Page 91 of Something New

Taking a deep breath, I cast my eyes towards the ocean, because all I’ve been doing is staring from the fucking watch to the edge of the beach where she would arrive.

I’m going crazy. I will be nothing without her.

All I want is my little family. My perfect wife, my little baby, and all the love in the world. I want to create a home like I never had. A place filled with warmth and love and compassion.

It’s all up to Nerissa.

My future is in her hands.

I can only hope that our love is stronger than the evil things I’ve done to her. I can only hope that she senses my love and finds it in her heart to forgive me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Nerissa

On Saturday morning I wake up before the sun.

The quiet darkness of morning, just before dawn, is my favorite time of day. I’ve been missing it because I’ve been so tired. But my body woke me up this morning and now I am alert and rested.

But I still haven’t made my choice.

I haven’t looked at the dress again, I haven’t even checked my phone.

I have no idea what I am going to do.

Quietly, alone with my thoughts I make a cup of tea and think about everything that’s happened.

My most important question is - now that I am going to be a mother - how does it change what I want from life?

I know the answer, but I keep asking anyway, just in case.

I sit at my window sipping my tea with my eyes on the sky, waiting for the warm glow of sunrise.

I don’t feel him here. I haven’t felt him around for three days now. Since the dress was delivered. The dress that is hanging on the back of the bathroom door.

It’s so quiet and peaceful.

My heart might even already know.

I haven’t taken off the ring. It’s still sparkling on my finger and catching my eye.

A ray of sunlight pierces through soft gray morning sky.

The smile that spreads across my lips is genuine and it fills me with happiness. I set my empty teacup down on my bedside table.

Picking up my phone I message Hayley.

Me: I don’t care what you are doing right now - I am calling a friend emergency, and I need you to come over right now.

If I am going to get married today. I want my best friend there with me.

And that means that I need to tell her everything - including the fact that I’m pregnant which I haven’t shared with anyone yet.

I’ve been so alone these past few days, and I don’t need to. I am surrounded by love. Some of it crazy, stupid, wild love - but it’s still love.

I will give him a chance.

Because my heart wants to. All the fear I’ve had, has been the fear of losing him and regretting it for the rest of my life. I don’t want regrets. All I want is him.

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