Page 59 of The Sorrow of Shadows

“Liar.” He pushes off the wall and quickly strides across the room toward me.

“I’m not lying. You’d know if I was.” In my best attempt to ignore him, I inspect the nails of my right hand and refuse to meet his stare.

“That’s the problem, Breyla. I can tell you aren’t lying to me. But you are lying to yourself. You believe the reason you gave me for not training here, but that’s not the real reason you refuse to step foot in this room.”

“Excuse me?”

“You haven’t stepped foot in here since before your father’s death. Don’t play me for a fool, Princess. This specific training room was the one your father and Commander Nolan trained you in. Only this one. I know because they trained me here, too. The real reason you haven’t come here is because this room reminds you of what you lost—whoyou lost.”

My jaw drops, but I can’t find the words fighting to get out. My tongue feels like lead in my mouth.

Aurelius steps right up to me, leaving no space between us, and tilts my chin up so I’m looking him in the eyes. I could swear the red in his brown irises is dancing, brighter than normal, almost like live embers lived in his eyes.

“You’ve lost so much in so little time. You literally received your second’s head in a box yesterday?—”

“What. Is. Your. Fucking. Point.” I grit the words out, my teeth clenched so hard I might crack a tooth. Did he just bring me here to rub in everything I had lost?

“My point, Princess.” He leans closer to my face and tightens his grip on my chin. In any other situation this position would be erotic, but I’m just pissed. “Is that you should be grieving, but I found you planning a fucking ball instead.”

“How I choose to grieve is none of your business, Aurelius,” I seethe.

“That’s the problem, Breyla. Itismy problem, because you aren’t fucking grieving at all. You’re ignoring, and avoiding, and shoving your feelings down to deal with another day. You push people you care about away, because you fear the pain of losing someone else. You’ve barely spoken to your mother since you arrived, and when you do it’s sarcastic, rude, and surface level.Did you ever once stop to think she was feeling the same pain you were?”

“How dare you—” I start, but I’m cut off before I can continue.

“No, Princess. How dareyou.” He’s glaring at me now. “How dare you refuse to face anything remotely real, refuse to fucking feel your completely normal emotions, and think of only yourself. Everyone else around you is grieving, yet you won’t let anyone in when they need you as much as you need them. I get that being General, being surrounded by death on the battlefield, requires you to compartmentalize your emotions so you can effectively lead. But you can’t do that here. You have to feel, Breyla.” His voice has softened a fraction by the end of his rant.

Hot tears line my eyes and fight to break free. I try to turn my head away so he can’t see me. Vulnerability is not my strong suit, and I refuse to look weak in front of anyone.

“No, Princess. Stop fighting it. Look at me and let it all go.”

“You want me to let it all go?” I whisper.

“Yes. I need you to let it out.”

“It’s your fault,” I spit at him.

To his credit, he doesn’t even flinch. “Come again?”

“It’s your fucking fault. Julian’s death is on you, Aurelius.” Shadows start seeping out my fingertips, but I don’t care about my lack of control right now. The fury building in my veins has my blood boiling.

His head tilts to the side slightly as if he is thinking before he speaks. “You need someone to blame? Fine. Blame me. You need someone to rage at? You’ve got it. I’m right here, I can take whatever you throw at me.”

“Julian wouldn’t have even been here if you hadn’t gone behind my back to bring him to the palace. There was no reason for him to be here. Now he’s gone because ofyou.” My voice rises the more I talk. The shadows have now begun flowing from every part of me, slowly filling the training room with darkness.

Aurelius releases my chin and steps back from me, throwing his arms open wide. “Come on, Princess. You can do better than that. I wasn’t the one who sent him on a scouting mission alone with so many unknown factors. No, that was all you.” His truthful words hurt more than I want to admit.

I let out a frustrated and desperate growl before throwing my shadows at him, letting them wrap around his arms and render him immobile. Before I know what I’m doing, my hand is around his throat. The room is growing even darker, but all I see is red.

“Bodies didn’t start dropping until you showed up to court, Aurelius. Why is that?” I whisper in his ear as I apply more pressure. The feeling of his racing pulse under my thumb is intoxicating. I squeeze harder, but he doesn’t flinch.

“Try again. The first death—your father’s death—was before me. Nobody else died untilyouarrived.” I could tell he was starting to struggle for breath, but I was having a hard time caring. He had wanted me to feel, and this was me feeling.

I scream, my rage boiling over, and drop my hand from his throat. “Why?” I half sob, half demand. “Why are you here? Why do people want you dead, Aurelius?” I’m grasping at straws now.

“I’ve told you before, I’m here to protect your mother and you. I don’t know why they’re coming for me, but that’s not really what you’re asking.” He is remarkably calm for just being nearly strangled.

I feel the small cracks in my chest widening, ripping themselves apart. My knees hit the floor as I scream again, my fury turning to sorrow. A wave of darkness explodes out of me, shadows covering every inch of the training room as every emotion I’ve kept bottled away comes to the surface.

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