Page 27 of Where We Fall

I scoffed because it was all I could do. What, was I supposed to lie to the woman who was the closest thing I had to family left in this world? Besides Dylan, of course.

“Theo’s a good man,” I told her, to which she nodded quickly a few times before opening her mouth to call me out on my shit.

“Absolutely. No one can fault him for falling in love with a woman he has no future with. So, I guess that makes you the asshole.” She pursed her lips.

I eyed the liquid in Miranda’s glass, wishing I could snatch it up and drown away my feelings. As if she could read my mind, she finished it and set the empty glass down, its sound snapping me from my thoughts.

You will find your end at the bottom of your drinking glass.

Not today.

“Well, I suppose I’ve stirred enough shit for one night.” Miranda placed a hundred dollar bill on the table before standing.

When she pulled me into a hug, I squeezed her hard. Her heart was in the right place, even if I would now become obsessed with Dexter with every second that ticked by. She had to know she was sending me home to one man with another in my soul. But that wasn’t her fault. I wasn’t going to pin that on her. But I’d been doing a decent job pretending and tonight, the jig was up.

I only hoped Theo would be at work, or if he was home, that Dexter had already dropped Dylan off. If the universe was favoring me, everyone would be sleeping, and I’d be able to have my emotional breakdown without an audience.

I just hoped there wasn’t any alcohol in the house.

* * *

I pulledinto my driveway and turned off my car. With the windshield wipers off, the rain slid down the glass with ease. When I reached for the handle, my hand dropped onto my lap. I couldn’t get out. I couldn’t do anything. I was paralyzed, my emotions smothering me. I inhaled deeply, thinking the air in my lungs would give me the push I needed to make it inside.

It was in that moment that I realized how much power Dexter had over me. Yes, love had already given him a power that no one else would ever get. Because he loved me first, before I even completely loved myself, he got that pure, unadulterated, undiluted love. The kind that scared us because we were kids.

I sat there, the rain pattering onto the roof of my car. I couldn’t cry. Because when life finally hit me, it was too sad, too much of a devastation to shed tears over. I would be living my life, waiting for the next contact, the next collision. Dexter Andrews was all I wanted.

Without him, I could not be soothed.

Without him, I could not be complete.

I leaned forward and reached for the handle again, swallowing my feelings whole and dragging myself into the house.

Once inside, I slipped off my shoes and was just hanging up my coat when I heard Theo come down the stairs. I blinked slowly before turning to face him.

“Have a good time?” he asked.

I was so tired all of a sudden. I nodded and moved to walk up the stairs. When he grabbed my arm lightly before kissing me, I wanted to run out of the house and never look back.

Theo was good. He’d given me all I could ask for. But if it wasn’t Dexter, it wasn’t right.

Theo ran his hands up until they were cupping my face. I was robotic, simply moving along as he pulled off my shirt. His hands on my breasts felt like a betrayal and I pulled away. His eyes looked into mine and I shook my head, sobbing before running out.

I’d forgotten it was raining and when I ran through the wet grass, I reveled in it. It was dark, and I couldn’t see anything other than what was directly in front of me. I collapsed, just existing as the rain met my skin a million times—over and again.

Theo would think I was crazy.

But Theo had no fucking idea how crazy I could get.

Noa

“Do you love him?”Tim asked me one night, as I served him dinner.

I shrugged because I didn’t know. I had no idea what he even meant. But it weighed on my mind from that moment forward.

One time, I looked up the definition of love.

Verb; feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone).

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