Page 95 of Please Hate Me

Why did everyone have to care about me? They should hate me. Lucian had the right idea; he was keeping me at arm’s length, making sure I couldn’t hurt him again. Everyone else should’ve been doing the same. If I let anyone in this house love me, I’d lose them. I didn’t want that.

Not again.

“Mason!” Sebastian’s voice was more frantic, followed by stumbling footsteps.

His hands were warm and wet as they found my shoulders. I looked up, only for a bead of water to fall from his hair and onto my cheek.

“Mason? What’s wrong?” His whole body was tight as his hands shook against me. “Are you hurt? Is Lavender okay?”

I choked on nothing, feeling stupid for causing this big of a fuss. People out there had real problems, and I was crying like a child because I was terrified of love and the inevitable loss that came with it.

“I don’t want to be in Lucian’s relationship,” I sobbed.

I didn’t want to hurt them. I didn’t wantthemto hurtme. I didn’t want any of it.

Sebastian had been kneeling, but he shifted his weight to sit in a cross-legged position as he pulled me onto the towel covering his lap. He held me close, the heat of his still-damp body acting like a security blanket. He wrapped his well-muscled arms around me, weaving a hand into my hair.

“Did one of them hurt you?” His question was calm but pointed.

I shook my head.

“I don’t want them. I want you.”

He sighed, playing with the bow Sophia pinned in my hair. “I want you too… but are you sure you don’t want a relationship withanyof them?”

I wanted a relationship withallof them, but they deserved better. Lucian and Sophia were still in love with the old version of me, a person who no longer existed. And Cameron? He probably just felt sorry for me. That was the only logical reason any of them would have feelings for me, and I was awful for exploiting them.

“I just want you,” I repeated.

And that seemed good enough for Seb.

“I’ll text Lucky and have him spread the news.” Seb brushed a kiss to the top of my head, and if I could have sunk any further into him, I would have.

To be loved was a dangerous thing, but Sebastian was my safety. He would never leave, even if I begged him to.

“And I think you, my dear, need a nap,” he chided.

“What? No! You just got home, and I missed you.” I quickly wiped tears from my eyes with the back of my hands.

“Princess,” he soothed, “I know when you’re tired. Let’s just lay down for a little; if you sleep, you sleep. If you don’t? That’s fine too.”

When I woke up, Sebastian’s arms were tangled around me, and he was snoring. My mouth was so dry it hurt, and my eyes were still heavy.

I started the arduous process of rolling over to go back to sleep, but my stomach growled, and the hunger-induced nausea loomed. My gaze found the half-eaten packet of peanut butter crackers on my nightstand, and my nose wrinkled. They weren’t bad, but they also weren’t what I wanted.

As I stretched my back, I noticed Sebastian had gotten my phone for me and placed it on the charger. I grabbed it, immediately noticing a large crack in the screen. It’s not like I deserved any different after throwing it the way I had.

I tapped on the broken screen, and once it lit up, the time caught my eye. It was just past eleven-thirty. I had also received a text from Cameron. We had swapped numbers last night in his truck, but we’d never bothered to message each other. I unlocked my screen, partly expecting him to tell me off for running away like I did.

I put the leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry.

Somehow, that was worse than being yelled at.

I looked down just in time to see Lavender kick. This late at night, it was probably safe for me to go downstairs.

I slowly detangled myself from Sebastian. After sneaking out of bed, I stripped off Sophia’s clothes and pulled on Sebastian’s hoodie over a pair of pajama pants. Once I was done, I crept down the steps and into the kitchen.

The dim light above the stove was my only beacon as I approached the kitchen. At first, I thought I was alone, but then I noticed Lucian sitting on the counter. My heart skipped as he eyed me over. He popped a piece of sushi out of the plastic to-go container and into his mouth, still glaring at me.

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