Page 47 of Attraction & Repulsion

It was difficult to open her eyes because her head was so heavy, as if all the strength had been sucked out of her as she slept. Carson didn’t know when she’d eventually fallen asleep. After Jax had discovered the lines all over her body, he’d sat her on the couch, wrapped her in a blanket, and placed a plate of cookies in her lap. Together, they’d eaten their sweets and watchedBeetlejuice. That was all she could remember.

Finally, her eyelids fluttered open. The ceiling fan’s monotonous, rotating blades filled her vision. She was in her room. Her fingers crept along her bedding. Empty.

It took every muscle she had to sit up, patting down the lumps of her comforter and frowning. Where was Jax? Her heart, which was already at the bottom of her ribcage, sank into her stomach. Did he leave?

Tiptoeing down the hall to the living room, Carson’s footsteps were as quiet as a desert mouse. A human-shape lump was sprawled out on her couch, which was much longer than what the sofa had to offer. Her favorite fuzzy blanket was trying its best to cover Jax’s huge frame. Though there was no pillow to cushion his head, and he was still wearing the clothes from the day before, and his feet hung over the end of the armrest, he looked peaceful. Carson wondered if Jax’s firefighter experience had taught him to sleep under any condition.

Pivoting on her foot, she stalked back to her bathroom. Judging by the early morning sunlight streaming through the windows, she had enough time to shower before work—to wash away the shame of the night before.

No reflection looked back at her as she brushed her teeth, the steam having fogged up the mirror. Good. She didn’t need a reminder of her dream. As she stripped off her shirt, Carson noted the bandage that continued to hug her arm, reminding her of Jax’s tender touches.

She let out a frustrated sigh. What had she done?

There was a light knock on the door. Scooping up her shirt, Carson slipped it on before opening it.

Jax took a step back, as though he hadn’t expected it to open so quickly. “I didn’t know you were . . .” His eyes flicked to the running water behind her and back again. “I wanted to make sure you were doing alright.”

The memory of his patience and understanding the night before solidified. Carson nuzzled up to him, wanting to feel it all again. Gladly he took her into his arms.

“I’m fine,” she breathed into his chest. And she was. Having her secret exposed gave her a glimmer of hope. Now that Jax knew, all those possibilities she had refused to dream about before filled her mind. They made her stomach tingle with excitement. Could she start this new life with him?Could they have a future together?

Then she realized something that had been forming in her very soul, from the very moment they met, waiting for the right moment to appear.

Carson pulled away to look into Jax’s face.

“I love you, Jax Miller.”

His eyes caught fire, and once again Carson was engulfed in his flames. “I love you too, Carson West.”

Then Jax gripped her face and kissed her.Hard. She wound her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to his body. Before she knew it, she was sitting on the bathroom sink, knocking over the soap dispenser and perfumes. It didn’t matter, because she was too busy thinking about the way her body was pinned between the mirror and his lips, which were greedy against hers.

Something was different in the way he was kissing her, as if every kiss before this moment had been on her terms. Now it was Jax’s turn. He was in control, and he was hungry. He leaned on the foggy mirror, leaving a handprint, as his other hand slid up her thigh and crept under her shirt, higher and higher.

Instinct screamed at Carson to recoil from his touch. Her marred skin was forbidden territory. Only this time, she allowed his fingers to trespass.

As Jax’s kisses migrated down her neck, she panted for air, working her own fingers into his long locks. Then he was back at her mouth, which gave her the opportunity to take his bottom lip between her teeth and bite it.

Jax snarled and scooped her up, marching them out of the bathroom, shower forgotten. They fell onto her unkempt bed. The motion made her arm sting. Carson ignored it, because her body yearned for him, her skin burning where he touched her.

She needed more.

In one smooth motion they rolled until she was on top, straddling his hips. She quickly unbuttoned his pants before he sat up and ripped his shirt off, the fabric landing somewhere on the carpet.

A wave of vulnerability washed over her, causing her to hesitate before pulling off her own shirt. This was it. Her hideousness was completely out in the open. Once her shirt was removed, the air felt cold against her bare skin, puckering the scars.

Jax’s eyes raked over her. Then he took her arm, the one without the bandage, and began kissing the scars all the way up until he reached her shoulder. Little by little, Carson’s insecurity vanished every time his lips touched a line. Then he snaked his arms around her, sliding his coarse hands against her bumpy skin until his fingers were laced in her hair.

Without warning, he clutched a handful of it and yanked her head back. Carson let out a gasp. With more of her neck exposed, Jax’s lips trailed down her sternum and back up. Gently, his lower lip glided across hercollarbone.

“I love you,” Jax whispered, causing the hair on her neck to rise. “I love you,” he repeated over and over with a kiss at the end of each one. He spoke those three words as if he had been holding them back this whole time. Eventually, his mouth found hers again.

Carson was late to work.

Chapter sixteen

“Iunderstand this is your first time seeking counseling.”

Carson’s leg stopped bouncing, though she continued to fiddle with her keys, pressing the tips of her fingers into the grooves, leaving impressions. Nerves had cut off her vocal cords, so she nodded. When presenting in the courtroom in front of a judge or jury, she was fearless. But sitting in a private room with someone whose sole job is to listen and help? Terrifying.

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