Page 35 of The Sorrow of Shadows

I clear my throat, waiting for the last few voices to die down before I begin my eulogy. “Thank you all for joining us today to send Commander Nolan on to the next life,” I start, feeling awkward. Elijah squeezes my hand reassuringly and I squeeze back. “Nolan was more than just a commander, though. He was an essential part of the lives of everyone in this kingdom. He trained me and just about every other soldier and guard here. He loved his two babies more than anything, but he was also a father well before they were even born.” I glance at his wife and see a small smile on her lips as she nods in agreement.

“He was a teacher, a protector, a confidant, a friend, and so much more. Words truly cannot convey what he meant to me and many others here. This kingdom owes him many debts. If I can one day be half the warrior, teacher, and friend he was, I will consider that a success.” I pause to take a breath. By this point there are not many dry eyes left. “This world will not be the same without you.” My throat tightens as my eyes fill with tears. I raise my voice and speak with a confidence I do not feel. “From your first breath until your very last, may the gods grant you peace.” Everyone around me chants back the traditional Rimorian tiding.

I take a step back and nod to my mother. She calls forth her element of fire, and a bold flame dances in her palm. Six of my guards step forward, holding unlit torches. One by one she sends her flame to each. Once all six are lit, the guards step to the pyre and touch them to the wood holding Nolan’s body. It takes only moments for the fire to climb and envelop Nolan’s body. Then, I hear River let out a wail that turns into an ancient Rimorian death hymn. The language is long forgotten, except for the translation of this one song.

May the mother keep you close

And the father protect you now

The tears that once were shed

Make the flowers grow

When the night is darkest

And the sun has ceased its shining

May you remember

My love for you is eternal

From your first breath

Until your very last

May the gods grant you peace

River finishes the first round, and as she begins again morevoices join. By the end of the third round, every voice can be heard. The medley of voices sends goosebumps down my spine until everything eventually quiets.

As the crowd dissipates, leaving only Nolan’s family, my own, and Elijah, I make my way to River. Finding words now is harder than giving the eulogy. “River, I just want you to know that I’ve arranged for Nolan’s salary to continue going to your account indefinitely. When I said this kingdom owes him a debt, I truly meant it. I can never repay him, but I can make sure you and your kids want for nothing. I’ve also arranged for an inheritance to be set up for each child to do with as they please once they come of age. If there is ever anything you need, do not hesitate to come straight to me.”

“Thank you,” is all the teary-eyed widow can manage. I turn to leave when I feel a soft hand grasp my wrist. “Nolan was an excellent father to Briar and Phillip, but you should know that he always considered you a daughter. In many ways, you were his child first. He loved you and was so incredibly proud of you. His bloodline may live on through our children, but his legacy lives on through you.”

The tears well up in my eyes as she turns to go, her somber children in hand. I lose the fight and feel the tears dance down my cheek. A warm, muscled arm wraps around my midsection and pulls me back. I’m greeted by the firm chest and rich spiced cocoa scent that is uniquely Elijah. I turn in his arms, burying my face in his neck. His dark, long golden waves are down today, so my tears are easily hidden. My arms wrap around to his back, my fingers clutching at his tunic. His grip tightens, giving me the security I crave to feel weak for a moment. Elijah weaves his fingers into my hair, softly playing with it in the way he knows soothes me. He grounds me. Like an anchor keeping a ship at bay, he keeps me from drifting off into the sorrow that threatens to drown me.

I don’t know how long we stand there before I feel eyes onus. I pull back, and Elijah kisses me softly on the forehead before releasing me. It doesn’t take long for me to find that the eyes I felt belong to Aurelius. He looks concerned, but also...something else.Is that jealousy?I shake that thought off because he has no room to feel that way. The crimson in his irises seem more prominent as they burn into me. He doesn’t move, so I break eye contact and move toward my mother.

Most of the crowd has thinned by the time I reach her side. “You spoke eloquently, my dear. I know your father would be proud.” I know it’s meant as praise, but it feels like a punch in the gut.

“There’s something I wish to discuss with you, mother,” I say, changing the subject to save myself.

“Drink up, assholes!” I shout as the coin I just bounced off the table lands in the goblet in the center of the table. I have many talents, and drinking games—specifically Remis and Goblets—are near the top of that list. We’re several hours into the celebration soldiers have to honor the dead. Where the formal funeral rites are a somber event, the soldiers always honor the fallen in a way that celebrates life. Mostly we drink and revel and get up to all manner of trouble. Several guards bet me I couldn’t make the coin in the cup ten times in a row. Honestly, it’s insulting. I excel at drinking games—it’s like they don’t know me at all.

I hear a few grumbles, but mostly laughs as they all drink when I make the tenth cup. I stopped counting my drinks somewhere in the third bottle of wine. That was about two hours ago, but I honestly couldn’t care. I would feel the hangover tomorrow, but tonight I would drown everything out. If I were lucky,maybe I could find someone to drown in. It wouldn’t be anyone here; sleeping with the guards or my soldiers was not an option.

“Tell us another story about Commander Nolan, General,” Jade prods. She’s probably heard them all, but telling stories is how we keep the memory of the deceased alive. Ryder and Zion sit on the other side of her, Ryder’s hand trailing up and down Jade’s curves as she leans back into him. The bonfire burns bright, reaching at least ten feet into the air. I sit down on a bench across from Jade and adjacent to the flames. Elijah is already sitting when I lean back into him to start my story.

“Have I told you about when he caught me with one of my father’s men?” I grin at her.

Elijah chuckles behind me, and Jade quirks an eyebrow at me. The other males and a few females gather around me to hear the story.

“I was sixteen, and at sixteen I was a...typical sixteen-year-old, let’s say.”

“She means horny,” Elijah interrupts with a mischievous grin on his face. I elbow him in the side to shut him up, but he continues, “Honestly, I think she was hornier than I was. Unbearable at times.”

I glare at him, “Are you telling this story, or am I?” He’s still wearing that shit-eating grin but doesn’t say anything else.

“Anyway, I was sixteen, horny all the time, but also training with my father’s men daily. Not a good combination if you ask me.” More people are gathering as I continue, “I hadn’t hit my full height and certainly not my full strength by this point, so my father and Nolan had me training with the newest recruits. They were boys, a lot of them orphans. They were all gangly, awkward, and had no clue what they were doing on the battlefield let alone the bedroom. But I managed to find one with pretty eyes that showed promise with a sword. At sixteen, what more could a girl ask for?” This elicits a laugh from them all.

---