Page 30 of When We Crash

So close.

So damn close.

“Don’t kiss me, Dexter,” she said, placing her hand on my chest. “Don’t ruin me for anyone else if you aren’t going to stick around.”

“You think you haven’t already ruined me?” I asked, playing with the ends of her hair. I didn’t want to betray the fact that my heart was beating erratically in my ribcage.

She stepped back, out of my reach. “You said I was someone to be won over and over. Win me, please.”

She walked away and out of the room before I could tell her I would. I had no idea how, but I would.

As the bell rang, I grabbed my books and headed to my locker, dropping them off and heading into the brightly colored cafeteria. While vivid blue lockers assaulted my vision in the halls, it was red and yellow in the cafeteria. They tried to make the place look cheerful, but this was the first time I paid attention to the décor. And once I saw what beauty Noa could create in just an hour, all else seemed dull in comparison.

I went through the line, carrying my tray out and walking toward my usual table. Ralph looked up and waved me over.

I caught sight of Noa in the back corner, sitting with an open book in front of her. There were a few people at the end of her table, but I knew none of them were there for her. She wasn’t there for them either.

I walked up to Ralph. I never picked where we sat—among the more popular students. It had just been Dex’s usual seat apparently, so I went along with it, unbothered by it. “I’m gonna go sit with Noa today,” I told him.

He looked back at where she was seated and shrugged. “Go for it.”

I headed over slowly, feeling eyes on me. When I stopped in front of Noa, it took her a few moments to look up. When she did, she laughed.

I sat down across from her with a grin so wide my cheeks started to hurt. The other people at her table gave us their rapt attention.

“Aren’t you persistent?” She wedged a scrap piece of paper between the pages she’d just been reading and closed the book before taking a bite of her apple.

“You threw down the gauntlet, Blue. You can’t get upset when I rise to the occasion.” I picked up my pizza and watched her smile bloom.

“Blue?” She threw her head back and laughed again, this time open and honest. “I like it.”

Noa knew how to laugh. She didn’t laugh often, but when she did, it took over her whole body. Rather, she gave her body over to her humor and delight. It made me want to laugh with her.

“What are you reading?” I pulled the book toward me. “Anna Karenina. Sounds heavy.” Judging by the worn cover, it wasn’t her first time reading it.

“Each time I read it, I get something different. I’m not averse to reading the same book more than once, more than twice. There are details we miss each time. Self-discovery, adultery, women’s rights, those themes jump out at you the first go round. The second time, I was focused on forgiveness.” She rolled her bitten apple in her hands.

“And this time?” I asked, before taking another bite of my pizza.

“I think I’m just overwhelmed by Anna’s sadness. And her escape by suicide. Death is brought up quite a few times. It…fascinates me,” she said, so matter-of-factly that I had a thought.

“Have you ever almost died?” It made sense. If she had, the soul of the one I loved would’ve been placed inside her and…it would have been the same day I came back. That recent. Maybe it added to my not seeing her until I’d been back a few weeks.

She looked down and shook her head.

I didn’t push her. I had to believe she’d trust me enough to tell me one day. “I did. Well, I died and came back.” I drank some water, watching her expression change.

“What was it like?”

“I don’t think I can explain it. I don’t remember much, other than the waking up part, and knowing I’d been somewhere else. Somewhere that usually doesn’t send people back.” She lied to me and I lied to her. I couldn’t tell her what I remembered, and she wouldn’t tell me what happened to her.

Noa nodded, her lips parting. She snapped out of her momentary trance and gathered her things.

I walked with her, ignoring the eyes still on us. We threw our trash away and she was about to walk away when I called her name.

“Yeah?” She was clearly uncomfortable with people staring at her.

“What are you doing later?”

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