Page 68 of Something New

“We are. But I’ll come and check on you tomorrow. I’m sorry but you have given us no choice. You need to sort your head out, you’ve lost it. Some alone time to think will be good for you.” Masaccio turns and walks away, followed by Rufino. They leave one light on and no matter how many times I scream for them to stop - neither of them turns around and comes back.

I slump against the cold concrete floor. This can’t be happening.

The reality of what I’ve done crashes into me.

My father is so furious, and he might do something to Nerissa. He will hurt her.

I have to get out of here and warn her. I can give her money, and she can disappear. I put her in so much danger because I was too stupid to control myself.

I’m a fucking idiot.

The cold, empty space suffocates me as I sit alone, waiting for morning, waiting for someone to come and tell me they changed their mind - that I can go home.

But I’m waiting for nothing and no one.

And when morning comes my brothers still don’t show up.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Nerissa

Another day goes by, and I don’t hear from Tuomo. His brothers dragged him out of my apartment two days ago and I don’t know what to make of it. I imagine his brothers were so angry to find him with someone like me he was told he can’t see me again. He knew all along that it wouldn’t work but just wanted to play out whatever fantasy he had in his head about me.

There have been so many times when I’ve wanted to message him, but I’ve stopped myself.

What happened that night was terrifying, and I don’t want my life to be like that.

His family hates me.

I have no idea what they would do to me if they found out I was trying to get in touch with him again. And apart from that obvious fact - I don’t have any idea what to say to him. It’s not like I can just messagehi, how are you, what you been up to.

But I miss him. I ache to have his arms around me and hear his voice. I want to lie down with my head on his chest and feel the soothing beat of his heart.

Though - nothing is more important than family and even though Tuomo said he would take them all down to be with me - I would never ask or expect him to lose his family over me. Nobody should be forced into a position to make that choice, so I have to be strong enough to make it for him if it stops him from losing his family. I couldn’t live with myself anyway - if that happened.

I slide my phone back into the back pocket of my jeans for the hundredth time. And for the hundredth time I reassure myself I’ve made the right choice not to message him. It’s so hard though. My heart is breaking. But I also have to acknowledge that he hasn’t messaged me either. Looking up and down the busy street I sigh.

He must know that it is impossible for us to be together. He must have known all along.

It’s time we both accepted the truth and just walked away before things get so much worse than they already are.

I’m already embarrassed to pass any of my neighbors in the hallway because of the mayhem I have been causing there. It’s not who I am. I am the levelheaded quiet girl who focuses on studies and work.

I’m not built to be involved with a mafia boss.

I step into the street and hurry across the road when there is a gap in the traffic.

I called Hayley an hour ago because I’ve been sitting at home doing nothing but crying. It’s making me crazy. I’ve just arrived at the coffee shop she is meeting me at. I’m early, but I couldn’t wait in my apartment for another second. So, I’d rather sit herethan there. At least here I can watch people, and I don’t feel so alone.

Being alone right now scares me. Especially in that apartment. The Vece brothers know where I live, and the threat was very clear. I am still worried about them coming back to find me and just -get rid of me. It seems over the top and unrealistic, like something from a horror movie, but that’s the family they are. I’ve heard all the rumors, I lived in their home, and I met their father. He is a horrible, horrible man.

I order a cappuccino from the pretty waitress who leads me to a table by the window. She looks about seventeen - the same age I was when I first fell for Tuomo. She looks like a child, far too young to be making any big decision that will affect the rest of her life.

I wonder if people thirty-five or forty see me and think I’m a child - like I am too young to make important choices. And then do fifty-year-olds look at the thirty-year-olds and think the same thing. Are we ever really able to make big choices with the way life throws curveballs at us? How can we prepare for things we can’t even guess are going to happen to us?

If I look at all the choices, I’ve made so far, they have all gotten me nowhere in my life.

I don’t have a job even though I did so well in university.

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