Page 11 of Please Hate Me

“He deserves better than you.” I pointed at my reflection, furrowing my brow to look angry rather than disappointed.

Sebastian had been nothing but wonderful to me. He flew to France just to visit me. He sent me care packages to sneak me the snacks I craved, things my father forbade me from having so I could negate the weight gain from my pregnancy. Seb was the one who called me beautiful and held back my hair the countless times I threw up before we figured out a system to keep my nausea at bay. I had no reason to want anyone else, until I saw Lucian. Seb was my knight in shining armor, and I was the spoiled rotten princess who’d never be happy with anything.

I exhaled a shaky breath before grabbing a few paper towels, wetting them under the arctic water, and wiping my face. The damp chill worked to gnaw away at the looming anxiety threatening to force me to melt down. Once I had scrubbed away the remaining traces of makeup, I turned my attention to the hair tie around my wrist.

Without thinking, I pulled the band back as far as it would go and snapped it against my wrist. A red welt bubbled up, barely visible between the tattoos I had gotten to cover scars of the past. In a life like mine, there were very few things I could control. Pain had always been the one thing that was mine and mine alone. But I also knew how vehemently upset Sebastian would be if he knew I had been hurting myself like this every time I got overwhelmed. I quickly removed the elastic from my wrist and tied my hair into a messy bun before pulling my hood up.

As much as I’d love to hide from the father of my child and ex-lover forever, that was impractical. Until I got home, at least—then I could hide in Sebastian’s apartment indefinitely. All he needed to do was finish the homicide case he was workingon, and then we’d move to Portland and have the white-picket-fence-nuclear-family-happily-ever-after that I never wanted, but my daughter deserved.

With one last deep breath, I straightened my hoodie and prepared to walk out of the room with my shoulders held high. But my air of confidence dissipated when I opened the door to find someone waiting for me on the other side: Lucian Castillo, leaning against the wall between the men’s and women’s restrooms. His arms were crossed, and he lookedpissed.A nervous hum escaped my lips as my heart leapt to my throat. Part of me debated running back to the safety offered by the women’s restroom. Ultimately, Lucian was unavoidable. No matter how well I hid at the house, I still had to sit through a car ride with him.

His abyssal eyes locked on mine. We were in a completely sealed area, full of artificial heat and the warmth of thousands of bustling bodies, but his gaze whipped up a winter wind between us, one that chilled me to my core. I nervously ran a hand along my cheek as if I was trying to slip hair behind my ear, but there was nothing to sweep back. My hair was still in a bun.

So much for acting casual.

I swallowed hard as Lucian pushed himself off the wall and began stalking toward me. His jaw was tight, causing the veins in his neck to bulge under his golden skin. My heart fluttered in his presence, and breathing suddenly became a manual task. But oxygen became a foreign concept the second his fingertips grazed my cheek. The warmth of his skin flowed into mine, causing my cheeks to burn like the sun as I focused on how rough his hands were.

Sophia once told me she believed Lucian and I were soulmates. She had read something in a book and asked me to do a tarot card reading, one that only proved her hunch.You two were written in the stars,she used to say. And maybe she wasright. From astrological signs to goals and aspirations, Lucian and I had always been a match. This used to be a badge of honor for me, but now it felt like a lead weight of shame pinned directly on my chest.

I stood motionless for what felt like an entire lifetime as he inched forward, examining me like someone would a painting. His breath smelled like cinnamon gum.

“What are you doing?” My question was just above a whisper, nowhere near loud enough to be heard above the ambient cacophony of the airport.

His fingers wandered down to my chin, turning my face side to side.

“Mason-fucking-Albright.”

Never had I heard my name spoken like a swear, but I couldn’t blame him for his animosity. It was I who left without so much as a goodbye; if I had been a good person, maybe I would have had the decency to send him a break-up text on my way to the airport. He released me, letting his hand trail down to rest on my stomach. My first instinct was to swat him away, but after months of hiding my pregnancy… This small gesture felt good.

“How far along are you?” He rushed through his words.

“Twenty-six weeks tomorrow.”

Lavender kicked at just the right time to prove a point, and Lucian yanked his hand back like he touched something gross.

“That’s not…. Seb didn’t put that there, right?”

I looked down at my stomach, “Put what where?”

When I looked back up, Lucian turned away, but not before I noticed the subtle flush in his cheeks.

“You’re too smart to be that dumb,” he grumbled. “The fetus. It’s not his, is it?”

“She,” I corrected.

When Lucian looked back, his brow had knit together. “She’s not his, right?”

What did it matter if she was? Sebastian was my boyfriend, and he would fill the role of her father. But I had never been a good liar, so rather than embarrassing myself, I just omitted the fact that Lucian’s boyfriend was the one who knocked me up.

“You won’t be an uncle anytime soon,” I assured him. “I met a guy at a concert, and, well... oops.”

I forced a small smile and a shrug. Lucian seemed satisfied by the answer, and the tension in his shoulders dropped ever so slightly.

“That’s hard, and I’m sorry.” He breathed.

Why the fuck was he being nice to me? It’s not like I deserved it. But, just as I started to wonder if time had actually changed Lucian, our solitude was disrupted.

“There you are!” Cameron’s now familiar drawl hit my ears. “I was just wonderin’ where you ran off to.”

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