Page 34 of Nate

Kevin snapped to attention when he heard his gamer tag. “Sorry guys. I’m out. Got some stuff to take care of.”

Kevin took off his head set and logged out. He couldn’t concentrate so there was no point in playing. Instead, he picked up his laptop from the coffee table and went to his go to whenever he had a problem: Google. His fingers hesitated over the keyboard while he stared at the bright, primary colored letters on the screen. Would this search help at all? Would it confirm what Vanessa had said or what he wanted to believe? He typed in his query: gay for pay. As usual, Google spit out pages of results.

The first few were articles on the subject, with men who’d been in the gay porn industry. Most of them said they just didn’t like the labels of gay or straight. He had to go a few pages into the search before he found men who outright said they only did gay shoots for the money.

Kevin clicked on a video clip of a prominent straight actor in gay flicks. He tried to study the man’s face to see if he was only acting like he was enjoying doing another man in the ass. But everyone in porn always looked and sounded like they were acting. The straight guy started asking his partner if he liked his meat.

He slammed his laptop closed. This wasn’t helping. Either he believed that Nate was gay or he didn’t. But that still didn’t determine whether or not Nate had only been with him because he wanted to use him for that ad campaign and to get his mobile app built. Could Nate be that underhanded? He’d been surprised from the beginning that someone like Nate could be into someone like him. Maybe this proved his early doubts. Kevin dropped his head into his hands with a frustrated groan. Did Nate really betray him, or was all of this simply because of his self-doubt?

∞∞∞

“It’s your self-doubt.”

Alex had come over to check on him after his uncharacteristically abrupt exit from the game. “That’s it? You don’t even need to take a half a second to think over what I said?”

“Kevin.” Alex said his name in an exaggerated drawl. “He owns three gyms. I’m sure there are hundreds of guests who’d be interested in doing that promo for him. Lots of people would jump at the chance to get a little bit internet famous. Plus, if he’s as good looking as you say he is, he shouldn’t have any trouble sweet talking somebody into doing what he wants. But this girl is saying he slept with you to convince you to do it, even though he’s not gay? That makes no sense.”

“Fine, say that’s true. What about the mobile app? Not everyone in his gym is capable of doing that for him.”

“He has money, Kevin. He can hire someone to do it. He doesn’t need to suck cock in exchange for freelance work. Besides, look how long it took before you caught a clue and gave it up. He could have found someone to do the damn app ten times over in all that time. He didn’t, because he wanted to be with you.”

Kevin had thought some of these things himself. Hearing it from someone else validated it somehow. When he tried to tell himself that Natedidlike him, that negative voice always popped up in his head, telling him there was no way a guy like Nate could be into a guy like him. He was tired of that voice. Maybe there was something he could do to make it stop. He looked at his friend. “Alex, I need you to do me a favor.”

∞∞∞

By Friday night, Nate still hadn’t heard from Kevin. He was beyond frustrated and hardly in the mood to socialize. But it was Max’s thirtieth, so he was at his best friend’s party. The large house was filled with people: Max’s friends from the tattoo world, everybody in their group that ran together, and the family that Max had found when he’d turned twenty.

It was a good mix, the music was loud, and people were having fun. The spiked cider that was flowing pretty freely helped with that. Nate had helped barbecue earlier, now he was hanging out relaxed. Or at least he was trying to relax. He kept checking his phone, hoping Kevin would finally call or text him back.

“Nate! Why haven’t you been over for supper?”

He looked up to see Max’s grandmother and mother standing in front of him. He slid his phone into his pocket and went over to wrap his arms around the older lady in a gentle hug. “Hey, Mama Stovall.”

Max’s mother he greeted with a smile and a simple hello. He got the feeling Max’s mother didn’t like him. He wasn’t sure, but he suspected it was because he was gay. He’d never said anything to Max, not wanting to make his friend feel like he had to defend his best friend to the family he’d been reunited with after twenty years. She returned the smile. Nate chose to ignore that it was as stiff and insincere as always.

“I’ll be over soon. I promise,” he said in answer to the elder woman’s question.

“What’s going on with you? You look like you’re about to stomp on your poor phone.”

Nate laughed. “It’s nothing, Mama Stovall.”

Mrs. Stovall gave him the disbelieving look that only a grandmother could pull off. “Didn’t look like nothing to me. A man only gets that frustrated with a phone when he’s having trouble with his partner.”

Laughing again, Nate gave her another hug. “You’re right about that, Mama Stovall.” She reached up to pet his cheek.

“Don’t worry, honey. He’ll come around.”

Nate thanked her, promising again to come over for dinner before she and Max’s mother walked away to talk with other guests. He left his phone in his pocket, determined to focus on his friends and the party. Nate got a cup of hot spiked cider from the kitchen and went out to the bonfire. Most of the guests had gathered around out there, sharing stories and roasting hot dogs over the flames.

Nate was having a good time, his mind off his relationship problems for a little while, when he realized he hadn’t seen Max for a few minutes. Max had disappeared several times that evening. The party was still going on but since the guest of honor was MIA, Nate took the chance to go inside and check his phone again. Still nothing. He tapped out a text.Would you please let me explain? Things are not the way Vanessa made them seem. I promise.

He sipped his cider while waiting for a response. After a few minutes, he checked to see if Kevin had responded. Still nothing. Nate cursed, squeezing his phone in frustration.

“You all right, man?”

Nate looked up at Max, who’d just rejoined the party.

“Yeah, just something pissed Kevin off and he won’t talk to me about it.” He blew out a breath. “Sorry. You don’t need to hear about my relationship problems on your birthday.”

---