attraction & Repulsion

Carson’s son tugged on her hand, pulling her closer to the park. Mirroring his excitement, she picked up her pace. All week he had been begging her to go. The sandy curls on his head sprung as he skipped in front of her and Luke, giggling with anticipation.

The playground was just across the street, its swings and slide urging them forward. Unable to wait any longer, her son dashed toward the equipment.

“Wait!” Carson called out to him. “Look out for traffic.”

Then she turned to Luke to roll her eyes, but Luke wasn’t looking at her or their son. His eyes had glazed over, dark clouds reflecting off his pupils.

“Mommy?”

Carson turned. Her son was standing in the middle of the road. When she tried to yell, her voice caught in her throat. She couldn’t speak. Looking back at Luke for help, he had disappeared. Whipping her head around, she found both of them staring at her from the road.

Then it was there. The cherry-red semi-truck. It barreled down the street toward Luke and their son. Carson tried to cry out, but her warnings never made it out of her mouth, her lips having been glued shut. Her feet were fused to the asphalt. Tugging. Tugging. Tugging. Her legs wouldn’t move.

The truck approached at full speed, its horn blaring, getting louder andlouder until it was right behind them, inches from their bodies—

Gasping for breath, Carson bolted upright from her bed, disturbing her dark, silent room.

I can’t breathe.I can’t breathe.

She stumbled out of her bedroom and into her bathroom, tripped over to the window, and wrenched it open. The fall air stung her face.

I still can’t breathe.

She slammed her fists against the screen until it crumpled out of the frame. Only when Carson stuck her head into the dark night did she finally suck in a cold breath. Hanging out the window, she let the breeze cool the hot blood pumping throughout her body until she could finally collapse to the tile floor.

Pain pierced her chest as her heart shredded inside. Anguish swirled around her, its cold hands caressing her body. Willing the awful nightmare of her husband and son to vanish, Carson squeezed her eyes so hard that white spots appeared.

Make it stop.Make it stop.

Ripping open a drawer, she rummaged for anything sharp enough, flinging the contents onto the floor. Nothing. She moved to the next drawer and the next and the next. The blade was comforting in her hand once she found it. She pressed it to her skin several times, anticipating the soothing pain of the puncture.

Shivering and encircled in the mess she had created searching for the razor blade, Carson lay curled in the middle of the bathroom floor. Somewherea door slammed shut followed by hurried footsteps down the hall.

“Carson?”

That voice sounded familiar. It was warm to her ears.

“Carson,” the voice repeated, sounding just like Jax. How was he here?

Then he must have spotted the disassembled shaving razors next to her, because she heard him kick something from out of her reach and kneel down beside her. A hand touched her arm.

“You’re freezing.”

Too weak from the battle raging inside her, Carson didn’t respond. She kept her eyes shut, afraid that if she opened them, she would see Luke’s dead face and not Jax.

There was a shuffle. A window slammed loudly. The water knob squeaked as Jax turned on the bath. He scooped her up into his arms and carefully set her in the tub. Pulling her knees to her chest, Carson rested her heavy head on them. The warm water made her feet prickle.

Brushing the hair out of her face, Jax stroked the top of her head. After a moment, she felt him lift her shirt. Then he grabbed an arm, turning it over, and did the same to her other arm. He was searching for new cuts.

“I didn’t do it.” Her voice was muffled between her legs.

“What?”

She cleared her throat though it didn’t do any good. “I didn’t do it.”

Over the rush of the running water, she could hear his sigh of relief. Jax must have been satisfied with how full the tub was, because he turned off the water. They sat in silence while he stroked the top of her hair, calming her, making her feel safe.

“Are you ready to get out?” he asked after a few minutes.

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