Page 134 of Due Diligence

“The reality where we were just two kids who had no idea what the hell we were doing but were told by people all over the globe that we were disruptors, and savants, and vanguards, and other stupid names that just weren’t real.” When I finished saying that, my chest felt lighter. I had wanted to say this to him for so long. “Part of it was my fault. When someone had to bleed for the company, I was willing to take that on. I should have asked you to do that with me.”

Alex was quiet for the next few feet. He kept his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the pavement as we passed by dark offices, closed for the night. After a beat he looked over at me and he said, “Look, the reason I was lurking outside of the office and waiting for you was to say that I’m sorry. And my lawyer is going to kill me for talking to you, so I should go. But I just wanted to say I’m so sorry, and I didn’t want you to have to walk home alone today.”

I stopped walking and motioned for Alex to do the same by grabbing his shoulder. He turned around to face me, his expression as repentant as his words.

“I’m not alone,” I told him. “I’ve got someone. That’s honestly been the only thing that has gotten me through the last six months. So, if you’re alone, Alex…please don’t be. Call me anytime you want.”

“You mean that?”

I nodded before hesitating. “Well, actually…don’t call me because you know I don’t like talking on the phone. But if you ever want to come over and have a drink or something, don’t think twice about that.”

His expression ticked over from repentance to relief. “Marcus, I know I don’t deserve that.”

“You do though,” I replied with a nod. “Everyone deserves to be around someone who knows them, understands them, and accepts them. I know you, Alex. I’m accepting that you have flaws.Everyonedeserves that, and I know it’s going to take a long time for anyone else to feel that way about you. But don’t be alone. People aren’t meant to feel that way.”

He hugged me. It was lingering, tight, and somehow it was cathartic as hell.

“Can I come by and see your new place?” he asked when we broke apart.

“Soon, but not tonight,” I replied. “I’ve got plans with Cass.”

“No shit,” he mused, eyebrows high. His eyes scanned me up and down once before they settled on my face. He looked moderately impressed. “I didn’t know that was, like,a real thing.”

It was the realest thing I had.

“You thought we were just hot over due diligence?” I asked. “Figured we were scratching an itch and we would get over each other once we were done reviewing balance sheets?”

“I just thought you were finally blowing off some steam.”

“I think it started out that way,” I admitted. “Now…”

Alex nodded. “Come on. I have to hear this.”

“Now, the thought of being with anyone else but her feels like the most terrifying thing in the world, which is saying a hell of a lot because I’ve received a weekly death threat from disgruntled former users every week since this all started.”

“Look at you,” he murmured. “Hey, I’m happy for you. Not about the death threats, but about the whole being in love thing.”

I smiled. I couldn’t keep it in. “We haven’t seen each other in six months. My lawyer recommended Cass and I put some space between us while the investigation was ongoing. She said it might seem like I was sleeping with her to hide the data sale.”

“You mean, the thing Iwantedyou to do when I found out you were sleeping with her,” Alex responded, nodding his head facetiously. “Yeah, I’m also sorry about that.”

“You have so much to be sorry about,” I said, chuckling lightly. “But don’t make standing in the way of my reunion with my girl become one of those things.”

“No way,” he said, taking a step back. “Have fun. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“Sounds good, Alex,” I replied as I gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Looking forward to it.”

***

Three hours later, I was walking into the dark, flashing lights of Shelf Atlas, the bass pounding so loudly in my ears that they were beginning to throb. The faint scent of cigarette smoke clouded me. The club was packed by the entrance, with throngs of people shouting to be heard over the music. I elbowed my way through, straining to see as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.

In just a few minutes, I’d collided with and been brushed by dozens of strangers, who moved and shifted with abandon to the music. Other people’s sweat was on my skin and I’d been knocked off my course more than once. Chaos consumed me, sparking flashes of ambition and excitement and expectation in me. I could do anything with this night. I could take it anywhere.

It was fucking heaven.

I navigated my way to the bar and ordered two shots of whiskey that I downed in quick succession. The warmth of the liquor melted through me at once, heating my chest and wearing down my apprehension. I ordered a whiskey and coke to take with me as I reentered the pulsing crowd. Seconds later, I pushed my way back in.

More bodies hit me as I weaved through the labyrinth of clubgoers, watching as the flashing lights shifted from magenta to blue as the DJ changed the song. Someone tried to invite me into a dance by placing a hand on my abdomen, but I shook my head in decline as I kept moving, eyes traveling over the crowd.

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