Page 51 of Something Old

Icannot believe the smug look on his face. As though he has me right where he wants me.

I don’t understand what type of game he is playing with me right now. First pushing me away - then letting me spend way too much of his money as though it means nothing - then buying me a ridiculous fucking car, a beautiful car - and now moving my things into his bedroom. Why the hell would he do all of that? None of it makes sense.

It didn’t make sense when he wasn’t interested in me on our wedding night, and it makes little sense that he is now forcing me to share his bed whether or not I want to. He thinks the entire world revolves around what he wants when he wants it - with no regard for what I want.

Why does he want to taunt me with this kind of stuff anyway when he’s made it clear we aren’t in an actual relationship?

A relationship that is all for show.

Well, he is taking this ‘for show’ thing way too far. I guess that is what the car is all about. So that I can drive around town, and everyone can look at me and say, ‘oh that’s Masaccio’s wife’.

I stand in the doorway of the living room glaring at him, but he looks calm and unaffected by my anger.

Hewantsto play games. He’s enjoying this. Maybe I’m just some kind of toy to him he thinks he can mess with for fun. Is it possible that he is that sadistic?

I grit my teeth together, my hands clenched at my side and my shoulders feeling tight.

I won’t be played with.

I won’t be treated like this.

Without a word I spin on my heels and march back up to the bedroom -ourbedroom - I flop down onto the bed, thinking, trying to figure out what to do.

I can’t sleep in this room.

Everything smells like him. It’s his space. It’s all of his belongings.

I had just made my room feel like home. It was my little tranquil spot where I could just relax and be me without worrying what he was thinking of me or if I was annoying him. Because I always felt like I was annoying him.

I do note that a few of my decor pieces have been set up here and there, but they look out of place and as uncomfortable as I feel in this male dominated room. Even the vase of flowers and the monstera plant near the window - they don’t belong in this room. The energy is all wrong.

I grab my phone from my handbag and open my browser.

I have an idea. I need to do some research - and then when he is asleep tonight, I’ll carry out my plan.

And the bottom line is - fuck him for forcing me into this situation and giving me no other choice.

Once I’ve gathered all the information, I need I put my phone down on the bedside table, I climb off the bed and grab my travel case from the closet - I take a moment to find it. Pausing for a second to listen - trying to figure out where in the house he is. But I hear nothing. I better move quickly.

I throw clothes into it. I’m not paying attention to what I’m packing but I also calm myself knowing that if I forget something I can just get it there. I have to pack and then hide the bag, so he doesn’t see it. I keep stopping to listen. Pausing just long enough to make sure he isn’t coming up the stairs, then refocusing on my task.

When the bag is packed, with my clothes, toiletries, and passport, I tuck it into the back of my closet.

My heart is racing when I climb into bed in my black tracksuit, I’m dressed and ready to go as soon as he is asleep. It’s a waiting game now so I pull the covered over my head. I’ll pretend to be asleep until he falls asleep - then I’ll make my getaway.

I can’t believe I am going to do it - but I’m going to the airport, I’ll buy a ticket to Hawaii when I get there. I think I just need to get away for a bit. I don’t need him knowing either because I’m sure he will try to stop me.

I feel terrible for doing this behind his back, but he’s left me no choice.

A week should be enough time to get my thoughts together.

I guess I can see how it goes and stay longer if I need to. The time away from him should hopefully give me the clarity I needto figure out what I want to do with my life and how I can get through this horrible situation and stay sane.

Masaccio comes to bed late, and goes through a slow, relaxed process of getting ready for bed. He pays me very little attention as I continue to pretend to be asleep.

My heart is beating faster by the minute. I just want him to fall asleep, dammit.

When he does, I feel dizzy with nerves. I move as quickly, but as quietly as I can to grab my travel bag from the closet and head downstairs without making a sound.

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