Page 12 of His Revenge

“If I tell you something confidential from my father’s organization that I know but don’t have proof of, how much of it will get back to your father?” I ask, fearful that I am toeing the line between life and death, even if I was never willingly part of my father’s operation. I am treading dangerously, not because I believe that Leo will hurt me but due to the known stance his family takes on traitors. In a swift movement Leo takes his free hand and cups my cheek so fast that I cannot stop the instinctive flinch. He meets my flinch with the softest caress of his thumbacross my cheek. Staring into the roaring blue ocean of his eyes, I see his truth and my safety. Now, if I could just convince my overworked and traumatized nervous system that we are not actively in danger, that would be great.

“No one will ever lay their hands on you again. Not today, not tomorrow, Not in this lifetime or the next will anyone cause you harm. Anyone who tries will pay for it with their life. No questions asked, and yes, that includes me,” Leo utters in a low and deadly tone that has me shivering from something other than fear.

“My father has had deals with the Bratva for years; since before your mother died. The agreement was that all business would be conducted in secret and outside the city so that it would not alert your family to the activity,” I respond, my words blending together from being spoken in such a rush. There is a fine line that I am walking here. If he knew what I was saying and who I was saying it to he would lock me in the basement closet and use my body as currency. It wouldn’t be the first time. He picked the most brutal monsters from his inner circle to loan me to. The involuntary shiver just thinking about the last one is enough to wrap my arms around myself and hold firm. I try to remind myself that I am not there, that the closet is not in my future, and that I will never be contained against my will again.

“The Russian connection would make sense as to how they knew where we were last night. Your father had probably given him the information and they must have followed us from the restaurant last night. I am so sorry, Butterfly. I should have seen us being followed,” He says, remorse bleeding into his voice. I squeeze his hand that I am holding to get his attention.

“You cannot take sole responsibility; you didn’t know what my dad was doing or who the enemy that was stalking us could have been. We are alive and uninjured thanks to the custom upgrade on your car,” I reassure him, trying to take the burdenof this onto both of us instead of just him. My father worked very hard to keep that information from Leo’s family and spilled many buckets of blood to do so. He smiles at me and then looked back at Rome.

“Hey, Forbidden Lover, Did you bring what I asked for?” Leo asks Rome in a near cryptic manner. Based only on the smile that crosses Rome’s face, he brought whatever Leo asked for. He turns around, opens the garage, and hurries to his car. He opens the trunk, grabbing a box with this goofy carefree smile on his face. He sets it down in front of us and I see laptops, phones, and an e-reader. I stare blankly at them, afraid to hope that some of this is for me. Rome hands me a new phone with a wink. I look at my husband-to-be with a combination of awe and confusion.

“Rome handles cleaning all of our technological items so they cannot be tracked or traced by anyone without access to the system he built. I will be able to access your location with these devices, but I promise not to abuse this power. In the effort of fairness, you have access to my location as well,” He answers my unspoken question. Opening the application labeledFamiliaI notice two dots in the house.

“Why do you have two phones in the house?” I ask, hoping he will continue to be honest with me. While this arrangement between us is new, he has chosen to be honest with me thus far. The moment he chooses to lie to me is the moment his label goes from on my side to on my father’s. Years of planning have gone out the door already. Pushing down each and every punishment I have received, like a bomb waiting to go off, my revenge will be well placed.

“One is for when I am home and the other is for when I am on a job,” He answers without hesitation.

“Is there a catch?” I ask, fearful that I need to pay for this somehow.

“The only thing that I ask is if you need to text your father you use the secure messaging feature,” He says, while unpacking a laptop and a Kindle from the box.

Rome chimes in with, “The reader is connected to a few different subscription services already on Leo’s family plan. You also have a credit card linked to the e-reader itself to purchase any books not available on the subscriptions. The wi-fi is built-in now so you should be able to download books almost anywhere.” The tears are fighting to escape at the kindness that Leo has shown me with this one act. I clasp my hands together to keep it from shaking.

“You don't have to say anything, Butterfly. This is just one of the many ways I plan to take care of you. Given the attack last night, I ask that you don't leave the house alone. There are already four contacts saved in your phone,” Leo addresses me with kindness in his eyes. No one has ever gone out of their way for me before. For the first time in my life I feel seen for more than just my body but for who I am.

“Thank you, Leo,” is all I can muster as words without choking up. Never in my life have I had any form of freedom. Even when I was attending public events, I knew that if I so much as took a breath wrong, I would pay for it with pain. I learned when I was a child that if I spoke out of turn my food would be removed. When the food wasn't enough of a punishment for him, the physical punishments started.

Sometimes I was lucky and the only punishment I would endure was his cane but that was not always the case. By the time I was eight he decided that when he was more irritated with me, he would sell my body for the night. I remember too much and not enough all at the same time. From what I have read, this is a trauma response, but there was no point in trying to work through it, when until a few days ago, I was still living it.

