Page 27 of Attraction & Repulsion

The reality of what had happened solidified, making Carson feel as though she’d been punched in the stomach, and her body sagged in herchair. Jax was calling to ask her to dinner, but she was focusing on her filthy habit instead.

“Yes, dinner,” she said, hoping it appeared that she was listening the first time he said it.

“Yes, you’ll have dinner with me tonight?” he repeated.

“No. I meant I understood.”

“So, no to dinner?”

Carson smacked a palm on her forehead and let it slide down her face, not caring if it smeared her mascara. Jax was going to think she was dumb by the time their conversation ended.

“I mean I can’t do dinner. I have plans.”

“I see,” he said slowly. “Maybe another time?”

The tingling returned. Something about being asked out on a date made her body buzz with energy. She recalled when Will wanted to go on a date with her. She had cringed then. Now, Jax asking, a smile grew on her face.

But the anticipation was quickly extinguished when she spotted something next to her heel. In her frenzy to answer the phone and stop the bleeding, the blade had fallen to the floor. As she watched, the red dots of her blood grew into a puddle, and the blade morphed into Luke, lying in a pool of his own blood.

She remembered that she shouldn’t be happy.

“Maybe,” she said.

They hung up, and Carson continued to glower down at the sleek, shiny steel. Then she stomped her foot on it, over and over. She wanted to stomp out her self-harm. Stomp out Luke’s dead face. Stomp out the absolute shitshow of her life. This was the reason she’d been denied the promotion.

“Leave me alone!” she cried.

Defiantly, she scooped up the knife, chucked it into the trash, andmarched the trash bag to the dumpster behind the office building. Satisfied, she wiped her hands together and went straight back to her office.

It wasn’t a lie when she told Jax she had plans. She’d had a date with a kitchen knife. But not anymore. She had set a goal to gain freedom, and she was going to fight for it.

Jax answered on the first ring. “Hello?”

“Jax.”

“Carson?”

“My plans fell through. Still want to have dinner tonight?”

As Carson walked up the ramp that led to Barry’s Burgers and Shakes, she spotted Jax already sitting at a table in the middle of the dining area.

Earlier that day, on the phone, he had suggested they dine at a The Lakehouse which had cozy, quiet booths, dim lighting, and a seductive color palette. Something upscale and intimate. She wasn’t ready for intimate. Instead, she had proposed a more casual eatery with bright blues and whites. Barry’s Burgers and Shakes’ dining room was basically a large, enclosed porch; open and very public.

When Jax caught sight of Carson, he immediately stood. Blood pulsed throughout her body, making the cut on her arm throb. Except she didn’t mind the pain; it gave her satisfaction, which was disturbing. Self-inflicted pain shouldn’t please her the way it did, but in reality, it pacified and soothed her aching heart. The contradiction of it all gave her a headache.

Jax’s hair was damp, the ends flipping this way and that way. Looking suave, he certainly didn’t belong in a place that served fish sticks. As shereached the table, Carson was enveloped by the scents of soap, spices, and the invariably present dust. How was it a man could smell just like his truck?

He didn’t offer her a hug, or a handshake, but he did step around the table and pull the chair out for her.

“Mr. Hoover.”

“Jax.”

It had been one day since they had seen each other. One day since they’d raced dirt bikes across the Arizona desert. One day since they’d kissed.

All of Carson’s earlier bravado wavered. Jax probably thought she was crazy. First, she’d rejected his kiss, then kissed him not an hour later. When he’d asked her out, she’d said no. And within minutes, she’d called him back. No. Yes. Maybe. Never. Yes. No. Yes. She was going to give him whiplash.

He was clearly aware of her behavior. His cheek was twitching. Well, it was more like his lips were undecided if they wanted to smile or stay the way they were. Amused. That’s what he was.

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