Page 81 of Something New

It’s been seven years since I first saw her. I have been patient every single day, waiting for her, orchestrating our future and creating the events to place her in my path. And now I am going to be rewarded.

Since I reunited with her though, things have changed. My feelings have evolved into something new. If I know what love is - it’s because of her.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Nerissa

My phone shakes as I try to hold it still, but my hands are shaking so it’s impossible. I’ve decided to tell him. What choice did I have, anyway? I always knew I would tell him. I just needed time to come to terms with my new reality before I faced his reaction.

I will do this with or without him.

I do not know how, because I’m broke and jobless, but I’ll find a way.

Swiping my fingers across the screen I navigate to the messaging app and click on his name.

I struggle to type out the message.

Me: Tuomo, can we please meet somewhere this afternoon? I need to tell you something. It is really important, and I would like to do it today if you are available.

My thumb hovers above the send button. Just press it. You have to.

I click send and the message double ticks.

He comes online and I drop my phone trying to lock it because I can’t bear the tension while watching him typing out a reply that I have to wait to read.

Sitting on the edge of my bed with my eyes closed I wait for the tone of my messenger app. It doesn’t take long at all. The soft vibration runs through me, and I take a deep breath.

His message is simple but friendly.

Tuomo: Of course, I can meet you this afternoon. I’m free now if you want to meet at Red Roman on main street in about thirty minutes.

Me: Yes. Thank you. I will be there in thirty minutes.

I was expecting to have time to think about what I wanted to say, but it’s better to get this over and done with now. Sooner than later.

I nod to myself and gather my things, throwing my phone into my handbag. I decide to take the pregnancy test with me because I don’t know if he is going to want proof. It’s all the evidence I have.

Climbing into my old beat-up car, I haven’t driven it for a while so I have to warm it up and let it run for a minute before I can drive it. It rattles to life with a choking sound. But once the engine has grumbled for a little while it sounds healthier.

I place my hand over my stomach, and for the first time, I feel a calm sense of connection to the little life growing in my stomach.I don’t think I had really acknowledged it before, but as soon as I hold my stomach, protectively, tenderly I realize I am going to be a mother.

It’s real.

I giggle, nervous amusement flushing through my cheeks.

“Let’s go find out what your father has to say about all this.”

I wish I was more confident as I walked into the restaurant. I wish I could just stride in here, smile and tell him the news and know - without a doubt - that no matter what his reaction is I can do this on my own.

But I need him. So, telling him today is not as easy as that. I don’t just need his help financially, I need his support.

Is it wrong to need him?

Can I do this without him?

If I had a choice, I would choose him to be by my side.

I walk towards a table by the window. His back is to me as I approach but he turns around to smile at me before I reach him. It’s as though he can sense when I am near as well. The same way that I sense him.

---