My breathing changed as each memory unleashed itself to hit me. What I endured yesterday was a speck of color in my canvas of trauma but it unlocked the flood gates. Years of torture, both sexual and physical, hit me one after another. Falling to my knees, I struggle to breathe through the pain and terror. Each breath feels like blades tearing apart my lungs from the inside and the world around me is fuzzy and unclear.

Leo’s voice breaks through the barrier of my panic, even and calm to reassure me. “Come back to me, Butterfly. You are safe now. I promise that no one will ever hurt you again.”

Chapter Sixteen

LEO

“A survivor is someone who has lived through traumatic experiences but continues to wake up and live every day.”

Imay not know where she went mentally but based upon the way that her eyes glazed over when she fell, it wasn't a happy memory. I patiently wait until I see her eyes refocus before I reach for her hand; I don’t need to add to her fear. Every instinct in my body screamed at me to catch her but I know that when people mentally check out they do not react normally.

“I'm sorry,” she mutters barely above a whisper. The tightness in her shoulders tells me just how close she is to breaking.

“May I touch you?” I ask, looking for permission to comfort her. Given everything that she has experienced with her father and guard, I will not be the one to make her worse. A subtle nod is all she provides me before I reach for her hand. Pulling her into me, I make eye contact with Rome. He has a lot to do here and will put her new presents on the kitchen table for her.

I move her to my chest and pick her up from the floor bridal style. Her fear filled whimpers and the way she is shaking rocksme to my core. I knew that things were bad with her father before, but not to this extent. This specific type of fear is bone deep from years of extended torture. It takes physical effort to keep every fiber of my being calm when I want to burn the world down for what she has gone through and I have only had a glimpse of her story. I am not sure that I can handle knowing the whole truth of her pain without having something I can break. Even knowing this I could never turn her away. If she decided to tell me more of her past I would bury my anger and comfort her until I could walk away and explode.

Walking through my house with her feels different; less a house and more our home. Somewhere I can guarantee her safety and comfort. No matter how our relationship develops, she deserves one space carved out in this world where she doesn’t have to face the nightmares of her past. Careful not to startle her, I lower myself onto the couch and set her in my lap. She hesitates and looks up at me through her lashes. It doesn’t take an expert to see the fear in her eyes. It just doesn’t make sense to me, how someone could be so cruel to such a beautiful creature to walk this earth.

“Lean onto me, Butterfly. I will die before I let anyone hurt you ever again. I don’t care how much blood I have to spill or what side of this turf war the blood is from. Your enemy is now my enemy and any living creature to raise their hand against you won’t be living for much longer,” I speak, pushing both comfort and honesty into my words, hoping that she understands the depth of them. We may have started this arrangement differently, but now that I know and understand her there is nothing that would prevent me from protecting her. Even if it meant throwing my revenge against her father out the window, I would do it as long as she got the life she deserves.

“Please don’t throw me away now that you see what a broken toy I have become. I know you had expectations coming into thisagreement and I am not meeting them but I can do better… I can be more, but please, don’t send me back there. I won’t survive it,” Her voice cracks on the final admission as a tear falls down her cheek. She wipes it away with the back of her hand, breaking the eye contact we had.

How could this beautiful woman ever think she could be thrown away? You don’t live in the world that we grew up in without some sort of trauma and from what I know her dad was the primary source of hers. She may not see it, but her strength and survival have cocooned who she is and protected her core from the vile upbringing that she had. If I have anything to say about it, she will come out of this cocoon and emerge the beautiful vibrant butterfly that I know is trapped safely inside. I’m not stupid though, I know that trauma is a lifelong healing and that triggers will come and go. The safer I make her and the more that she processes the more reactive she will get. This doesn’t make her weak; this makes her the strongest fucking person I know to get up everyday and fight the embedded fear she has spend most of her life surviving. Using my free hand to stroke her cheek, I place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“I am not losing you. You are mine. You will always be mine, beautiful. Even if I was killed tomorrow, Rome knows that you are never to go back to your father. He has an extra go bag with a passport, new identity, and overseas account that cannot be traced for you to use. I would do anything and be anyone to ensure your freedom,” My voice exudes calm and truth as I make the second promise of my life. What she doesn’t know is that if I have to break my promise to Claire to keep her safe, I would do it. Tears fall freely from her eyes as she attempts to muffle her cries. Pulling her as close as the clothes will allow, I gently rock her while humming a lullaby that my mom used to sing to me in Italian.

“Let it out. You are safe here,” I reassure her between verses. The sobs racking her body cut me to the core. Even if it takes my entire life, I will give her the revenge she deserves. I will offer the blood of her tormentors to take for herself as my equal in this life, but I hope she will take me up on the offer to allow me to take the burden of killing from her. Each life ended, no matter how much that person deserves to die, weighs differently and she deserves peace, not to be haunted by the ghosts of those who hurt her. Killing in the beginning can keep you awake at night asking yourself endless questions about the future you ended but after as many kills as I have completed in the name of my family I barely see my victims faces anymore.

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