Page 108 of Smoke and Shadows

“The good news is you’re going to make a full recovery. The Antoxin that was given to you a couple of weeks ago did a good job of protecting your nerves from permanent damage. The not so bad news is, it’ll take about a month to get you back to eighty-percent, and then you’ll regain feeling of your nerves gradually. We’ll put you through electrical andprotein therapy to speed up your recovery.” The doctor paused. “You were very lucky. Because of your fitness level, your lungs held on very well and you didn’t sustain any damage to your brain.”

Yes, that would suck if he had brain damage.

He was suddenly feeling tired again and wished the doctor would leave so Marissa would speak to him. Her husky voice soothed him. He felt himself drifting off again.

He lost track of time. People visited, but he couldn’t really say anything, right? Marissa was always in the background and she still looked sad. This was making him nervous. He was gradually regaining some sensitivity in his body. He was told this would be exponential, but he was so ready to be able to breathe on his own.

“Viktor?”

Hey, Iz.

“Um, you’re going to be okay.”

Right. You keep telling me that, kitten. What’s wrong?

“You’ll be able to breathe on your own in a few days.”

Viktor was pretty sure he smiled.

“So I think it’s best if I say this now.”

What the fuck?

“I need to go away for a while,” Marissa said. Viktor took a good look at her and realized she not only had dead eyes, the dark circles were more pronounced and her normally glowing skin was pasty. Her eyes filled with tears. “I love you. Very much. Don’t ever think that I don’t. But what you did that day, you took away my choice.” She paused. “It doesn’t make sense, I know.”

Actually, he did understand her, and he was suddenly afraid of what she would say next.

“You made me watch you die, Viktor, and, somehow, I hate you for it. I can’t get that horror out of my head, watching you convulse in front of me . . .” She exhaled with ashudder. “I wondered, if you really loved me, why you’d put me through that?”

Because I’m a coward. I couldn’t bear to watch you die. Forgive me, Iz.

Marissa gave a short, mirthless laugh.“The other part of me not hating you, hates myself. Because what kind of person am I? I owe you my life. But living is harder, especially if the person you wanted to live for is dead, and he died so you could live.”

But I’m alive, Iz. We’re both alive. We’ll get through this.

“I wanted to explain. It’s not you. You did the right thing any brave, noble person would do. You saved my life. Thank you. But I’m messed up, and I can’t stay seeing you like this every day. I need to fix myself so I can be the same person before—all this.”

No, don’t leave. Stay.Viktor blinked his eyes rapidly.

Her tears fell faster. And she had to gulp back a sob.

“I promise to come back. I’ll try my best to fix my screwed-up self.”

The beeping of his heart rate monitor pinged wildly.

You can’t leave me, woman! I love you! God, Iz. Don’t do this.

Damn it. All he could do was blink his eyes.

A nurse came rushing in and scowled at Marissa. “You need to leave, you’re upsetting the patient.”

Don’t fucking talk to her that way. Don’t make her leave.

Marissa backed away. He felt a dull pinch on his skin.

No!

She mouthed the words “I love you.”

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