Page 29 of Smoke and Shadows

Marissa turned solid. Viktor smiled grimly. “My story ain’t pretty, sweetheart. One day, my father couldn’t get a woman for his customer, so he brought him home.”

“Viktor—you don’t have to,” Marissa’s voice cracked, but he went on. “He let that bastard use my mother. I tried to intervene, but my father was a big man, and I was still a scrawny kid. He beat the shit out of me. Afterward, my mother assured me that it would never happen again. But I had my suspicions that she was just protecting me because I would see bruises on her every now and then.”

Viktor seethed at the memory.

“How old were you when it happened?”

“Fourteen. I met Carl in school and we became fast friends. I spent so much time with his family. I dreaded going home. Nadia—Carl’s sister—was four years younger than us and she loved to tag around, tomboy that she was. She was the sister I never had.”

He had the sudden urge to feel Marissa around him so he leaned forward and grabbed her—having her back flushed to his naked front. He ducked his head to inhale her scent, before he continued, “For two years, they were like the family I’d always wanted. Their parents became my parents. I spent time with them when I knew my father was working in the docks. I was happy with them, carefree. But I’d feel guilty, leaving my mother with no one to defend her from my worthless, piece of shit father, so I always went home.”

“You were fourteen,” Marissa reminded him. “What could you have done?”

“Probably nothing,” Viktor said. “I tried to talk my mother into leaving. Just the two of us. I didn’t get why she needed to stay with him. I still don’t. When I turned sixteen, I had a massive growth spurt and my body filled out. My father started avoiding me. But one day, I came home and found some man raping my mother on the couch. And my father was watching the entire time, yelling at my mother to shut up and just take it.”

His fists clenched, the memory spiking a simmering rage

“Oh, my God, Viktor,” Marissa gripped his arms that were wrapped around her. “You don’t have to tell me, baby.”

“I saw nothing but red haze as I dragged that man off her. Still, I was no match for my father and both of them fucked me up real good, cracked several ribs and messed up my face. I couldn’t move for a week, so I stayed home. Carl got worried, so the fool came to check on me. I told him he was crazy to come to the projects where every criminal, pimp, and low-life littered the streets.”

His voice grew ragged. “Nadia followed Carl. When I sawher enter our apartment, I lost it. A twelve-year-old girl, all sweetness and light, couldn’t be tainted with the vileness and filth of my existence—I couldn’t bear it. Even when my body was screaming in pain, I walked them out, forcing them to leave. Unfortunately, several members of the gang who ruled our project were outside the building. They immediately picked on poor Nadia, frightening her so badly she started to cry. I was beyond pissed, and so was Carl. We ended up in a brawl.”

“How, I thought you could hardly move?” Marissa interjected, horror in her eyes.

“I was pumped full of rage,” Viktor said wryly. But it hurt like a motherfucker afterward. He paused for a long time because what happened next had haunted him for years. He turned Marissa in his arms. He needed to hang on to her beautiful green eyes so he wouldn’t get sucked back into the darkness of that day.

“I managed to free Nadia from one of the gang members and shoved her away. I told her to run. She had her bike. But she didn’t want to leave. What the fuck did she think she could do? So I yelled at her to get the fuck out of there because she’d caused enough trouble.”

His chest was caving in as long dormant emotions of regret and loss threatened to consume him. “She got on her bike to get away, but she was crying, watching us getting our asses kicked. Nadia . . . Nadia got hit by a car. She died instantly.”

“Viktor . . .” His woman’s eyes were shining with tears. His own remained dry.

“The mangled bike, her broken body. Those images remain with me. I don’t have much regret in this life, Marissa,” Viktor said. “But my last words to her are one of my biggest regrets. That my words sent her to her death.”

“You honestly believe that?” Marissa’s eyes flashed angrily at him. “You were protecting her. It wasn’t your fault, Viktor.”

“I’ve accepted that it is, Marissa,” he said. “I was angry for a long time. Carl never blamed me, and neither did his parents. I couldn’t understand them. I should be reviled. I felt like I had so much to atone for. I was so fucked up for the next three years, drinking and getting into fights. It was Carl’s parents who finally got through to me. So I joined the Army, thinking in serving God and country it would ease my guilt. It helped, but not enough.” Viktor shook his head. “Everyone thought I was this fearless warrior. Little did they know that I just wanted some fucker to shoot me and end my misery. Instead, it shaped me into this killing machine. For three years, I hated myself. Then another eight with the Army, seeing my humanity stripped away, little-by-little, until suddenly, I found my peace.”

“You forgave yourself? What happened?”

“Maia was my absolution,” Viktor said quietly. “Saving her somehow freed me from my guilt about Nadia. Carl knew when I turned up with a twelve-year-old kid, I’d finally found peace. And I gave him a daughter to replace the sister I took away.”

“Viktor, it wasn’t your fault,” Marissa repeated as she hugged him and buried her face on his chest.

Shit. He was beginning to feel a burn behind his eyes.Hell no.

“Kitten—”

Marissa gave a short laugh. “How many nicknames do you have for me?”

“I thought they were called endearments,” Viktor replied dryly. “Look, I think that’s enough for tonight,” he glanced at the kitchen clock, “or morning. I haven’t dreamt of Nadia in a while, but Maia nearly dying must have triggered my old guilt.”

Damn. He needed to regroup. He felt raw, like he’d been raked over hot coals, and he wanted nothing more than to feel her naked body beside him.

“Kitten, are you staying?” he murmured above her head.

“Yes, Viktor, I’m staying.”

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