Page 69 of Attraction & Repulsion

“Of course I want—wantedchildren,” Jax finally groaned. “I’ve wanted a lot of things in my life that I haven’t gotten. But what I really want is you. A life with you. Even if that future doesn’t involve children.”

That statement should have filled Carson with joy. Instead, his words festered and turned rotten. Just as she had expected, he hadn’t even hesitated. He should have been pulling back, confused and unsure. He should have been telling her that he needed time to think about it.

Maybe Jax could accept not having any children of his own. But that was a decision he couldn’t make on the spot. And Carson wasn’t going to stand in the way.

Chapter twenty-three

Like a rattlesnake about to strike, Carson eyed Jax’s every movement as he hefted their luggage from the back of his truck and onto his driveway, having flown back home that morning. The frigid Prescott air bit at her skin, as if warning her against what she was about to do.

It wasn’t until Jax was on the steps of his front porch did he realize Carson wasn’t following him. She stood next to her truck which she had left at his house before leaving for Texas. Slowly, he set his suitcase down and took a step toward her. It was his first sign of distress. His natural prey instinct was kicking in, Carson knew.

Steadying her body, she curled her arms around herself. Coiling.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she stammered. How was she supposed to be convincing when she was shaking so hard? “I mean, I can’t keep doing this to you.” It was a lame first strike. She planted her feet and tried again. “It’s over between us.”

Incredulously, Jax’s mouth twitched as though she were joking, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. There were no shadows for him to wield this time, but his stature was daunting enough.

“Are you trying to break up with me?” he asked.

Carson nodded, giving her cheek a few bites.

“Is this about last night?”

“Yes. And every night since we met. I can’t let you keep sacrificing for me.”

Exasperated, Jax threw up his hands and dropped them back down. The smack off his palms against his jeans was like a shotgun blast. “I told you I accepted it. I told you I would rather have you.” His voice was sharp, like a sword trying to cut the head off a snake.

“But I don’t accept that for you,” she said.

Marching across the gravel driveway, Jax placed his hands on Carson’s shoulders. Could he tell how much she was trembling?

“Do you really think this is the answer?” he asked. “Breaking up with me because you can’t have children? Because that’s bullshit.”

“Thisisthe answer. I need to let you go so you can decide between me or the life you wanted.”

His hands dropped from her shoulders. Strike.

“Is that what you think? A life without you is a life I want?”

Setting her jaw, Carson lifted her chin. “It’s what I know.”

“So, that’s it? We’re finished because of a decision you made for me? After everything we’ve been through, you’re done. Just like that.” Jax’s voice was husky, starting to break. Carson’s prey was giving up the fight.

“It’s over.”

“What if I don’t accept your decision?” he spat, a little more fight left in him. She couldn’t tell if the steam coming from his mouth was from anger or from the frosty air.

“You’re going to have to, because we are done,” Carson snapped back.

Eyes blazing, Jax glared down at her, lips pressed so thin. She wished his eyes would warm her like they used to. Now they only made her shiver. Was he finally realizing she was being serious? That he wasn’t going to convince her otherwise? A puff of clouds roamed over the sun, darkeninghis features.

Then the lines on his forehead smoothed and the clouds were gone. “I wanted to marry you,” he whispered.

She wilted at his words, wanting to shrivel up and be buried underneath the ground where she stood. “Don’t tell me that.”

“Why?” he snarled. “Because it makes you feel bad? What about me? Huh, Carson? What aboutmyfeelings? Don’t I get a say in this?”

“That’s exactly my point!” she yelled back. “Your feelings are blinding you from what I’m taking from you. I don’t want to be another Kristen.” Another strike, causing his nostrils to flare, steam pouring from them. “You can’t look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want children because that would be a lie,” she continued. “You would be lying to yourself and lying to me.”

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