Page 44 of Please Hate Me

Lucian muttered something under his breath. At first, I tried to listen closely, hoping to catch a glimpse into what Lucian didn’t want me to know, but I quickly realized he wasn’t speaking English. More proof that I was a terrible girlfriend when we were together—if I really cared about him, I would’ve at least attempted to learn Spanish.

“Last night, I watched a few videos you posted to your social media,” he admitted.

“Are you a fan?”

I hoped he wasn’t. The idea of someone I was once close to being a fan made me uneasy. I had never wanted to be Mason Albright, the celebrity. I just wanted to write music. I liked seeing other people shine, but the limelight was drawn to me like a magnet. It was suffocating.

“Hardly… but I noticed that you’ve lost weight since getting pregnant, and—”

“It’s morning sickness!” I promised, willing him not to read further into it.

“I’m not done,” he spat. “You can blame it on morning sickness all you want, but I know James loves to make you starve.”

The concern in Lucian’s eyes was a stark contrast to his harsh tone.

“My dad likes to control everything,” I whispered. “But he knows what he’s doing. I’m a superstar.”

“A superstar,” he murmured. “Listen. I don’t give a fuck what you think you are.You’renot my concern.”

My nose wrinkled. He was practically forcing me to eat. What else could he be concerned about?

“That’s my boyfriend’s baby.” He pointed to my stomach. “I’m not letting you hurt her just because you don’t know how to be a parent.”

A gasp threatened to escape me. My daughter wasn’t even here, and he was accusing me of hurting her?

“Cameron is going to have no part in her life. He’s–”

“The second he sees her, that’s going to change, and you’re fucking stupid if you don’t think that.

I didn’t need this. I pushed my stool out and hopped down onto the floor.

“Sure, go ahead and run. That’ll work out great when you have an infant depending on you,” he taunted. Something about his holier-than-thou attitude really pissed me off.

“How are you going to judge me at all? Cameron saidyou’rea hothead who can’t stay sober.” I wasn’t sure if that was the exact quote, but it felt close enough.

”Iamsober.” Lucian took another drink of his soda.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m so sober I could pass a piss test.” he continued. “And I won’t be offended if you tell me I was a shitty dad. I know that. But I’m actively trying to be better for my kids. What areyoudoing, other than starving yourself for a father who never wanted you?”

My eyes burned as my throat ached. Every fiber of my being was crying out, begging to tell Lucian he was wrong. My dad used to love me, but he lost that love the first time I set foot in the States. I knew if I just made him proud enough, he’d love me again.

Not that Lucian would ever understand that. Instead of correcting him, I filled my lungs with a shaky breath and held my head high before walking away. I was going back to the apartment. I could tell Sebastian I had tried, but no part of me wanted to join whatever mess was going on down here.

Chapter 14

Cameron

Warmth from my cigarette spread through my fingers as I sat in the safety of my truck, observing the farmhouse, mustering the courage to go inside. Sunlight kissed the dark metal roof and reflected off the enormous windows. Sophia’s grandpa, Silas, used to have me clean each and every one of them twice a week before he passed. There were forty-eight in total, but it didn’t feel like that many. Around each of the windows was a set of black shutters that popped against the white vinyl siding.

In the middle of it all sat the front door, the one change Sophia had made to the exterior. When Silas lived here, he had an old, creaky door that had more scratches than paint. The first night after they moved in, Sophia said she couldn’t sleep right because it didn’t feel safe for Lucian’s kids. So, the next day, we hopped into my truck and drove to the hardware store, where she picked out a rose-red door.

“Don’t you think that’s a little much for the old farmhouse?“ I asked her.

She gave me a knowing smile and replied, “Of course not! Everyone who comes to our house will know there’s love inside.”

That expedition was the first time I truly enjoyed being around her. Before then, I thought she and Luce were both spoiled rich kids with more dollars than sense. Silas sure as hell made them sound that way. He never spoke ill of them, but I’d made judgements based on the tales he’d spin of the two. Lucian was a star athlete whose folks paid for all his bills when he moved out and couldn’t find a job. And Sophia was an all-American girl. She did beauty pageants and cheerleading; she was homecoming queen. Based on her hobbies, I assumed she wasn’t the brightest.

---