Page 5 of Worth the Fall

DIVORCED IN MY TWENTIES

BROOKLYN

When I walked through the swinging doors of the Sugar Saloon, my best friend, Lana, let out a loud whoop and jumped to her feet.

“Finally! Here’s to being single and ready to mingle!” she shouted into the not so empty space, and I grimaced as all eyes turned to focus on me.

Single? Yes.

Ready to mingle? Not so much.

I absolutely did not trust my judgment when it came to the opposite sex or relationships right now. How had I gotten things so wrong? Marriage was supposed to be a lifetime commitment, and I felt naive and foolish for how I’d gone into mine.

“He finally signed the papers?” Bella, the bartender, asked sweetly as she maneuvered around the old oak bar.

She was stunning, her long brown hair reaching halfway down her back, and her naturally tanned skin was always exposed on some part of her tiny body. I swore the girl was just maybe five foot three. It always made me laugh to watch the way she commanded the men in the saloon. No one messed with her even though she looked like she’d fit in your pocket.

And even though Bella was barely old enough to drink herself, I liked her a lot. I’d been here far too many times lately, complaining about the state of my life, and Bella was one of the few people who never made me feel judged for it. Most of the other patrons who eavesdropped on our conversation didn’t hesitate in letting me know their thoughts on my life—that I was crazy to walk away from such a good man when he’d done nothing wrong.

Maybe I was.

I nodded. “He did. But not without making it hurt a little first,” I said, replaying the last words we’d said to each other before walking out of the mediator’s office.

“There’s no fixing this?” His voice shook with the question. “Nothing I can do?”

It was the first time he’d even asked me that.

“No.” My response was firm. Unwavering. And left no room for doubt.

When I’d married Eli only a few short years ago, it’d never occurred to me that we’d end things. Then again, I didn’t think anyone got into a marriage with the expectation that it wouldn’t last forever.

We all went into relationships the same way...hopeful.

But my hope had slowly turned into something else entirely—resentment. And it ate away at me. I started hating how little he wanted to work and get ahead in his career while I overachieved in mine. Eli wanted all the nice things that money could buy, but he didn’t want to be the one to provide them. He liked my checks, filled with overtime pay and tips from major corporate events, but had no desire to bring in one of his own. It’d felt like the more I worked, the less he tried.

“How are you feeling?” Bella asked as her smile dropped. She felt bad for me.

“It was the right thing to do,” I said even though that wasn’t really an answer.

“I really am so happy for you.” Lana ran up and threw her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “You did good,” she reassured, and I forced a smile.

My best friend might be happily married to a Swiss god named Sven, but I knew she’d meant what she said. She was the only one I’d vented to for over the last year. The only person who hadn’t made me feel like I was crazy or irrational for making the decision to end things when there’d been no wrongdoing.

There had been no cheating, no lying, and no abuse of any kind. Those were the types of things that most people consideredacceptable reasonsfor ending a marriage. Leaving because you weren’t happy definitely wasn’t a good enough one. I’d been told to stick it out, that it would pass, and—my favorite—that I wasn’t supposed to be happy because I was married!

But I hated the way I felt. Day in and day out, I groaned whenever I came home from work and saw Eli’s car in the driveway. Instead of elation, I felt weighed down. I should have looked forward to seeing his face when I walked through the front door each night, but found myself hating the fact that he would be there instead. The dread had been suffocating.

“Come on, Brooky. You should be happy. This is good news,” Lana practically sang, hoping to put me in a better mood.

“I am. It is.” I tried to be as excited as she was, but it was difficult.

I was a multitude of feelings at the moment. Happiness was definitely one of them, but I’d never planned on being divorced before I even turned thirty years old. It was more than a little embarrassing. Who failed that quickly at being married? Apparently, I did.

I felt so foolish.

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