Page 55 of We Three Kings

‘But your house is like Piccadilly Circus at the moment,’ I tell them. ‘All those relatives coming back and forth?’

‘It’s what my mum does, she doesn’t like to see people left out. She likes a busy house. Did you meet Uncle Wesley in the end?’ Jasper asks me.

‘Yes. I also know about the size of his salmon. I was not as impressed as he thought I would be,’ I say.

They both laugh.

‘And when are you off to the Lakes?’ Jasper asks.

‘Thursday.’

‘Are you sure you don’t want to stay here another night?’ Miles asks. ‘My mum was very fond of you.’

‘That’s sweet but I have errands to run,’ I tell them, running through a mundane list in my head that mainly involves working out if I have enough clean pairs of pants. ‘I also want to pop in on a mate.’

‘Is that a roundabout way of saying you’re going to shag Leo?’ Jasper asks me.

‘NO! So crude,’ I shriek at him, but I’ll admit it’s nice to see Miles laughing at his joke. ‘I do have other friends you know? Apart from you.’

‘I am your best friend though,’ Jasper confidently tells me. His eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. You are something, you daft twit. I see you more clearly now, who you are and why you are, and it’s possibly made me love you even more. I don’t doubt Frank is a closer friend to you but you let me step into this world of yours, this very complicated world, and you’ve let me be a part of it. When all those family members came round, you introduced me to all of them.This is the very wonderful Maggie. You love me too. I also know this because your mum told me.

‘Well, I hope I can be a friend too?’ Miles asks me as he drives, the station in sight.

‘Of course,’ I say, grinning. ‘I want full access to this relationship from now on…’ I say and we’re all quiet for a moment while they digest those words and what they really mean. ‘Maybe in the new year, we can go out?’ I tell them. ‘Just the three of us.’

Jasper beams. The car rolls into the station and Miles pulls into a stop. ‘Well, I would love that. You’re only sixteen stations away on the Tube,’ he jokes, turning to wink at me. We all get out of the car and Miles goes to the boot to get my bag, leaving Jasper and me standing there.

‘Be nice to Leo, please. Don’t break that boy’s heart,’ Jasper tells me. ‘He really does like you.’

I nod. Over chess, Jasper told me how much and said I was a bit of a spanner for not noticing it. The way he’d always volunteer to do jobs when Frank and Jasper would sit there staring at their screens, the way he would buy the flowers and cake for my birthday, the way he let me take his bed that night at our Christmas do when I got drunk. That’s because I was his boss, no? No, it was because he always wants to do the right thing by me, he always puts me first.

‘I will try,’ I stand there, a bit emotional. ‘I’m not quite sure what to say, Jasper,’ I tell him. The fact is I loved him before, but now it feels like that’s increased tenfold in meeting Miles, his mum and understanding his family situation. And it makes me think how having to make one of my dear friends redundant is becoming even more of an unbearable decision to have to make.

‘Thank you is customary,’ he tells me.

‘Then thank you. I love you. You know that.’ He scowls at me a little, like he’s in pain. ‘Don’t pull that face. It’s not like that.’

‘That’s good. I didn’t want to be part of some complicated love triangle at Christmas.’

I laugh.

‘Then, as it’s Christmas, and you were the first one to breach the line of professional conduct…I love you too, Maggie.’ As he says the last bit, his voice wobbles, his emotion has got the better of his sarcasm. He can’t quite bear this so he grabs me and pulls me in for a long, prolonged hug. When he knows he’s taken a moment too long, he steps back and pushes my shoulder.

‘Go, get on a train. Here…’ he tells me, going in his pocket. He hands me a tin of gin and tonic in a luridly red can. ‘You be a sad case and drink on your own.’

I take the tin quite happily. ‘Merry Christmas, Jassy Bear.’

‘Oh, do fuck off…’

‘Miss? Miss? I’m afraid it’s the last stop, you will need to get off.’

I awake with a jolt, murmurs of announcements and people in the background as a train conductor in a Santa hat stands over me, looking at the empty tin of gin on my tray table, assuming the worst. Did I fall asleep? I wipe at a trail of drool from the corner of my mouth, taking out an AirPod from my ear.

‘I’m so sorry, so so sorry.’ I peer out the window, desperately. At least I made it to Waterloo and didn’t bounce back to somewhere like Southampton, that would not have been good. I search around for my bags and clear my rubbish. The conductor hears the echoes of Christmas music come out of my earbud and smiles.

‘Long journey?’ he asks me.

‘You could say that…Mervin,’ I say, reading his name badge. He seems surprised by the gesture. ‘My dad works on the Tube. You working over the holidays?’

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