Page 17 of Please Hate Me

“Yeah, and the road to recovery clearly states not to do anything drastic for the first year of Sobriety. No babies, no marriages, no big purchases, no living with Satan.”

“Mason isn’t Satan, she’s nice.”

“Nice people don’t leave their partners without a word, Sophia.” I didn’t have to look at Lucian to know he was fighting tears. The tremble in his voice told me all I needed to know. “I was destroyed when she left—don’t you even care?”

“No, I do.” She extended a hand to his shoulder, rubbing it gently. “But that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to drink. And youcan’t blame Mason for everything in your life. You were the one who decided to do drugs and poke holes in someone’s condom.”

Lucian shook off Sophia’s caress and folded his arms.

“I didn’t poke holes in Ashley’s condom! Accidents happen,” he defended. Still, Sophia shot him a skeptical look. And honestly, I was inclined to believe Sophia was right. Lucian had always been desperate for commitment. He’d been devastated when I told him marriage wasn’t an aspiration of mine. Of course, I had no plans to leave him and Sophia—but marriage wasn’t for someone like me. I was just glad I lacked the necessary equipment to make a baby with him, because he had also been incredibly vocal about wanting another kid.

I cleared my throat as I searched for a way to change this conversation for the better.

“Hey, where are Jasper and Juniper? I’ve missed them.” I pulled at the collar of my shirt, trying to cool myself off.

Sophia stretched before standing. “Lucian’s sister has them until Tuesday. I told her about you coming back and Sebby’s partner moving in, and we thought it’d be nice to have a few days with just us adults. But, Cameron, that’s not the point.”

God dammit.

She bridged the gap between us, resting her hand on the crook of my elbow. Her skin was soft, the kind of smooth you could only get by never working an honest day in your life. She was smart enough to get by with her brain rather than her hands. Instead of boasting her intelligence, she usually pretended to be a bit of an airhead.

But in situations like this, she always cut right to the core.

“Cam... what do you want to do about the baby?”

My throat constricted as my mind swam with terrible memories, ones that I had never been able to escape no matter how hard I tried. In my soul, I wanted to step up and be there forMason and Lavender. But my brain told me that was stupid and risky.

“Mason wants to raise Lavender on her own, and I want to respect her choice. It’s better this way.”

Sophia seemed a little relieved by my answer. She was a good maternal figure for Jas and Juni, but she’d also told me the newborn stage almost killed her. Sophia had always said she couldn’t deal with the sound of a baby crying—that was why she never wanted kids.

Lucian’s reaction was different.

“You don’t want to know your own fucking child?” Lucian’s anger seemed to bubble under the surface. I knew I was one wrong word away from making him explode. “Youlovemy kids.”

I unbuttoned my collar, trying to alleviate the sudden tightness. “Speaking of them, where are they?”

I was missing Lucian’s children, which made me look even worse for not wanting to be involved with my own.

“Don’t you fucking listen? We just told you they’re with my sister until Tuesday. Don’t change the subject.”

“Hey—why do you even care? Don’t you hate Mason?” Sophia commented.

“I do! But this isn’t about Mason, it’s about Cameron’s—“ Lucian stopped for a moment and looked me over. “Mason told me the baby’s a girl. That means you have a daughter.”

Hearing the words left my chest feeling strangely full. Before I could explain myself to Lucian further, he was climbing off the couch and heading toward the back of the house.

“Where are you going?” Sophia asked.

“To call my sister and talk to my kids!” Lucian retorted. “Unlike some people, I’m not a shitty father.”

I let his insult wash over me, holding my breath until his bedroom door slammed. Some of the tension in Sophia’sshoulders dropped now that we were alone. She wound her arms around my neck as she looked up at me.

“How do youreallyfeel about the baby?“Her crystalline gaze pierced through me as my breathing stuttered. There was no way I could ever explain to Sophia what was going on in my head.

“I-I don’t know, Soph.”

She started to toy with the bottom of my hair, causing goosebumps to ripple down my back.

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