Page 80 of Caged In

Her tiny fragile body lying in the huge hospital bed, wires and tubes sticking out of her and snaking around the bed and theIV pole. She’d been as pale as the white sheets wrapped around her.

“Her horse’s name was Izzy. Lucia had trouble speaking, after the cancer grew, j’s and p’s were a few of the letters she struggled with, so I became Izz.” He takes a deep breath, searching for his inner strength.

“Apparently I was really good at horsey-back rides—they weren’t to be called piggy-back rides, it was horsey-back rides. I’d give her one around the hospital, to take her to the different rooms where they’d . . . with all the testing and treatments. . .”

The testing and treatments were extensive. Not something any child should have to go through. Being poked and prodded, drugged and medicated. He would have taken her pain in a heartbeat, if he could have. He still would. He’d endure it if it meant she would live a normal happy childhood.

“That’s how I got the nickname. Her absolute favourite animal is a horse, said I was her favourite, better than any horse. It sounds weird when I say it out loud, but it was the sweetest thing at the time.”

When Sinn'ous doesn’t say anything for several moments, Izz chances a lookover at him.

Sinn'ous is staring at the wall across the cell, as if caught in deep contemplation. “I never had any siblings so I can’t relate. Nor do I feel anything for others.” Sinn'ous’s dark eyes flick over, boring into Izz. “I can understand how you mean. What would be there. The love you share with her.”

“You really don’t feel love for anyone?”

“No. Not in the way I’ve seen others,” Sinn'ous turns his full body to face Izz. “I . . . enjoy things, maybe you could call it love but not in the way most people do.”

If he doesn’t love, why is he so nice to me?

“So what do you feel for me?”

Sinn'ous has to feel something, right? You wouldn’t step in and save someone if you hold no feelings for them. Especially when you are a psychopath. And Sinn'ous is a psychopath, he killed people, how can he not be?

Izz can’t deny it, that Sinn'ous is a psychopath. Not with the death of the inmates or the confession he’d made about not feeling anything for anyone. That’s one of the traits of a psychopath, no regard or empathy for others, isn’t it?

But he saved your life . . .

Sinn'ous can’t be completely rotten. He is protecting Izz. He’s given him many, many, gifts. Made certain Izz’s not going hungry. Wasn’t bored during the lockdown. Isn’t hurt by others.

It’s beginning to seem as if Sinn'ous will never answer. “ . . . Protective. I do not want anyone else to be near you, to touch you. I want to keep you.”

Izz blinks up at the male. He should be creeped out, or at the very least slightly alarmed. Yet he is the opposite. He feels delighted—butterflies fluttering in the stomach, delighted.

Sinn'ous wants to keep me . . .

Why does the thought have him buzzing lightly? His heart fluttering right alongside his ribs.

“You’ll protect me . . .” Izz whispers, more to himself than to be heard.

Izz curls over to rest his head on Sinn'ous’s lap. Human contact has been lacking since he arrived in prison—the warm kind, not the punch-you-in-the-face revolting-skin-crawling type—and he craves its warmth.

“Is this your version of loving someone?” Izz would guess it’s the closest Sinn'ous has come to the feeling. With how the male is describing his emotions. Although it is hard to tell. Sinn'ous doesn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve like Izz does, making it impossible to read the male’s inner thoughts.

“Perhaps,” Sinn'ous runs his fingers through Izz’s hair, “is that what people do, who care for each other.”

Is Sinn’ous enjoying the contact and close proximity? Izz sure is. It’s nice, normal, helps him forget where he is.

Why are you pushing so hard to have him express his feelings . . . ?Izz’s inner voice questions and answers.Maybe because you’re lonely and afraid?

“I guess,” Izz’s not sure how to answer, he can’t tell someone how to express their love for another. “I feel safe with you around. Best sleep I’ve had since I arrived here. ‘Cause I know you’d never let anything happen to me while I sleep.”

I’m also attracted to you and wouldn’t object to you touching me. Or . . . doing more than touching . . .

“I would not.”

Izz bites his tongue on his inner revelation, keeping it to himself. “But what about when you’re not around? Everyone in this place seems hell bent on making my life a living Hell.”

He can’t go through what happened yesterday ever again. He cannot endure more of the same treatment. To feel so weak and pathetic . . .

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