Page 31 of We Three Kings

‘Norah-Norah?’ he says, like I’ve told him to work out a very hard sum.

‘Maths Camp Norah. It’s quite obvious, no?’

‘It is?’

‘She’s always tracking you in the room, she has only truly positive things to say, she asked you to split that mango dessert thing with her.’

‘That’s because she’s nice,’ he explains.

‘And it’s because she has a crush on you,’ I say, trying to spell it out with my hands.

‘But…’ he mumbles.

‘I’ve done all the scouting. She’s single, you know.’

I have a feeling I understand what it may have been like to have stood next to Pythagoras when he worked out his theorem, as Frank’s face starts to comprehend what I’ve just told him. He jumps up from the bench and starts to quietly pace in front of me.

‘Norah? But then, how do I do that? Are you sure?’ he says, turning to me.

‘Girls can read girls. I am the surest. But…’ I’m not quite sure how to broach this with Frank as I suspect he’s not asked a lot of girls out and could very well possibly be a virgin. ‘She’s one of your oldest friends. Maybe take it slow, hang out a bit more, see how the land lies.’

His face fills with mild panic. ‘But I’m going out with you. What if she gets with someone else tonight and I’ve missed the boat. She’s very pretty.’

‘I know she is. You’re not going out with me really though.I’ve had the best meal of my life and I now know where the gift bags are. I can leave, you can tell everyone I had to go.’

‘Why did you go?’ he asks me. ‘Maybe diarrhoea?’

I wrinkle my nose. ‘Or maybe I had an early flight to go see my grandmother in Iceland for Christmas?’

He snaps his fingers. Yes, that explanation is preferable.

‘And then perhaps you could return that bolero to her, thank her on my behalf and spend the evening chatting with her, getting to know her again. Bring her up here with a cup of tea, it’s romantic. You can tell her the truth.’

He nods rapidly. I wonder if I need to laminate this as a list.

‘And we can come up with some reason why we broke it off, to tell everyone else.’

‘Maybe you met someone in Iceland and cheated on me…’ he suggests.

‘Or maybe I wanted different things. Perhaps it was your sizeable penis.’

‘It came between us, quite literally.’

And I laugh again, so heartily that Frank has made such a good joke, he has to come over and beat my back.

‘I mean, there’s an evening buffet, more dancing and stuff? You can stay if you want,’ he tells me. ‘I think there’s a magician going round, he’s dressed as a reindeer.’

‘I will be fine, Frank. I’m headed to Jasper’s tomorrow. One thing though, can we take cake home?’ I ask him.

‘It’s stacked in a pyramid, next to the gift bags.’

‘Then I am done. I’ll grab an Uber. Go and get that girl, young man. Report back tomorrow and tell me how it went.’

I stand up and salute him but he comes over and gives me a long unexpected hug. I laugh to myself to feel his gangly arms wrapped awkwardly around me. ‘Thank you, boss. You rock. You really do.’

‘So do you,’ I tell him from over his shoulder. I mean that so sincerely, I really hope he knows that.

‘Text me when you get home?’

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