Page 67 of Something Old

I’m tired of trying to hold it together.

I’m over feeling like shit.

All I wanted was for my husband to love me.

My throat is hurting, dry and tight from crying so much.

“Leora.”

I jump out of my skin when he says my name. I was so lost in my own emotions I didn’t hear him walking towards me.

“What?” I snap. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”

He sits down next to me and tries to wrap his arm around me.

“Stop that. Stop everything. Seriously.Just leave me alone.”

“I won’t.” I shove him hard, and he tightens his grip on me. “I messed up, ok?”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore.”

“Leora - I messed up. Everything I wanted to say to you came out wrong. Please. Just listen. Don’t say anything. Just listen.”

I shake my head. He can talk all he wants. I don’t have to listen to a word of it.

He’s still holding me in his arms, he’s even shifted his body so that his legs are wrapped around me too. I’m sitting in between his legs leaning up against his chest and I hate it.

He still smells so good.

“In the bedroom - I was trying to tell you that ever since we got married - I have been a complete asshole—”

“I know.” I snap.

He sighs. “I didn’t see what was right in front of me. I think I was too scared to see it. You came into my life like a tornado. Disrupting everything. But adding color and light and laughter to everything too. Then I treated you like total shit. I took you for granted - trying to hold on to my old life. But - I don’t want that life anymore. And when you pulled away from me it hurt. I missed you.”

He pauses, taking a breath. Waiting for me to say something but I stay quiet.

His words have caught my attention, but I’m too scared to misunderstand them.

I stay very still, sitting in his arms, up against his body.

“Leora - when you left - when I saw you on the cameras - it broke me. I knew I was the reason you left. And I don’t blame you at all. It was my fault, and you had every right to do what you did - but I was trying to tell you it hurt me. It hurt me because I have fallen for you, and I really don’t want to lose you.”

I can’t believe it.

I want to cry and laugh at the same time.

I want to kiss him.

I want him to kiss me.

But I can’t move.

I’m terrified.

My heart is too scared to accept this.

“Leo - little kitten - please forgive me for hurting you. And please - give me a chance to fix everything. Give me a chance to showyou how much you mean to me. I don’t care how long it takes. I want to win you back. I won’t stop trying. All I need is for you to give me a chance.”

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