Page 41 of We Three Kings

Over the full hour of our train trip, Jasper heard all the detail of last night. Not all of it, obviously. And especially not the part about when I awoke in the morning with an overwhelming sense of panic. Maybe something had been building with Leo in the last month, his kindness had started to peekthrough and I was noticing him more. The way his eyes would crease at the corners when he was really happy, and certainly more stolen glances over our monitors. To be at this point, to have acted on those impulses felt so very right but, as I lay there trying to work out what time it was, I realised I’d known this man for four years. Why had this not happened before? Oh, because I was his boss. I’d stepped over a line, abused my power some would say. Jan in HR would not be happy with this and, suddenly, I realised this could come across as really really bad if in the new year, we had to let Leo go. Could that be classed as harassment? What was I doing? I liked him, completely, but this was not well thought through.

‘I know. Please don’t lecture me about it,’ I plead with him.

Jasper sits on a bench, arms spreadeagled to the back of it, legs out taking in the cold sunshine as I pace in front of him.

‘I was also referring to the fact that your liaison may have been recorded, hacked. It all lives in the Cloud somewhere, you should know that? You’ve not called him since? Texted?’

‘Well, no. I got up at midday and I had to get ready to meet you.’

‘Don’t use me as an excuse. It takes mere seconds to send an emoji,’ he tells me. ‘I can’t believe I’m the only person not to have seen your boobs though.’

‘JASPER!’ I shriek, hitting him across the head. He laughs, alluding to how he found out. It turned out Frank got home from the wedding and brought a piece of wedding cake to Leo in bed. Who was very naked and still connected to me via Facetime where my phone was angled at my also very naked body. Apparently, Frank screamed to see me. He dropped the cake. And then he rang Jasper.

‘I can’t believe you saw me in Waterloo and let me get on that train, knowing that whole time,’ I say scolding him.

He smiles. ‘I thought you would have guessed from my expression. I rarely smile. That was my awful way of trying tokeep the secret in. I can’t believe you would have come into my family home and kept that information to yourself too,’ he says, slightly annoyed at me.

‘I think I’m a bit ashamed. That was poor of me, to take advantage of him like that.’ The fact is I want to appear professional, to voice the tumult of emotions in my gut, but the overriding feeling at the moment is lust. The fact I leaned into the temptation of Leo. That despite my better judgement telling me it was not a good idea, some other feeling soared above that all, telling me to just relent to it all.

‘What you described on that train did not sound like shame,’ he tells me.

‘Was it too much…Did I say too much?’ I think I was just holding on to all of it, tightly like a spring. I had phone sex, I had pretty intense orgasms, I went to sleep, I got up and had a shower, washed my hair, packed my things and was almost in shock and denial that it had happened. So when Jasper questioned me about it, I went into some sort of overdrive mode.

‘Well, the ladies behind us did move away when you started going on about being surprised by his penis and I am fond of you, Maggie, but those were not images I needed in my head.’

I stop pacing to blush profusely.

‘Did Frank indicate if Leo was OK?’ I ask.

‘He didn’t get a lot out of him,’ he explains. ‘As we both well know, he’s not one to share his emotions. You will have to get in touch with him at some point though. You’re going to the Lakes in two days. You need to do something.’

I know this to be true but my head is far too messed up to be dealing with this now. I think I really like him but there are complications there to do with work decisions. Jasper studies my face and I can’t quite read his expression – criticism or confusion. It’s fortunate, therefore, that the moment is suddenly interrupted by a very loud and repeated car horn coming for us.

‘JASSSSSSSS!’ someone shouts from an open Land Roverwindow and she screeches to a stop right by our bench, as I jump out of the way to avoid being run over. The lady exits the car and gives Jasper the biggest of hugs. Having met Frank’s mum yesterday, there is something about her which is completely different. The way she embraces him and sways from side to side to draw it out and make him laugh, it’s like a complete infusion of love. I won’t mention that her hair is in rollers, she’s got Uggs on her feet and a big winter coat over what I will assume to be some nightwear or the like underneath.

‘You could have got dressed, Mum?’ he says, from over her shoulder, looking at me and trying to gauge my reaction.

‘Boring. Everyone was busy in the house anyways. I wanted to come. You’re my Jas. You look so well. Have you grown?’ she asks him. Did I expect her to be posh? Jasper’s got some clipped tones to his accent that he tries to hide but his mother sounds normal.

‘I think you stop growing in your late teens, Mum,’ he says but she doesn’t listen, swinging around to take a look at me.

‘Maggie! Oh my,’ she says coming in for a hug, a true warmth and sparkle in her eyes. ‘You’re so welcome too. I’m Carmel.’

I hug her tightly in return. ‘It’s lovely to meet you, Carmel,’ I say. There’s a gorgeous joy that just hits her face.

She pushes me back to look at me. ‘So lovely. Did you know that in all the years Jasper has been away from home, you are the only person he’s ever brought home?’

‘That’s a lie. I brought back Clarence once, who was on my course,’ Jasper argues.

‘The one with the big hair like a lion’s mane? He was slightly dull, Jassy Bear. He got spooked like a horse when anyone tried to talk to him.’

I smile when she calls him Jassy, which Jasper is not entirely impressed about. ‘I don’t bring many people back to the bedlam,’ he says dryly.

‘So rude but not untrue,’ she jokes, opening the boot and helping us get our bags inside. ‘And don’t worry, Jasper has briefed us. You are alone this Christmas? Really?’

‘My parents are on a holiday so Jasper suggested I come here. I hope it’s alright?’

We all bundle into our seats and I sit in the back as she looks at me in the rearview mirror. ‘It’s more than OK. I wish he would do this more. Jassy Bear, have you invited her skiing? You’re very welcome to come along if you want?’ she tells me and I smile back. We’ve only just met and you want to adopt me. It’s very sweet either way.

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